Ugh.  I was really hoping this wouldn’t happen.  Etta James issued a sorta apology for the comments she made about Beyonce.

James told the New York Daily News, “I didn’t really mean anything.  Even as a little child, I’ve always had that comedian kind of attitude…That’s probably what went into it.  Nobody was getting mad at me in Seattle.  They were all laughing, and it was funny.”   She shared that her pre-song commentary didn’t come “from a vicious place” and also that she wasn’t too concerned about offending President Obama.  “He’s got other stuff [to worry about] besides Etta James.”

When asked if she felt that she would have performed “At Last” better than Beyonce, she did reply, “I think so. That’s a shame to say that.”

Thanks Etta.  Thanks for letting your publicist get the better of you and for giving in to the pressure of making a retraction.  Thanks for stripping away the biggest joy I’ve felt since Mischa’s last DUI.  Just, thanks.

Oh.  Hell.  Yes.  During a Seattle concert a few nights ago, Etta James said what I’ve needed to hear for so long now.  She can’t stand Beyonce.  The relief is so immense for me to learn that I am not alone; it comes over me in waves.  Speaking of waves of pleasure, the clip above is from the concert.  Yeah, you have to look at annoying ads, but it’s totally worth the aural orgasm you will surely experience in multiples.  I don’t know if she downed a few Sidecars before she went on stage, but whatever it takes to speak the truth honey.  She told the audience, “You know, YOUR President, the one with the big ears-he ain’t MY President–had that woman singing for him at his Inauguration.  She’s going to get her ass whooped….Beyonce…I can’t stand Beyonce.  How dare Beyonce sing MY song that I been singing forever?  Now I’m going to sing it for y’all….”  Yes!  Please!  Kick her ass!  Rip out her weave!  Put a ring on it!  I need this!

I actually wondered the same thing when I tolerated watching Beyonce at the inauguration.  Why didn’t the large-eared dude just ask Etta James asked to sing her signature song?

Pictures in gallery of Etta pretending to like Beyonce, at the LA premiere of Cadillac Records.  You know, the movie where Beyonce plays Etta?  Girl obviously overstepped her bounds and now might get killed by a senior citizen.  Oh well.

I know I am tough on Beyonce.  Her talent and hair are issues for me.  However, as this is the era of change,  I wish to reach out to the most devout of Beyonce fans.  Call it my own personal reaching across the aisle.  I am trying to understand the other side’s point of view and I need your help.  From this side of the aisle, I must admit that there appears to be something seriously wrong with the girl.  I mean, she’s at the MTV Europe Music Awards wearing a Space Building.  How can you possibly be OK with this?  For years I’ve tolerated watching her wear her mother’s “custom creations” which consisted of being slathered with Elmer’s Glue and having 17,000 spangles thrown at her.  Whatever stuck was how House of Dereon was born.  And now this…

I absolutely love the description of this Gareth Pugh dress…”made of elastic bands and rows and rows of YKK zippers.”  Well elastic bands can be bought at Staples and YKK zippers are the most common zipper known to man.  This is the zipper brand of Toughskins.  It’s like bragging that your premier restaurant only serves the finest vintage of Mountain Dew.  I don’t consider this a selling point and you need a selling point when you are trying to sell a frock where everyone’s going to greet you with “Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto” every time you wear it. 

So I ask you, members of the Beyonce fan club, is she just a fashion pioneer or am I on the right track in thinking that her stylist is doing lines at Fashion Week? 

Pictorial below of Beyonce as the full realization hits of what she has on her body.

“I’m there. I can’t wait. I feel like all of us, we’re ready to do whatever we have to do. Whatever they want - if they need me to volunteer, they need me to sing, I’m there, and I’m ready.”

Beyonce inviting herself to Inaugural Day activities

Beyonce was inducted into the International Pediatric Hall of Fame at the Miami Children’s Hospital Foundation Diamond Ball and Private Concert this weekend.  I support famous people who use their celebrity for charitable organizations and the greater good.  However…

You’ve never seen so much off the rack acetate crap in your life.  Looking at these pictures makes me feel like I’m at the prom of hell.  Someone get me a bucket of pigs’ blood STAT.

Highlights include:  Beyonce’s mother/stylist hates her, Smokey Robinson bursts out crying when he realizes he’s wearing a sequinned cumberbund, in a twist of irony Gloria Gaynor looks like a movie theater sized box of Good and Plenty,  Gloria Estefan appears robust and various other synthetic material tragedies.

After six years of dating in relative peace, Jay-Z and Beyonce Knowles have reportedly filed for a marriage license.

They’ve kept their private relationship notoriously private, rarely talking about each other or their relationship in interviews.

The marriage license isn’t the same thing as getting married, obviously, but it’s valid for 60 days should they choose to bite the bullet.

And everything had been going so well before …

I mean, for reals, people, those are birthing hips. This is a woman who was made to accidentally pop out a kid while she’s taking a shit, pull the baby out of the toilet, wipe, and get on with her day. Like I’m pretty sure I could emerge, at age 25, from that woman’s uterus — while clutching my television set and, you know, my car — and we would both be in pretty good shape afterwards.

Jesus, those are hips.