Archive for the ‘Billy Bob Thornton’ Category

Tea Leoni Surrenders All Public Goodwill to the Army of Billy Bob Thornton’s Penis

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

ZOMG.

So, like, after Tea Leoni’s husband, David Duchovny, checked himself into sex rehab, we were all like, “Awww, poor Tea! What a doll to support her husband through such a horrific and humiliating time. Hooray for Tea!”

But it turns out that part of the couple’s problems actually stemmed from the fact that she was having sex with the grossness that is Billy Bob Thornton.

Apparently David found sexual texts sent between the two, and witnesses report seeing Tea at a bunch of Billy Bob’s band gigs, where she “helps him load and unload his truck.” Heh. “Unloading the truck.” Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Maybe Today Should Be Pandora Day Instead

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

Because my Pandora box is a goddamn comedy goldmine today. Now on? Billy Bob Thornton, “Angelina.” I’ve posted the lyrics here, because, well, it’s just not fair that a song like this has been forgotten by pop culture. Or by Angelina Jolie.

I walked into an elevator
and you walked inta a wall
you said you wanted to be with me
I never dreamed I’d have it all
but sometimes changed that day inside me
and I believe it changed inside you too

Yeah Angelina can you feel it
watch the angels as they’re dancin’ up above
Angelina what’s come between us
Could it be the magic and the mystery of love

They all said we’d never make it
Two crazy panthers on the prowl
They said we would only fake it for a while
But we just looked at them and growled
You were masked and tied and cut and weary
But I said that’s okay you can be a girl

Yeah Angelina can you feel it
watch the angels as they’re dancin’ up above
Angelina what’s come between us
Could it be the magic and the mystery of love

This ain’t no chance we’re takin’
It’s real love that we’re makin’
The blindfold’s off and now we see
Yeah we see Angelina oh Angelina

Angelina what’s come between us
Could it be the magic and the mystery of love
Could it be the magic and the mystery of Angelina

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