Check out Brad Pitt’s appearance on The Today Show.

So it must be relevant.

I’d tell you what this video is about, but I honestly don’t care enough about Brangelina anymore to even watch it. So, whatever, I suck at my job. But you guys are reading this at work right now, so you’re not exactly rock stars at yours, either.

Brad’s dressed for the premiere of Oliver!, but they’re actually at the Beowulf premiere in LA.

Angelina is dressed as a coat rack.

Eat, woman!

Angie and Brad are still out and about in NYC.

She’s soooo skinny, but look at those tits!

I don’t think she got implants or anything, but those breasts do not match those scrawny little arms.

Now that the Jolie-Pitts have enrolled their eldest in a ridiculously ritzy school on the Upper East Side — and refuse to have nannies take him to and from — the paparazzi know exactly where they can find these folks, day in and day out.

I do think it’s funny, though, how they go as a couple to pick him up, creating a paparazzi frenzy. I mean, really, guys, would it be all that big a deal to send a nanny in to get him? Or just have one of his teachers bring him out to the tinted-windowed car? Because Maddox Jolie-Pitt — not to mention the rest of his class — is going to have the most twisted idea about what school is. Okay, okay. When your elementary school costs $20K/year, you’re definitely going to have a twisted idea about what school is. But when your walk to and from school is basically the Oscars red carpet minus Joan Rivers? By the time he’s in third grade, Mad’s going to have to start taking a publicist with him to school to tell him which reporters to talk to and remind him who he’s wearing and who did his backpack. Giuliana DePandi’s gonna be all like, “I’m loving your JanSport. We’re really seeing that come back this season.” This kid’s spelling tests are going to run on Page Six. The entire staff of the Post is going to have to learn how to speak elementary French so they can weigh in on his book reports. I’m so excited.

Because Brad Pitt may get old, but photos of this family never, ever will. There have been a ton of photos of Brad, Angie and Maddox wandering around Manhattan lately, but none of the other kids. I wonder where they’re hiding.

Also: Angelina is a toothpick. I mean, she’s really just skin and bones.

I’d been hesitant about it for awhile, but I’m ready to say it now: there’s something really wrong with her. There’s an eating disorder or there’s a drug problem or both. She’s not okay.

And I’m sad, too!

If Brad Pitt can get old, anyone can get old.

Pitt, 43, spoke recently to Details magazine about being over the hill. (And they airbrushed the hell out of him on the cover. They may as well have just photographed the figure of him at Madame Tussaud’s.)

“One thing sucks,” he says. “Your face kind of goes. Your body’s not quite working the same.”

And it wouldn’t be an interview these days without a discussion of The World’s Most Important Person. “This Paris Hilton quest for fame … she’s blissfully oblivious,” he laughs, recalling how he and Jolie had been traveling for a month and turned on the TV. “And on comes Paris Hilton, going to jail. And so we just turned it off again.”

You know, Brad, when your lovely life partner was Paris Hilton’s age, she was wearing Billy Bob Thornton’s blood in a vial around her neck and talking to red carpet reporters about how they’d just fucked in the limo. That was years before she was the humanitarian husband-stealer she’s become today. I’m just saying. For all you know, in a few years, Paris Hilton will be married to a Nobel Prize winner and distributing AIDS medications in the Congo as a Goodwill Ambassador. You know? I’m just saying. And I can’t believe I’m standing up for Paris Hilton here, but Jesus Christ, Brad, your perfect fucking girlfriend used to be a perfect fucking headcase.