I wanted to name this piece “Carnie Wilson:  Whored On For One More Day” but I didn’t know if you’d all get my Wilson Phillips lyric reference.  OMG, how completely condescending and infantilizing of me!  I didn’t know if you’d get it?  That was such an Oprah moment and I’m so, so sorry.

Anyway, Carnie is appearing in a new reality show for GSN that’s going by the unfortunate title of Carnie Wilson:  Unstapled.  It will be a documentary-style program that will follow Carnie on her journey to lose 50 pounds.  Might I suggest that she could get halfway to goal by lopping off that Duggar-do?

Okay, this is the ironic part:  Carnie said, “This is definitely the most exposed I’ve ever been.”  Isn’t this the same chick who flashed her duodenum for all the world to see whilst her gastric bypass surgery was streamed on the Internet?  And she thinks that being filmed declining a can of Pringles is the most exposed she’s ever been?  Bitch, please.

I really wanted to title this post “Carnie Wilson’s Fetus Couldn’t Hold On For One More Day,” but then I realized that sounded really morbid and I didn’t want to scare you all into thinking something went wrong.

Singer and game show host Carnie Wilson gave birth to a 6 lbs, 5 oz. baby girl, Luciana Bella Bonfiglio on Friday.  The newest addition joins their four-year-old daughter Lola Sofia.

Carnie currently hosts GSN’s Newlywed Game.  I am ashamed to admit that I’ve watched it more than three times — it’s really bad — and that I make my husband play along with me.  Carnie is creepy, bordering on lecherous as she inquires for further details about the contestant’s whoopie sessions.

Ick!  Anyway, congrats to Carnie and her “musician” husband.

Carnie Wilson is set to host the newest incarnation of The Newlywed Game.  About the new GSN gig, Carnie said, “My personality and energy is perfect for something like this. First of all, I’m married, and I loved watching The Newlywed Game when I was younger. I watched it all the time. I always hoped the couples would start fighting.”  Being married and finding joy in watching conflict ensue is the criteria that makes her “perfect” for hosting The Newlywed Game?  Hire me!  And seriously, sweet Jesus, I suggest that she funnel some of that “energy” into cardio.

I’d like to play a little Newlywed with Carnie.  Carnie, would you say your career is totally dead, embarrassingly dead or just…plain…dead?

  

Between gastric bypass and an appearance on Celebrity Fit Club this chick has seriously struggled with weight-loss.  Now she’s pregnant with her second child.  Ahh…the land of Twinkies and maple syrup for dinner…what?  Don’t judge me.  Anyway, watching Carnie embrace Tyra’s big fat ass never ceases to amuse me.