Whitney Houston has released an official statement denying Bobby Brown reconciliation rumors.  Uh…what?  I scanned the original story (the one where “unnamed sources” said Bobby and Whitney totally, definitely, possibly could be getting back together) a few days ago and then immediately drank a bottle of rubbing alcohol in an attempt to obliterate the memory.  Or vodka…it might have been vodka.  Either way, I am very relieved to hear it was a BS story.  I may be a couple of days late but Whitney’s denial is what I am most thankful for. 

I’m convinced that paps just make up these stories during slow news times, i.e. the holidays.  I’m thinking at Christmas, we should expect headlines such as “Amy Winehouse Opts For Water Without Scotch!”  Or “Posh Spice Eats!”  You know, something completely unbelievable.

Bobby Brown is one big huge giant turd.

The huge loser has written a tell-all about his relationship with Whitney Houston. In it, he basically blames Whitney for his drug problem.

“I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice,” he says. “At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine.”

Heh. “Cooked cocaine.” Uh, dude, in most circles we call that “crack.” I have known many drug addicts and recovering drug addicts in my life, and I have never in my life heard any of them say that they smoked “cooked cocaine.” That’s fucking hilarious.

Brown claims his marriage “was doomed from the very beginning. Within the first year we separated, with several more to follow. I think we got married for all the wrong reasons. Now, I realize Whitney had a different agenda than I did when we got married . . . I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children.”

And in response to allegations that he cheated on Whitney with Karrine “Superhead” Steffans: “Yes, I’ve slept with her. Yes, I’ve spent several nights at her house. But she was only good for what her nickname stood for.”

Oh my God!

What a fucking asshole. Like, dude, okay, you’re writing a book to talk shit about the ex-wife you hate. But do you really have to call some random chick you repeatedly spent the night with a valueless piece of trash? Soooo classy, buddy.

Whitney’s rep released the following statement in response:

“Miss Houston is sad that Bobby feels he need to say such things but she choses to take the high road and will not speak badly about the father of her child even if it’s to set the record straight.”

Geez, Bobby, I hope you make a shitload of money on this book. Because it cost you what little dignity you had left.

Britney leaves Promises to attend an AA meeting in Santa Monica. And Perez wins this link by being the only blogger with the sense to clip the other people out of the pic. [Perez Hilton]

The Associated Press has revoked Paris Hilton’s media privileges. [The Blemish]

Hide your crack; Bobby Brown’s out of jail. [Celebrity Smack]

Nicole Richie is not engaged to Joel Madden, people — she’s wearing a ring because we haven’t been writing enough about her lately. Sorry, Nicole. Our bad. We won’t let it happen again. [POTP]

If Rumer Willis wasn’t enough for you, her fifteen-year-old sister, Scout, is now officially drinking age. [dlisted]

Nick Cannon’s not married, just totally pussy-whipped. [Glitterati]

Jessica Simpson on the set of her aptly named film, Blonde Ambition. [A Socialite's Life]

I completely forgot that ANTM premiered this week, so thank goodness someone thought to recap it. [IBBB]