Remember when Avril Lavigne was kind of popular and relevant and sober and a singer?  Well don’t feel bad because no one else does either.

I’ll tell you something, though.  She got married almost three years ago to Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley and that union has lasted almost three years longer than I ever thought it would.  This is the couple that I always think has already divorced about five times by now.  Sadly, now their marriage appears to be scotch on the rocks.  Gatecrasher tells the tale of the young lovers, their drama and Avril’s love for all things potato as long as all those potato things are brands of vodka:

Avril Lavigne can party like a rock star.

The Canadian singer was “getting bombed” at MyHouse in L.A. last weekend, says a spy. “She kept downing vodka drinks, to the point where she was obliterated. She ended up fighting with her husband (Deryck Whibley of Sum 41 fame) before ignoring him completely.”

While Whibley sat alone on the couch glumly, “­Avril talked to everyone else. When he was ready to leave, she downed two more shots of vodka before walking out the door. What a child!”

So there are all these photos today of Avril Lavigne and Deryk Whibley leaving Koi and I’m just flipping through them like, “Yeah, who cares,” but then with her there is some girl who looks vaguely familiar and I’m not sure why. The photo agency doesn’t ID her at all. So why do I know her? Did I used to party with her in LA? Did she date someone I know? I mentally flip through every reality TV show in the history of mankind and can’t place her on any of those. Who is she?

And then it hits me: That’s Britney Spears’ old assistant. Alli Sims. Who we haven’t heard from or seen in ages. Like, since the Big Britney Meltdown.

What is she doing with Avril Lavigne and her husband now?

Weird.

The rumors have started, and Canadian gossip blog IsThisHappening is reporting that Avril Lavigne is pregnant with hubby Deryck Whibley’s kiddo.

Not sure if it’s true or not, but babies will definitely be the hot new accessory for 2008.

How long until Paris Hilton jumps on board this train?

It looks like someone has attached clear wires to the corners of her mouth and pulled them up to create a smile. She doesn’t want to be there at all.

“See, when I do this thing with my hands, it means I’m hardcore. Get it? I’m a total rebel. Fighting the man, man. You can tell by my hands. You should buy my album, particularly if you’re a suburban youth who feels most comfortable railing against the prevailing, suffocating social norms by purchasing alt-pop music on iTunes and positioning your hands just so.”

At her CD release party Tuesday in NYC.

We’re Kids Incorporated, K-I-D-S! Yeah! [Buzznet]

I don’t know much about Robin Thicke, but he looks like Russell Crowe and Justin Timberlake’s secret love child, and — perhaps not surprisingly — his new music video is creating quite a bit of buzz. [Allie is Wired]

Antonella Barba in Playboy? Hef says it’s a “very real possibility.” [Rumorficial]

Jared Leto is physically injured. The celebratory potluck will be held this evening at Perez Hilton’s house. [Ninja Dude]

I swear, the only people who have any right to be hospitalized for “dehydration” live in countries where the nearest hospital is 500 miles away and is also a tent. But Nicole Richie hits up an L.A. ER with this ubiquitous A-list ailment. [dlisted]

Avril Lavigne, you are soooo badass. [The Blemish]

Victoria Beckham is chased by pot-bellied pigs. ‘Nuff said. [Agent Bedhead]

No, not the “it girl.” Just “that girl.” You know, the one who can’t walk out of the club using her own internal balancing skills, but rather must rely on those of the friends who are propping her up. Check out the video here.

What’s funniest to me is the running ‘razzi commentary. When you watch the videos of Paris or Lindsay, the photogs are always super nice: “Paris, watch out, there’s a puddle!” “Lindsay, hi, you look gorgeous, you look beautiful!” “Paris, how’s your jaw? Is your jaw okay, Paris? Your fans are so worried about you!”

With Avril, it’s just, “Come on, you drunk bitch!”

But I guess Paris has never spit on a photog.