Hello, girls.

Oh, I see you’re off to do some partying together.

Before that happens, I have an idea I would like you to seriously consider.

Courtenay, you have an ‘e’ that you’re totally not using. Brittny desperately needs one. Courtenay, please give Brittny your ‘e’. It’s called “sharing,” girls. It’s what friends do. But you wouldn’t know much about that, now would you?

Meanwhile, Courtenay’s been slapped with a suit by a Las Vegas security guard for beating him up while she was wasted. He tried to cuff her and she hit him in the face, screaming “Do you even know who I am, fucking idiot?…Google me, you dumb fuck.”

Oh, Courtenay. It’s impossible to Google you. No one can remember how to spell your damn name.

Paris Hilton hit up Falcon Club, a lesbian nightspot in Hollywood, last night wearing a brown wig.

She left holding hands with what the photo agencies are calling a “mystery woman.”

The photo agencies are retarded.

That’s Brittny Gastineau.

What’s weird about this is that Brittny is all BFF with Kim Kardashian, who Paris has reportedly been warring with for some time. Sleeping with the enemy, Brittny?

Kim Kardashian’s new BFF is starving herself and loving it!

FRIENDS of ex-reality star Brittny Gastineau are worried over her drastic weight loss. “She’s trying to get her modeling career off the ground, and she’s only 105 pounds now,” said a friend of the 5-foot-11 star of “Gastineau Girls.” When she walked in the Heatherette show in L.A. on the other night, “Everyone was commenting on how emaciated she looked.” Scarily, the bony brunette told Jay Leno’s “Ross the Intern” that “anorexia” is how she stayed thin.

Okay, I know the camera adds ten pounds, and I know this blog isn’t exactly an anti-anorexia crusade, but these are pics of Brittny taken at LA Fashion Week, on October 15. She doesn’t look emaciated to me. I also ran pics of her at the Kim Kardashian reality show screening a few days before that, and she didn’t look too thin there, either.

But we’re not pro-ana around here, so what can we do to fatten Brittny up a little?

Perhaps another ‘t’ in her name would help? Britttny? That has a little more weight to it, I think.

Ah, the transfer of power in Hollywood. First Paris Hilton helped make Kim Kardashian a celebrity in her own right. Now Kim is paying it forward, dragging Gastineau Girls never-was Brittny Gastineau onto the red carpet and back into the public eye. We saw the two brunettes together at The N’s 5-year anniversary party earlier this week, and Wednesday night they showed up together at Lorraine Schwartz Monkey Collection launch in NYC. Because with Paris in the slammer, Lindsay in rehab, and Britney being boring, I have no choice but to write about what Kim Kardashian is doing. Look, folks, I don’t like it any more than you do, but you have to admire their timing.

Also, guys, I may be developing a tiny crush on Brittny. Mostly because I like the way she spells her name. Maybe I’d like Kim better if she spelled it, like, Khimmnm. Oh, yeah. Fuck that’s hot.

Jennifer Lopez was there, too, in a super cute outfit, but she’s old now and I don’t care about her.

It’s a slow news day, so we’re gonna talk about breasts around here for a little while, and I just ran across these pics of Brittny Gastineau from last night.

They’ve been that size for awhile — I was just looking through old photos from Gastineau Girls and they’re about that large, but I can’t decide if they’re real or if she had a boob job. What do you guys think?