Pleasing. That’s the only way to describe this.

Starbucks is handing out coffee for nothing after years of overcharging for highly addictive substances. I adore Starbucks. They give health insurance to employees and their coffee packs more caffeine per punch. Those two things are pleasing too. The free coffee dealie goes down March 15th from 10am to noon.

Now for the bad news. Every huckster and scrub within 1000 miles will descend upon my sanctuary which will make the lines long. This will cause me to buy a pastry, as a coping mechanism, which will defeat the purpose of the whole exercise.

Starbucks, you are a most worthy adversary.

Channel 4 in the UK is has a new show called “Too Big To Walk?” It is a rip off of NBC’s “The Biggest Loser.” Essentially they are taking a group of morbidly obese people and taking them on a 500 mile trek from England to Edinburgh.

I really hope that nobody really is “Too Big to Walk” because that is essentially the whole point of the show. I wonder what the catchphrase is….are they going to kick off people when they can’t keep walking?

“You are…Too Big to Walk.” Depressing eh. I can’t even imagine how angry these folks are going to be when they are sore and hungry and having to trek around the countryside.

I really hope they bring this show to the US…I love “The Biggest Loser.” I’m a big fan of shows that emphasize losing weight by exercise. I also love it when contestants get randomly hot.
Check out the show’s site here.

I don’t know why this is so incredibly funny to me. Maybe because I went to Arizona State, where I’m fairly certain vanity hit that asymptotic high point after which any further changes are infinitesimal in, like, 1987. I’m not sure why they even bother holding classes there anymore. Classes are to frat parties at ASU the way that television programming is to commercials at NBC: just the tedious filler in between the rapes value-added content. Asymptotes? I learned about them in high school. Vomiting in the shower without allowing it to clog the drain? That, I mastered as a Sun Devil, baby!!! (And a special welcome to all 500 visitors an hour who will now show up here looking for pro-mia content … here’s a tip: stop.)

Ahhh….

Article here if you care.

Now that we have the boring film awards part out of the way, we can focus on the truly important aspects of the Oscars: the parties and the gossip! While only the creme de la creme gets an invite to the actual awards ceremony (so can someone please explain to me what Jessica Biel was doing there?), plenty more celebs show up to the viewing parties and the after-parties. The biggest after-party is always Vanity Fair’s, which was hosted this year at Morton’s. Celebs who showed up included Gwyneth Paltow, Oprah, Madonna, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Kirsten Dunst, Daniel Craig, Orlando Bloom, and many, many more. PopSugar and their WireImage subscription have more pictures of it than you could ever flip through. Well, maybe you could. Pictures from inside the party are here, pics of the men arriving are here, and pics of the women arriving are here.

Elton John hosted his annual AIDS Foundation Oscar bash in Beverly Hills. Attendees included Tara Reid, Victoria Beckham, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Diddy (who should probably be spending less time at parties and more time keeping his 12-year-old son away from lap dances), Sheryl Crow, Eve, Petra Nemcova, Naomi Campbell and Sharon Stone. One billion pictures here.

Giorgio Armani hosted his elite pre-Oscar party on Saturday night at Ron Burkle’s estate. Attendees included George Clooney, Anne Hathaway, Penelope Cruz, Chris Kattan, John Travolta, Mischa Barton, Dylan McDermott, Sandra Oh, Clive Owen, Angie Harmon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Beyonce, and Katie Holmes. Pics here.

So, lots of pretty pictures. Boring, right? Totally. You want the dirt? Well, me too. Sometimes it takes a few days for the good stuff to trickle out, but I’ll give you what I’ve got so far.

Eddie Murphy, always a class act, left the awards ceremony in a huff after losing the Best Supporting Actor award to Alan Arkin. “He’s very disappointed,” says a friend. Murphy didn’t even stick around to see the Dreamgirls performance, and missed out on watching co-star Jennifer Hudson (and her spacesuit) win the Best Supporting Actress award. It’s okay, Eddie. Maybe you’ll get a shot at Best Actor for Norbit.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was hosting the viewing party at gay hot-spot The Abbey, if by “hosting” you mean “sitting in a corner and refusing to talk to anyone and leaving the second Best Picture was announced.” Full report on her bitchiness by an attendee here.

Sharon Stone treated the crew at Morton’s with a repeat performance of her role as drunken auctioneer. Reports ABC:

Stone, unsteady on her feet and slurring her words, rambled, “I’ve been sitting at my table with P. Diddy and Jon Bon Jovi, and I’m a little messed up,” later calling herself a “bad girl.” She did manage, however, to get two different attendees bidding on a chance to attend John’s 60th birthday bash to each front $250,000.

If you just want to relive your favorite moments for the Oscars telecast, you’re in luck. The videos are all over the Internet. Remember when Ryan showed Giuliana his Calvin Klein underwear on the red carpet? That precious moment of awkwardness is forever memorialized here. The song and dance by Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly? Here. The Dreamgirls performance in all its belted glory is here. At least Jennifer Hudson spent five minutes of the ceremony looking like she lives on planet Earth. Shadow dancing? Hells yes.