Hey, guys!  How bad is this new single from Carmen Electra?  Yep, Carmen Electra is a singer now — you didn’t know?  This “song” is called “Who Do You Think You Are?” and it’s off her new album — yep, Carmen Electra has an album now — titled C-17.  

I can best describe this song as the sound my brain makes right before I conclude that I need a Xanax.  An overproduced cacophony of frenetic, spastic anxiety that would make a perfect soundtrack for the spontaneous choreographed dance numbers that have started cropping up on the new 90210.  Take a listen.

Oh, God — where are those pills?

Listen, there have been no announcements, confirmations or baby talk of any kind from Carmen Electra’s camp but let’s face it:  When Carmen Flipping Electra is wearing muumuus, and there’s a reason why those dresses make the same sound as a cow, she is sperminated.  Or recovering from an aggressive lipo session but I still vote “baby.”  After all, she did get engaged to her guitarist boyfriend (who isn’t relevant enough to get a mention on her Wikipedia page) last week.  Why did I think they already got engaged eight months ago?  I swear this already happened.

If this unfortunate dress coupled with the impending betrothal isn’t enough to convince you, how about TMZ video of Carmen refusing to wear a bikini in public?  Come on…isn’t that the equivalent of her posing with a plus sign on a pee stick?

I’d like to be the first to offer my congratulations to Electra.  Either congratulations on her upcoming bundle of joy or congratulations on her upcoming flat and perfectly sculpted tummy.  Either way.  Congrats.

Carmen Electra started out shakin her ass for Prince. After that, she got naked for Playboy, people started paying her to talk on shows like Singled Out and Baywatch, and now slowly but surely she’s sunk back to the original career low of shaking her ass for a man with a guitar.

Hopefully she will gather up her dignity and fade quietly into obscurity instead of pulling a Pamela Anderson and miming taking a dump on a runway in a glorified cocktail waitress uniform for a buck.

Fergie and Carmen Electra pose pretty for the cameras at the NYE party at The Venetian in Las Vegas.

I’ve gotta go with Carmen Electra. I love that she’s touching Fergie’s ass here while Fergie’s just like, “Yeah, I don’t really need attention that badly.”

You be the judge.

At the Disaster Movie premiere in Rome.

There had been rumors of trouble in paradise, but Carmen Electra was all over her fiance, guitarist Rob Patterson, at Harrah’s Casino in Atlantic City on Friday. And, yes, she’s still sporting that rock.

I really don’t like her dress, and I’m not even sure why. I think in the pictures it doesn’t look like the top fits very well. It may be one of those dresses that looks really good in person but not so good in photos.

Carmen celebrated her 36th birthday at PURE in Las Vegas, with her current love, Korn’s touring guitarist Rob Patterson.

Guyliner. Yum.

Carmen reportedly got a tattoo of the letter “R” behind her ear. You know, I have to admit, that’s pretty smart. Like, if you have to get your man’s initial tattooed on your body, behind the ear is a good place to put it. I hope she got it put behind her right ear. That way, if they ever break up and people ask what the “R” is for, she can be like, “Oh, it’s so I know which ear is right and which is left.” And, coming from Carmen Electra, you’d probably be like, “Okay, that makes sense.”