This is just the first of many, if God loves me as much as I think He does.

Barron blew a .14, which is nearly twice LA’s legal limit of .08, and allegedly hit a gas station employee with his car just before being arrested for DUI this morning.

Says Papa Hilton: “I haven’t been contacted yet by either my son or the police. If what I have heard is true, it is very disturbing and I will have a lot to say — but it will be to my son, not the media.”

Paris’s comment: “I am sad for my little brother. I hear he is doing OK. I am there for him and will be speaking to him in an hour or so, hopefully, to lend my support.”

Give the whole Hilton fortune to Nicky!

Paris Hilton’s 18-year-old brother, Barron, was pulled over at 8:30 this morning on suspicion of DUI.

He was booked at the Lost Hills sheriff station and is currently being held on $5000 bail.

Do you know how much cocaine you have to do to still be driving around drunk at 8:30 am?

Just put the whole damn family in rehab.

While Britney was in the hospital last night, Paris Hilton and her brother Barron were partying the night away at Teddy’s in Hollywood.

There were cameras somewhere other than Cedars-Sinai last night????

When Paris was grilled about Britney, she said she is “hoping she will get better, get some help and do better in 2008.”

It’s official: Paris Hilton has aged the fuck out.

You wanna know how I know this?

Her kid brother’s finally showing up on Page Six. Everyone’s ready to move on.

Barron Hilton, 16, is dating Skye Peters, also 16, the daughter of “Superman Returns” producer Jon Peters and his ex, Christine Peters. On Friday, the two holed up at the Bel Air Hotel and “something happened,” said a friend of Jon’s, as “police were called.” A rep for Jon reached the producer at his Santa Barbara ranch and told Page Six: “Jon has responded that he will be looking into the purported relationship, and why Christine is allowing their youngest daughter to spend nights out.” Jon and Christine are in a protracted legal battle, which last week resulted in her eviction from the Bel Air home the couple once shared.

Oh, man.

Messy divorce + Hilton son = FUN

I’m so excited for this new crop of fuck-up celeb kids!!!!

(Pictured above is Skye with her older sister, Caleigh, who recently dumped Sean Stewart.)

Thankfully, someone thought to mug at least one of them at knifepoint.

As if Paris and Nicky weren’t enough Hilton spawn for one planet, it turns out there are two other Hilton chidren, younger brothers Barron and Conrad, neither of whom are legally allowed to be in drinking establishments. I’ve actually been peripherally aware of the existence of these two for awhile, but, in the shadow of Paris and Nicky, it’s almost like they can’t possibly be real. Like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s older brother and younger sister; these people can’t actually exist. Until, you know, they get mugged at knifepoint.

WHILE PARIS Hilton was sneaking into prison in Los Angeles in the wee hours of Monday morning, her younger brother, Barron, was getting mugged at knifepoint near Penn Station.

Barron, who is tall and blond and believed to be 18, had shown up earlier at Stereo on West 29th Street with three male friends and two girls. “They were all underage and they hung around for a while trying to get in the club,” said an eyewitness.

“They were waiting outside Stereo. Eventually they all left together at around 4 a.m.

“An hour later, two security guards from Stereo were driving by Penn Station on their way home and they saw Barron and his friends. Then they saw two muggers confronting the group, and they all got out. One had a knife and was trying to get money out of the kids.

“One guy had Barron at knifepoint, and the guards got out and chased away the guy with the knife. The attackers didn’t get any money,” said the witness.

“Eventually Barron and his friends all piled into a cab.” The insider added that the guards recognized Barron because “he tries to get into Stereo all the time.”

Ha. Clearly he’s trying to follow in his sisters’ footsteps. I can’t wait.