Archive for the ‘Britney Spears’ Category

Welcome to the Black Hole of Stupidity

Wednesday, November 29th, 2006

Via Page Six this morning,

“In a move that may cause a black hole of stupidity to implode in the middle of Las Vegas, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have been tapped to co-host the Billboard Music Awards at the MGM Grand Monday. The two “flashionistas” – who have recently given glimpses of their bare, well-groomed nether regions as they hang out with pal Lindsay Lohan – won’t perform any musical numbers.”

Some journalist was getting creative this morning. I love, that in the world of gossip news, “black hole of stupidity” is an acceptable phrase. Also…”flashonistas?”…brilliant! I do believe that this is the signal of the end of Britney’s “comeback.” Paris Hilton will get you in the papers but for all the wrong reasons. And by all the wrong reasons, I mean , vagina.

Now There are New TomKat Wedding Photos, Too

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

Which is primarily responsible for the vague sense of nausea you’ve had since you woke up this morning?

a) These recently released TomKat wedding photos (they’ll run in the December 5 Hello magazine)

b) The new Britney Spears va-jay-jay explosion?

c) The six vodka sodas you drank last night. And the pregnancy.
Thanks to MollyGood for the heads-up.

Britney’s Middle School Masterpiece: Decoded

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006


As a special service to you, my fine readers, I have taken upon myself the task of reading Britney Spears’ middle-school essay on the ancient Greek tragedy of Antigone (pronounced “An-tih-guh-nee”), which goes on the auction block at Christie’s next month. I have also volunteered to note the spelling, punctuation and/or grammar mistakes her teacher missed. Also, for those of you who were supposed to read Antigone for class this week, you can save the money for the Cliff Notes. Brit sums most of it up quite nicely.

Antigone is about a girl who loses her brother during a war. She wants to bury them [sic], but the new king, Creon, will not allow it, and who shall ever do so shall be killed. Antigone wants her brother buried, because she wants him to be able to be in the heaven of ghost. So she goes out and buries him. There was a roomer [sic] about her burying her brother, so the gaurds [sic] keep a good look out. Finally, they catch her. They take her to the king. The king’s son is suppose [sic] to marry her. The son begs his father to have mercy, but nothing stops him. He puts her in a chamber. A [sic] advisor comes along and warns him that the God [sic] are angry with him. He get’s [sic] scared so he lets her go. [Ed: apparently this didn't actually happen in the play]. When they go to the chamber, they find her dead, because of suicide. Her soon to be [sic] husband kills himself, because he can’t stand the thought ->

Wanna know the rest? Put in a bid on Christie’s. It’s estimated to go for $500-700. Or, you know, read the play.

Menage a Trois!

Monday, November 27th, 2006

Paris and Lindsay can never stay mad at each other, and it seems now Britney Spears has been drawn into this love/hate relationship. It wasn’t too long ago that Lindsay Lohan was caught on camera calling Paris Hilton a cunt. On Wednesday night, Lindsay pulled up to Hollywood hotspot Teddy’s — where Britney and Paris were partying inside — with Kevin Federline’s CD blasting in her car, and announced that she thought K-Fed was sexy and might be interested in “hooking up with him.” (Britney was overheard later saying “Tell her please, seriously, take him!”) Then, on Sunday, L2 told paparazzi that Paris Hilton had hit her with a drink at a party on Saturday night (watch the video).

The natural conclusion to all this is, of course, the three girls partying together on Sunday night, and leaving in the same car. In the video, Paris is asked about the drink-pouring incident, and she directs the paparazzi to Lohan herself, who is walking up behind them. “Lindsay, tell them the truth!” she says. “Paris never hit me,” says Lohan, “she’s my friend. Everyone lies about everything…she never did that, she’s a good girl, she’s a nice person. Please, stop trying to make us hate each other.” (Um, Lindsay, stop talking trash about her on video.) As she gets into the car with Britney and Paris, a photog actually says “Oh, this is classic.”

I should note that, in the 18,000 videos of Paris and Britney leaving clubs together this week, Britney almost never says a thing. She is clearly way too busy being ridiculously drunk, holding onto Paris, a publicist, and/or a car to maintain her balance most of the time. As she stumbles into the car in the last video, and the photogs try to take up-skirt shots, Paris admonishes them, “Guys, don’t be pervs.” (They got the shot anyway).

Oh, man, I cannot wait until Paris and Britney get into a huge fight. Maybe Britney will sleep with Stavros. Or Paris will sleep with K-Fed (although the former Mr. Spears is rumored to already have a new woman). Or Britney will become BFF with Shanna Moakler (whom, claims Travis Barker, has always been jealous of Paris). The possibilities are endless! Stay tuned!

Britney Spears Crotch Shot: Coming Soon?

Sunday, November 26th, 2006


According to the NY Daily News:

Spears was snapped with Hilton on Friday night leaving West Hollywood’s Hyde nightclub in a white T-shirt and black mini-skirt (both very Hilton-esque) as well as a pair of Paris’ trademark oversize sunglasses.

While maneuvering out of the cab in the black mini, Spears managed to flash her goods to the throng of paparazzi – and there was an awful lot to see.

I have a feeling the pictures are here, but I can’t get the page to load. Will keep you posted…

The point this really drives home for me is just that Paris Hilton is (still) a goddamn publicity genius. Britney Spears is going through one of the most high-profile divorces of the decade? Be her best friend. Get her trashed. Make sure she doesn’t wear underwear. Be with her when crotch shot is snapped. Just brilliant.

Update: Wow, that wasn’t even the worst of it. The world premiere of Britney Spears’ labia, here.

Update 11/29: Oops, she did it again.

The Britney Spears Crotch Shot!!!!

Saturday, November 25th, 2006

britney_crotch_censored1.jpg

Jump inside for the uncensored pics.

(more…)

K-Fed Offered a Job!

Friday, November 24th, 2006


Perhaps Mr. Britney Spears won’t have to resort to selling sex tapes after all. While his soon-to-be ex-wife traverses the country on Paris Hilton’s coattails, Kevin Federline has reportedly been offered nearly $300,000 to appear on the U.K.’s Celebrity Big Brother.

According to an insider, “Kevin is hugely entertaining because he takes himself really seriously – even though no one else does. He’ll be great for the show because it’s all about larger-than-life characters.” Although Federline’s “real” fans should not be counted out — X17 snuck cameras into his recent House of Blues show, and caught Kevin leading an (unironically) cheering crowd in a chorus of — if I’m hearing this right — “Fuck K-Fed.” I’m not sure I completely understand the context, but about halfway through the film someone holds a Long Island iced tea up in the air, and that’s really all the explanation I need.

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