Are these bangs going to be some new trend?  Because I hate them.  Like, I didn’t care when Jessica Alba got them because she’s mean and deserves ugly hair.  But Selena Gomez is just a cute and innocent kid despite that thing on her head.  Where were her parents when this haircut was happening?  Aren’t there laws to protect minors from this kind of thing? 

Speaking of devastating, I also came across some pictures of Rachel Zoe who was at the 2008 CNN Heroes with Selena event last night.  And I wikied her.  She’s 37 years old?  I will give a free Dr. Pepper to the first person who can prove that she is actually at least eight years older.  Because if I have to live with the fact that she’s only 11 months older than I am, I’m not sure I can go on.  For real.

Also there:  Lucy Liu looking pregnant, Cameron Diaz looking orange, and Ricki Lake looking like she could have made so much more effort.  Dude, you lost like, a hundred pounds.  Wear something flattering.

When I page through all the pictures that were taken at an event, there are lots of snapshots of each celebrity in different poses or scenarios.  Drinking wine, posing on the red carpet, accepting an award.  Meg Ryan’s face, in every single picture, was exactly the same.  No other facial nuance was recorded at any time.  

I know, I know.

Beauty is on the inside.

I assure you Cameron Diaz is more beautiful than you are inside, too.

Here’s Cam at the AFI night at the movies, presented by Target.

I’m just saying that out loud. Because it’s what I think every time I see a photo of her. And, like, no matter how hard I try to be proud of myself for working out every day and eating responsibly and accept the fact that I am genetically unlikely to ever be 5′9″ and 110 pounds, every time I see a picture of her, specifically, I’m just like, “Dude, that’s what I should look like, if I were pretty.”

Cameron Diaz and Gisele Bunchen. It’s the two of them that I really struggle with. They both manage to look super-thin without looking anorexic or unhealthy. I think if they were both to put on like thirty pounds and keep it on, I’d be happy with my body. I really do just fine in the face of every other celebrity, but those two make me feel sorry for myself.

Here’s Cameron leaving the gym on Thursday, looking very pretty and skinny and effortlessly flawless and just all-around better than me. Sad face.

Heh.

You gotta love this.

Cameron Diaz is chatting on her cell phone while her boyfriend, model (and Aniston ex) Paul Sculfor is texting on his.

I like this photo because it pretty much typifies every relationship I’ve been in during the past, like, five years. Like, “Yes, dear, you are very pretty. Now go entertain yourself while I talk to the people whose conversation I enjoy. I’ll call for you when I need you to be pretty for me again.”

Hey, whatever works.

You’d think once they hit their mid-30s, these women would realize that there are more than 25 men on the planet. This seems not to be the case, as Cameron Diaz is now dating Jennifer Aniston ex Paul Sculfor, while Jennifer Aniston is dating Cameron Diaz ex John Mayer.

In NYC on Sunday.

To quote my roommate on this one: “Ew.”

John Mayer was seen on a date with Cameron Diaz in NYC on Tuesday night. “They went out to several places…It was the two of them, getting to know each other, out on the town,” says a source.

Diaz is in New York filming the romantic comedy What Happens in Vegas, and John Mayer is in New York being lecherous.

According to friends, the two already knew each other: “This was technically not their first time hanging out…they’ve hung out together with friends before. But this was the first time together like this. It’s new and developing…but they really like each other and it went well,”

I wonder what Jessica Simpson has to say about all this … she’s been laying pretty low lately. Come out and whine, Jess!!!