I don’t even know what to make of this. My head’s kind of exploding right now.

Paris Hilton.

David Hasselhoff.

Matthew Perry.

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge.

Rumer Willis.

Lacey Chabert.

Tila Tequila.

Lydia Hearst.

Aubrey O’Day.

Aubrey O’Day’s extensions.

Cory Kennedy. (Everyone’s favorite teenage heroin addict!)

I don’t even know which joke to make first. It’s overwhelming!!! I want to write an entire short story about this night!! Or film a season of The Surreal Life!

Were they holding an AA meeting afterwards? Are you even allowed to attend AA meetings if your last name’s Tequila? Honestly, the only thing this all-star team was missing was its group counselor.

Or did attendance count as some manner of community service?

I just don’t understand!

A couple other points:

1) Paris Hilton needs to never wear a jumpsuit like that again. In fact, the whole world needs to never wear a jumpsuit like that again. We need to start flying planes over third-world countries and dropping pamphlets with a variety of pictographic instructions informing them that no one, anywhere, ever, is to wear a jumpsuit like that ever again.

2) Rumer Willis’s hair is back to brunette. And it’s curly now. Not, like, a luxurious curl. More of an I-didn’t-realize-I-wasn’t-supposed-to -have-the-blow-dryer-in-the-bathtub curl.

Silly bitch had to go and wear underwear.

And is that Justin Bobby sitting next to her?

DUMP HIM!!!

Leaving Area last night.

Also, whoever did Audrina’s eye makeup for that night deserves a damn Oscar. They look about 100 times better than usual.

Photo credit: Buzz Foto

So some PR firm plugging The Hills Season 2 DVD sent me a bunch of these today, and I have to say, I think they’re pretty fabulous. Here’s the info from the [sic]-tastic email I got:

MTV and their ad agency BaM have created EmotiClips - a way for friends to communicate using scenes of Lauren, Heidi and the infamous Spencer.

Had a break-up recently? Want to tell your best girlfriend how much she means to you? Is someone just a ‘sucky person’ and you’ve got to get the point across? Well turn to MTV’s The Hills Emoticlips to do so. As the 2nd Season DVD of MTV’s hit show lands on shelves tomorrow (Tuesday, August 6th), make sure to send your true feelings (whatever they may be) as the star – Lauren, the party girl Audrina, the professional – Whitney, or the ever scandalous – Heidi. You’re point will definitely be made! So if you can’t live like the “Hill-arious” Ladies at least let your friends know what they mean to you in true SoCal style.

There’s a bunch more of the “EmotiClips” after the jump.

(more…)

So we’re not going to reprint any of the things that Spencer Pratt has said about Lauren Conrad recently. Not because we have standards or anything, but because I like LC and I hate Spencer and I just don’t want his nonsense on my blog. But, if you must know, you can read his recent (scathing) blog post here or listen to him and Heidi spew their anti-Lauren venom on the radio here. (By the way, all the talk of a wedding — it’s so not happening. This engagement is such a fraud. Note how whenever a question comes up about the “wedding” they give different answers. They haven’t talked about it because they know it’s not happening.) But Lauren is awesome, and she’s totally right when she says that Heidi and Spencer are famous because she made them famous, and they continue to become more famous now by bashing her. She and Audrina showed up on TRL on Monday, all smiles and looking fantastic, to promote the upcoming season of The Hills (where they have to be loving all the publicity Spencer’s been scaring up).

I’m just asking. Although Audrina Patridge is adorable per usual, outside Avalon in Hollywood last night.

Photo credit: Buzz Foto

The anti-Heidi parties it up at Hyde last night. I like Audrina; she’s cute and seems down-to-earth, and, when she’s photographed, it’s because she happens to be in the same place as the photogs, not because her boyfriend/manager called to let them know she’d be at the beach in a bikini.