Brooke spent some time in Miami this weekend filming her new music video (wait, really???) with her new boyfriend, rapper Yannique Barker. This makes perfect sense, actually. Her mother dates men who are half her age. Brooke can’t do that without tip-toeing into statutory rape, so instead she’s dating men who are half her size.

Whatever. I can’t wait to see this video. I’m sure it’ll be AMAZING and bubbling over with talent and intelligence, like everything Brooke does.

While most of the country is freezing its ass off in the depths of January, Brooke Hogan is practically naked as she goes shopping in Miami Beach. Or at least I think Brooke Hogan is in this photo. I can’t see much past the breasts.

Brooke Hogan throws her arms around her brother, Nick, as he’s released from jail in Florida today.

This is actually a sweet picture, and, for a brief moment, I hate neither of them.

Give me a day or so.

Here’s Brooke, promoting her TV show by slamming her mom, on Chelsea Lately.

I was starting to root for the girl, I really was, until she showed up on her new reality show, Brooke Knows Best, spouting out about how a woman shouldn’t run for President … because of PMS.

Jesus. Christ.

You only need to watch the first 30 minutes of this clip to hear what you need to hear.

Shut up, Brooke.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to say because I can’t relate to her right now. I’m extremely shocked. I know if I was 48-years-old, I wouldn’t date a 19-year-old. I just don’t feel it’s her. And through all this stuff, I really need my mom, and she’s doing her own thing. I don’t talk to her anymore. I see her at the jail visiting Nick and she asks me why. I say, ‘I don’t condone what you’re doing. I’m on my path, and you’re on your path.’ I told her, ‘I’d love to have you in my life, to see you and talk to you, but the kind of things you’re surrounding yourself with, it doesn’t make sense to me.”

Brooke Hogan, discussing her relationship with her mother in the new issue of Us Weekly.

Presumably because the pending parental divorce and near-certain jail stay of son Nick mean that Hogan Knows Best is on its last legs, VH1 will be launching a spin-off series focusing on the life of the woman who is, tragically, the sanest member of the Hogan clan at this point.

That’s right: Brooke’s getting her own show.

The series will follow Brooke as she “strikes out on her own in Miami.”

Well, we’ve certainly watched Brooke strike out on countless red carpets, so let’s see if Miami’s perhaps a better fit. Honestly, what does Brooke Hogan even do all day? We’ll find out, I guess.

I mean, this was probably the long-term plan anyway. When Hogan Knows Best first started filming, word on the street was that Hulk only agreed to do the series because he thought it would help Brooke’s recording career. Brooke’s 2006 release, Undiscovered, sold only 127,000 copies (insert your own “undiscovered”-related joke here). Those are actually not awful numbers considering the album was released via Scott Storch’s indie label, Storch Music Company.

My guess is she’ll be back to making records. What else does she have to do?