Beyonce brought a little Alanis flavor to the opening night of her tour in Edmonton, Canada, doing a cover of “You Oughtta Know.” (Alanis, you’ll recall, is a Canada girl, so that may have been why she chose this song.)

I hate to sound like Paula Abdul here, but she didn’t really make it her own. It played like an exact copy of Alanis’s version. Also, seriously, how 10 years ago is it to encourage the audience to sing the “fuck her” part of that song? I mean, really. Come on, B. I expect more from you.

So I’ve been listening to old England Dan songs, downing bottles of Two Buck Chuck and cruising around the internet when I came across this bullshit.  And I had to share.

Remember this dress which made Beyonce look like her jelly factory exploded?  Well, ages after the fact, her rep has released a statement because she’s under some impression we care:  “This is not a weight-gain issue.  Beyonce is in the best shape of her life. The exaggerated hips are a design element of a truly couture dress. Beyonce has always loved this dress.”  Yeah, whatever, padded hips-very attractive.

But here’s the “hold on one fucking New York minute,” part:  the rep also claims that the dress had to be taken in four inches in the waist as it was originally made for the 23-inch waisted Jerry Hall.  Now, I may have too much vino on the brain, but according to my pocket calculator, that means Beyonce has a nineteen-inch waist.

Hysterical laughing? Comments?

Beyonce was on the streets of New York this weekend filming a new video.  Incidentally, my favorite little glitterwurst looks a little dead in the eyes; corsets can do that to a woman.  It’s like her very soul is being extruded out of her via her hips.  For some unknown reason, that conjures up images of cheese in a can.

Anyway, caption this.

Beyonce Knowles has landed the much-sought-after gig of singing for Barack and Michelle Obama’s first dance on inauguration night Tuesday.

But … event organizers are keeping the song she’s singing completely secret until the actual performance.

All I have to say about this is: Was Danity Kane already booked? Because I think they should have performed “Damaged,” except instead of “heart” they would need to say “country.” And Aubrey O’Day could re-enact her Playboy shoot, and, if nothing else, it would force the nation to start fresh, at least as far as their bedsheets were concerned.

What do you guys think Beyonce will sing????

This is actually a very perfect look on her and I don’t really have anything mean to say.

Okay, that’s not entirely true: She needs to get her roots done.

Other than that, this dress highlights her perfect hourglass figure, and I’m actually thinking it would look really good on me, too. I may borrow it later on, B!

What do you guys think???

God, I LOVE me some Ali Larter. But not in a sex way, really. We’ve been over this before, I know, but I think I want her to be my big sister. I just absolutely adore her. I’ll see this just because she’s in it.

“I grew up upper-class. Private school. My dad had a Jaguar. We’re African-American and we work together as a family, so people assume we’re like the Jacksons. But I didn’t have parents using me to get out of a bad situation.”

Beyonce Knowles, in a very interesting interview with January’s Elle. The whole thing’s worth a read, no matter how you feel about Beyonce.

The photo shoot?

Is … interesting … too.