Joel Madden and Nicole Richie appeared last night at the official launch of the Madden brother’s K-DCMA footwear line.  Nicole continues to look beautiful but I maintain my position that she’s getting scary skinny.

Also there, Benji Madden (of course!), Audrina Patridge and Tila Tequila. 

Do you think people in other countries laugh at us because Tila Tequila is considered famous here in the United States?  I knew that she liked to make out with chicks on TV but I just wiki’d her to educate myself on the back story of Tila.  Yeah, there really isn’t any.  She did release a book on December 2nd titled Hooking Up With Tila Tequila because she had so much advice to offer people.  Like, way more than could ever be typed out on a website.  “I can’t just write a blog on it, because it would be the size of a book.”  And it’s random but, a couple of years ago, she had a clothing line (!) with the slogan of “So hot you’ll just want to take it all off!”  How is it that tilafashion.com is out of business yet Lauren Conrad’s collection still limps along?

We haven’t seen her photographed at an event in nearly a month, and now Audrina Patridge just sashays down the red carpet at the Waiting in Beijing premiere like she didn’t have a shitload of plastic surgery done.

Who the fuck is this???

Did she fix her ceiling eyes? Is that even possible? What kind of surgery do you get for ceiling eyes?

And you know what? The ceiling eyes were kind of cute. I mean, we made fun of them, but it’s what made her Audrina. It’s what made her different and interesting. I’m sad that the ceiling eyes are gone. And Lord knows what else she had done. I have no idea who this person is. It doesn’t even look like Audrina. It looks like a boring person who bores me. Why do these girls do this shit?

I get this invite in my email today, and I was all prepared to hit delete, since I won’t be in LA that day (and I went to this party last year, and, while it had its moments, Les Deux is always too crowded for my tastes), when I noticed the girl on the invite. Is this supposed to be Audrina Patridge? Is this Audrina Patridge?

Wowzah.

According to Audrina Patridge, there will be a 5th season of The Hills.  I don’t know what the public has done to deserve this but apparently the four remaining fans launched an aggressive letter writing campaign and have prevailed.

Audrina was really bummed out because she wanted to do more movies.  I don’t blame her.  She’s currently filming Sorority Row which is about a bunch of college girls who kill their housemother.  And once you’ve had your hands on quality material like that, who needs a gig like The Hills?  Audrina, people can’t afford to keep their homes.  You are being paid  35k an episode to inflict your talentless self upon innocent channel surfers.  Be grateful.

Here’s Audrina Patridge, in a bikini, filming scenes for The Hills.

What’s that?

You want close-ups of her tits and stomach and bikini line so you can compare and/or masturbate to them?

In the thumbnails, kids. In the thumbnails.

While Lauren Conrad was debuting her new fashion line in LA yesterday, her frenemy Audrina Patridge was getting friendly with LC’s longtime arch-nemesis, Spencer Pratt, at the grand opening of XIV restaurant in WeHo.

Ouch!

The Hills starlet has been cast alongside fellow “actress” Rumer Willis in the upcoming slasher remake The House on Sorority Row, which sounds a lot like the plot of I Know What You Did Last Summer but probably with more nip-slips and less Jennifer Love Hewitt.

There are two very pleasant pieces of information that come along with this news:

1) The film will be shooting in Pittsburgh, PA this winter, which is far away from LA and paparazzi and maybe we won’t have to see either Audrina or Rumer for several months, which would be lovely. It also brings the possibility that Rumer’s chin will get frostbite and fall off, and maybe then I’ll be able to look at her face without getting ill.

2) It’s not like anyone’s going to see this movie anyway.