I don’t know about you, but this recession has taught me one thing: If it costs more than five dollars, I can’t afford to eat it. This has forced me to eat many meals at my local taco truck and lots and lots of steamed broccoli (great fiber, you guys), but honestly it hasn’t been that bad. Until today, anyway. That’s when I saw that Bey and Jay are going out and spending 1200 bones on a mid-day meal and leaving behind 500 dollar tips. Damn! Just the thought of that makes me want to go splurge on a seven dollar sandwich and get as crazy as my idols. Pics of the couple dining with who I assume are business partners below…

I can’t believe I’m about to ask this, but can we please discuss Beyonce and her history with southeast Asia?

Two years ago, Beyonce cancelled a scheduled performance in Malaysia because she wasn’t willing to put some clothes on.  The Malaysians have rules and she wasn’t willing to pay respect to a nation’s culture by putting on a shirt.  She ended up performing for those progressive Indonesians instead.

A few weeks ago, Beyonce said that she’d be performing in Kuala Lampur as part of her “I Am” tour — should be the “I Am A Liar” tour.  The concert promoter has announced that her performance has been “postponed to a future date to be announced shortly.”  In other words, this show is never going to happen because Beyonce still won’t robe up and obviously thought she could change the mind of an entire government body.

I think it’s high time that B accept the facts:  Malaysia isn’t ready for your jelly.

Two years ago, Beyonce was scheduled to perform in Malaysia, but canceled the show after members of the country’s conservative Islamic majority threatened to protest or petition the government to ban the concert if she didn’t cover up her bootyliciousness. At the time, Beyonce’s PR people claimed that the show was canceled due to a scheduling conflict, but really, she wasn’t willing to follow the country’s modesty laws which state that any female must cover herself from shoulder to ankle. She went to Indonesia instead, where the dress code is more lax.

Now, her website has released a statement saying the singer will take the stage in Kuala Lampur on October 25th as part of her “I am” world tour. The majority government isn’t too excited about it, and released a statement containing one of the most amusing anti-western quotes in recent history:

Sabki Yusof, youth vice head of the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party, said Sunday that they would send a protest note to the government over the concert. He said it was the government’s “responsibility to protect the people of Malaysia” from what he described as immoral Western influences.

“We are not against entertainment as long as it is within the framework of our culture and our religion,” Sabki said. “We are against Western sexy performances. We don’t think our people need that.”

In Knowles news of a smellier sort, Beyonce is currently being sued by Abercrombie and Fitch for copyright infringement. The company claims that a fragrance named after Knowles’ alter ego Sasha Fierce violates a copyright they hold on fragrances named “fierce.”

Ironically, both Knowles and Abercrombie are being sued by Garth Brooks for infringing upon the copyright he holds on lame alter egos and general doucheyness.

Oh, how this pains me.  You all know that I’m not a huge fan of Beyonce’s — molls is a die-hard fan and I really wish this story broke while she was still working — but you have to watch this.  Last night, after Kanye acted like the biggest asshole in the universe, Beyonce won Video of the Year and turned over her acceptance speech time to Taylor Swift so that she could have her moment.  I begrudgingly admit that Beyonce was a true class act.  I searched far and wide for a quality clip that didn’t involve the camera cutting to Perez, but I failed.  As an aside, Lady Gaga looks like a fantasy danish.

Kanye was supposed to perform but his time was scrapped.  It’s all rumor at this point, but people on Twitter were saying that he was escorted to the door.  Oh, how I hope that is true.  People reports that Kanye did post an apology to Taylor on his blog.  I didn’t see it there this morning, but People would never lie to me, so it must be true.  I’m sure it read something like:  ”TAYLOR I’M SORRY BUT BEYONCE IS THE BEST AND YOU ARE IRRELEVANT”

Katy Perry may have summed it up best on Twitter last night:  ”FUCK U KANYE. IT’S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN.”

Kelly Clarkson has been fighting with her record label in an effort to stop the release of her single “Already Gone”.  She co-wrote the lyrics against a trace provided by Ryan Tedder, a music producer.  Turns out, Tedder gave the same track to Beyonce who used the music as the backdrop to her single “Halo”.  

Clarkson says, “No one’s gonna be sittin’ at home, thinking ‘Man, Ryan Tedder gave Beyoncé and Kelly the same track to write to.’  No, they’re just gonna be saying I ripped someone off…I fought and fought”.  In the end, they’re releasing it without my consent.  It sucks, but it’s one of those things I have no control over. I already made my album. At this point, the record company can do whatever they want with it. It’s kind of a sh- – -y situation, but . . . you know, you learn.”

I’ve posted both tracks above.  Which is better?  I’m sure all the Evil Beet regulars know my vote.

Beyonce wrapped up her London tour with a duet performance of “If I Were A Boy” with George Michael. 

It was nice of George to take a hiatus from exposing himself in bathrooms and doing drugs in parks, and all, but I have to ask:  Does this version of “IIWAB” really sound that much better than the hoax recording of Beyonce from a few months ago?

Is she just going to spend the remainder of her career writhing around in black-and-white with two backup dancers?

Anyway.

I love this song’s lyrics.