“They’re going to talk about pigs, and they’re going to talk about lipstick; they’re going to talk about Paris Hilton, they’re going to talk about Britney Spears. They will try to distort my record, and they will try to undermine your trust in what the Democrats intend to do.”

Barack Obama, discussing the Republican strategy at a campaign stop in New Hampshire.

My Lord.

Now both parties have invoked the names of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in formal campaign activities.

Wow.

Senator Barack Obama was supposed to appear on SNL tonight … but he’s canceled his appearance because of the severity of Hurricane Ike.

And I wanna sit here and give Obama some shit about this, like, “What the fuck else do you have to do that night? You’re not actually the President. Are you gonna head over to Florida and pilot the rescue ‘copter?”

But then I thought about it and it probably would look awful if people’s houses were flooding down South and Barack Obama was wandering around a soundstage in Manhattan in a wig and a Speedo (I’m just guessing here) so I’m giving him a pass on this one.

My thoughts and prayers go out to those of you affected by the hurricane.

Barack Obama will be appearing on Saturday Night Live’s season premiere this weekend, alongside national hero and giant-penis-possessor Michael Phelps, who is sure to draw an audience.

If Senator Obama wears a Speedo next to Michael Phelps, he’s got my vote. That’s the kind of bravery I want to see in my President.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

BRILLIANT!

This is the kind of genius I wish I possessed. I don’t care who you’re voting for — this shit is funny.

If you want to see just the video showing on the bluescreen without the RNC stuff, it’s after the jump.

(more…)

Obama will be running with Delaware Senator Joe Biden, in order to add the whole “old white dude” touch to his campaign.

In light of Obama’s choice, John McCain has chosen P. Diddy as his running mate.

I’m totally kidding.

But how awesome would that shit be?

Oh YAY!!!!

This is TOTALLY the best part of politics.

The BITCHY ADS!!!

Love it, love it, love it.

Here an Obama ad noting that John McCain is SO OLD and SO RICH that he doesn’t even remember how many houses he owns! (The answer is seven.)

This shit is totally better than a Paris v. Nicole fight, because ads like this are really expensive and funded by some of the most powerful people in our country.

How will McCain retaliate?

BRING IT ON!

John McCain may accuse Barack Obama of being the “biggest celebrity in the world,” but perhaps that honor belongs more to Oprah Winfrey, who will be on-hand to support Obama at the Democratic National Convention in Denver later this month. But she’ll just be there as a fan.

“Oprah has not been asked to introduce him, is not expecting to be asked to introduce him and I would doubt that she would want to introduce him. She thinks this is his moment,” said Oprah’s BFF Gayle King.

Heh. Wherever Oprah goes, it’s Oprah’s moment.

I wonder if Heidi Montag will be at the Republicans’ convention.

One can only hope.

At least that’s what John McCain wants you to think, in this new campaign commercial comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

Subtle, guys. Real subtle.