Ah, you know what a fan I am of Beyonce.  Watch B and Lady Gaga do high kicks and writhe around in multi-colored bustiers.  Enjoy!

This clip right here, taken from some random person’s TV (sorry it’s so crappy), shows an angle we didn’t see to the whole Lil Mama crashing Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ performance at the VMAs-incident until now. Apparently when Lil Mama started running up on stage, she was actually trying to pull a mortified looking Beyonce up with her, which officially makes Beyonce the second most victimized person of the 2009 VMAs (Taylor Swift obviously is taking first place on this one…) While Lil Mama’s actions were still completely ridiculous, I do find some comfort in knowing that she was just trying to “bring the party” by inviting herself and Bey up on stage as opposed to straight crashing as I think we all originally thought she was.

I dunno about you guys, but I’m picking up on a theme in Beyonce’s videos off of this record.

I think it’s a good time for a fill-in-the-blank game.

The theme of Beyonce’s videos from the I Am … Sasha Fierce album is: __________________ .

Your suggestions go in the comments.

You can watch the “Ego” video here and the “Single Ladies” video here. The “Halo” video breaks most of the rules, but it’s here anyway.

B showed off the goods when she took a dip in the ocean in Miami yesterday. Seriously, though, what’s up with her keeping her shorts on??? We want the WHOLE PICTURE, Beyonce! Why won’t you let us see your full bootyliciousness? It’s the least you can do to repay us for infecting society with that word.

This is what Beyonce went shopping in while in Paris on tour.

Note that she was wearing different shoes when she left than when she came in.

Beyonce is in Austria and has already pissed off the people there.  Yesterday she was scheduled to attend a specially arranged tour of the famed Albertine museum.  Instead, she sent a look-alike to appear and pose with the director of the museum so that Beyonce could go shopping instead.

The museum spokesperson, Verena Dahlitz, summed it up like this:  “What a cheek.  We were a little doubtful yesterday, but weren’t really sure. It could have been her.”

What the people at Albertine don’t know is that the impostor was Sasha Fierce.  Duh.

In more Viennese hijinks, Beyonce’s concert was only half-full and received lots of mixed reviews.

UPDATE:  Another hoax story!  This is the second one in, like, the past week.  Listen, guys.  I think this is God’s way of telling me that I’m not supposed to be writing about Beyonce.  Though I am happy to report that the part about her bad reviews and half-full arenas-totally true!

Thanks to our friends at Celebitchy for straightening all this Beyonce madness out!

I’d written this whole article about how ungracious Beyonce was being, which I’m sure some other sites will be doing as well in the next day. Luckily, Celebitchy’s husband – who’s German – offered to read a few of the articles and translate, and the English articles got the story entirely wrong. What actually happened is that radio station Krone-Hit arranged the museum visit as a prank on the museum without Beyonce’s knowledge. Presumably they were acting as though they were Beyonce’s representatives. Then they sent the Beyonce double to the museum. Who, from the picture, isn’t that great a doppelganger – she has a much smaller frame, and even with sunglasses you can tell the face isn’t all that similar. She looks a lot more like Leona Lewis than Beyonce in my opinion.

The museum employees became suspicious because the faux-Beyonce avoided eye contact with the director and was behaving oddly. The radio station has YouTube video up (it’s in German) but according to Celebitchy they’re still not admitting it isn’t her, though it’s obvious to anyone with semi-vision. The woman shows up in a limo that has a picture of Beyonce on the window and bodyguards surrounding it to give the impression that it’s her.

Beyonce and the museum were just the victims of a stupid prank. The problem is that it seriously wasted the gallery’s time, and it may very well become a PR issue for Beyonce. I’m fairly certain most sites don’t have the advantage of a German translator at the ready and will have to assume that Yahoo’s story is accurate. But to be clear, Beyonce appears to have had absolutely nothing to do with it. The only thing that was correct about the article was that her concert got some pretty bad reviews.

Despite getting terrible reviews, Beyonce’s new flick, Obsessed, was easily the top dog at the box office this weekend, bringing in an impressive $28.5. The film co-stars Idris Elba and Ali Larter.

I’m not a huge Beyonce fan, but I’ll probably wind up renting this movie at some point just because I’m in love with Ali Larter.

Zac Efron scooted into second place with 17 Again, which brought in $11.7M in its second weekend. It looks like Fighting and The Soloist will take third and fourth places, respectively.

Studios are heading into summer on a box-office tear, with receipts running at a record pace. Revenues for the year are at $3.06 billion, up 17.4% over last year. Factoring in higher ticket prices, movie attendance is up 15.7 percent.

“We have never been in this strong a position heading into the summer season, ever,” said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Media By Numbers.

Well, at least this shitty economy is good for something. Nobody has the cash to travel or shop, so we’re all going to the movies. Although for what it costs to take a family of four to the movies these days, you can probably get a round-trip plane ticket to Hollywood on Priceline.

Beyonce brought a little Alanis flavor to the opening night of her tour in Edmonton, Canada, doing a cover of “You Oughtta Know.” (Alanis, you’ll recall, is a Canada girl, so that may have been why she chose this song.)

I hate to sound like Paula Abdul here, but she didn’t really make it her own. It played like an exact copy of Alanis’s version. Also, seriously, how 10 years ago is it to encourage the audience to sing the “fuck her” part of that song? I mean, really. Come on, B. I expect more from you.

So I’ve been listening to old England Dan songs, downing bottles of Two Buck Chuck and cruising around the internet when I came across this bullshit.  And I had to share.

Remember this dress which made Beyonce look like her jelly factory exploded?  Well, ages after the fact, her rep has released a statement because she’s under some impression we care:  “This is not a weight-gain issue.  Beyonce is in the best shape of her life. The exaggerated hips are a design element of a truly couture dress. Beyonce has always loved this dress.”  Yeah, whatever, padded hips-very attractive.

But here’s the “hold on one fucking New York minute,” part:  the rep also claims that the dress had to be taken in four inches in the waist as it was originally made for the 23-inch waisted Jerry Hall.  Now, I may have too much vino on the brain, but according to my pocket calculator, that means Beyonce has a nineteen-inch waist.

Hysterical laughing? Comments?

Beyonce was on the streets of New York this weekend filming a new video.  Incidentally, my favorite little glitterwurst looks a little dead in the eyes; corsets can do that to a woman.  It’s like her very soul is being extruded out of her via her hips.  For some unknown reason, that conjures up images of cheese in a can.

Anyway, caption this.

Beyonce Knowles has landed the much-sought-after gig of singing for Barack and Michelle Obama’s first dance on inauguration night Tuesday.

But … event organizers are keeping the song she’s singing completely secret until the actual performance.

All I have to say about this is: Was Danity Kane already booked? Because I think they should have performed “Damaged,” except instead of “heart” they would need to say “country.” And Aubrey O’Day could re-enact her Playboy shoot, and, if nothing else, it would force the nation to start fresh, at least as far as their bedsheets were concerned.

What do you guys think Beyonce will sing????

This is actually a very perfect look on her and I don’t really have anything mean to say.

Okay, that’s not entirely true: She needs to get her roots done.

Other than that, this dress highlights her perfect hourglass figure, and I’m actually thinking it would look really good on me, too. I may borrow it later on, B!