Jaslene, baby, I’m sorry, but you’re out.

Blake Lively, welcome to the bedroom of my imaginary lesbian life. You know, the one I have only in the voice I use to write this blog. (I say this because my mother mentioned that she disliked reading about my lesbian girl crushes. When her friends ask what I do for a living, she tells them I do “independent Internet work.” I’m like, “Jesus, Mom, why don’t you just come out and say I do porn?” Mom, darling, don’t be embarrassed of me, be embarrassed of the voice.)

Isn’t she just adorable? Fresh-faced, perky and upbeat! Her smile warms my heart! She’s like Hayden Panettiere but thin!

Man, it sure is a good thing I’m not a dude. I’d totally be one of those assholes who’s like, “You’re beautiful, sweetie. I mean, it wouldn’t kill you to lose ten pounds. But you’re beautiful just the way you are.”

Blake walked the carpet at the Hamptons Film Festival (everyone has a film festival) to promote Elvis and Anabelle, where she plays the title female character. Wow, attending a premiere for a film you’re actually in? Take that, Tara Reid!

“It is a crazy and completely insane business. I’ll go to an event wearing some designer gown and tens of thousands of dollars in jewels that were lent to me for the night, and I’ll walk around and meet people who I always thought were such a big deal…Stars really are like anyone else. At the end of the day, Brad Pitt poops — as handsome as he may be–and so does Angelina Jolie. I’m still baffled by how odd this job is.”

Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively, to CosmoGirl

I think Blake may be my new girl crush. As some of you have pointed out, Jaslene is really kind of disgustingly skinny lately, and while I applaud her humanitarian efforts, she’s kind of losing her sheen for me. Blake, on the other hand, is super adorable and healthy looking. Yeah. I definitely have a thing for her.