Happy Monday!

I am really into the show, Lie To Me.  It’s about these face readers that identify all sorts of facial movements, body language, etc. and define what each signal really means.  Now that I’m a complete and total expert in lie detection, my family hates me.  A typical night in my home:

Me:  “Do you like the chili I made?”

Husband:  “Yes, it’s really good.”

Me:  “Why are you lying to me?  I know you’re lying!  You just touched your ear!  That.  Is.  Deception!  Bill Clinton did it during his impeachment hearings and now you’re doing it too!  You’re probably cheating on me too!  How many times have I seen you touch your ear?  You never loved me…”

Applying my newly established skills, I would like to let you know that, based on the pictures I’ve been looking at lately, Charlie Sheen is one miserable bastard who cannot wait until he can leave his wife, Brooke Mueller.  The good news is that Brooke had her mandatory twins this weekend, named Bob and Max.  Therefore, the clock has started ticking toward the day that it will be acceptable for Charlie and Brooke to make their “amicable split” announcement.

Charlie Sheen’s new wife, Brooke Mueller, is reportedly pregnant with twins.

The per-capita rate of celeb twin pregnancies is kind of ridiculous lately. This can’t be coincidental, can it? Are they all having secret fertility treatments now because twins are totally the new Birkin bag?

Brooke Mueller (aka Mrs. Sheen) shows off her growing belly at her first public appearance since news of her pregnancy hit the interwebs.

She and Charlie attended the grand opening of Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant & Bar At Bellagio in Vegas. Also there: Paris Hilton, Michelle Rodriquez, Shar Jackson, Wilmer Valderrama and that stupid bitch Janelle from Sunset Tan. But I’m not posting any pictures of Janelle because I refuse to play any role in making that self-obsessed, worthless little whore famous.

Wow, Brooke Mueller wasted absolutely no time in guaranteeing herself some Charlie Sheen child support checks.

Homegirl’s knocked up.

I bet Denise Richards is fuming.