Star magazine, who first issued the story, has printed a retraction:

Sources in a position to have information regarding a secret wedding ceremony between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had confirmed to Star that the couple married in the French Quarter Wedding Chapel on Saturday, March 29. “There were two weddings, one planned and one unplanned,” one source told Star. “Brad and Angelina’s was the planned ceremony. The weather wasn’t good, so we were indoors.” After further investigation, the sources are not standing by their story. Brad and Angelina’s reps have not commented.

Someone over at Star is getting FIRED.

Us magazine is saying that reports of a Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie wedding on Saturday are “complete and total bulls–t.”

“Bottom line,” says a source, “they’re not even in New Orleans.”

Hmmmm.

What do you guys think? Did they tie the knot or not?

Star magazine is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married on Saturday afternoon in New Orleans.

If it’s true, it’s all you’re going to be hearing about all week.

And everyone’s still reporting that Angie’s expecting twins.

Because it turns out they’re ninth cousins.

And Brad Pitt? He’s a ninth cousin of Barack Obama.

OMG.

Only on a slow news day, people. Only on a slow news day.

Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, the researchers found.

Clinton … and Jolie, meanwhile, are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.

Seriously?

And I went to elementary school with John McCain’s daughter. No, really, I did. She was a couple of years below me. I was her 4th grade reading buddy. She wore big red glasses and she was adorable. I’m gonna call my PR agency. We oughtta issue a press release on a slow news day.

Brad Pitt and President Bill Clinton joined forces to help rebuild the 9th Ward in New Orleans.

They combined their foundations, Make it Right 9 and Clinton Global Initiative, to break ground on the rebuilding of homes that were affected by hurricane Katrina.

Nothing snarky to say. This is sweet.

TMZ is reporting that Pax’s adoption to Angelina and Brad has been finalized.

The adoption had to be approved in both Vietnam and L.A. (which aren’t as dissimilar as you may think) – the L.A. step was finalized yesterday.

Congrats to proud Momma, Poppa, and Pax.

Angelina Jolie continues to cover up that potential baby bump as she attends the Santa Barbara film festival, where she received the award for outstanding performance of the year for A Mighty Heart, that feel-good 9/11 flashback film that no one saw because we still fucking remember the real thing.