Woah.

How did Mark Burnett — the producer extraordinaire behind shows like Survivor and The Apprentice — miss the memo that Audrina Patridge is hopelessly boring?

Because, according to Audrina, once The Hills wraps she’ll be working with Burnett on a new reality series about her life.

This is so bizarre to me. Burnett is usually a genius with this sort of stuff. Why on earth would he want to partner with Audrina, the most mundane, unexciting person on the planet? The only thing interesting about her were those crazy-ass ceiling eyes, and then she went and got a ton of plastic surgery that fixed them. I’m still scouring the Internet trying to figure out what the hell kind of plastic surgery procedure fixes ceiling eyes.

Are any of you actually interested in a show like this? Am I really just that out of touch with the youngsters?

Meanwhile, Audrina’s kick-starting her acting career, co-starring with Rumer Willis in the upcoming horror flick Sorority Row. Although, by the looks of the trailer, she spends most of the film dead or covered in a hood, which is probably where her acting talents best shine through.

Audrina Patridge looking like a taffeta Tootsie Roll in Las Vegas.  While we are at loving it or leaving it, any guesses on what the tensile strength is of that material?

I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’m kind of intrigued by the trailer for the new Rumer Willis/Audrina Patridge horror flick, Sorority Row. Not that Audrina’s even a half-decent actress, but it appears that she’s wearing lingerie, playing dead or covered in a hood for most of the movie, so it’s kind of an ideal role for her. I dunno. I’m not usually a horror fan, but this appeals to me. Kind of like Scream did.

Could this be a hit for Audrina and Rumer?

First Whitney, then Lauren — I guess we couldn’t expect Audrina to stick around the scene, especially now that she got all that plastic surgery and got her ceiling eyes fixed. She’s on to bigger and better things — specifically, her own spinoff with Mark Burnett Productions. Burnett’s proposed reality series will follow Audrina’s personal and professional life. The show will be pitched to networks starting next week. OMG. You just cannot make a show about Audrina. Unless you’re going to market it as a less expensive alternative to Ambien. But you better believe this shit’s gonna get picked up and watched anyway, because kids these days are just getting dumber.

Where does this leave the rest of The Hills? Tragically, the producers don’t yet seem ready to throw in the towel. They are going to beat this horse until it’s either dead or it looks enough like Sarah Jessica Parker that they can use it in the cast. “We cannot confirm a sixth season at this time,” an MTV spokesperson said. “However, ‘The Hills’ will continue as long as there are stories to tell, and as of now we don’t see an end in sight.”

Please, God, please, don’t let this mean a series dedicated to the lives of Those Whose Name We Shall Not Speak. Please. This is what the terrorists want us to do, MTV. Don’t fall for it.

Audrina Patridge wrote on her blog yesterday about how her house had been burgled:

I had a really rough day today – I got home late last night and realized that my house had been robbed. It was pretty devastating!

I spent most of the morning filling out police reports and going through the house room by room making lists of everything that had been taken. Most of the items are replaceable, but they took off with a few very sentimental things too. Definitely not a good way to start the week.

Then, today, she published surveillance video taken of the robbers, and still photos of their faces!

You can see the guy and the girl above. These do not look like your typical thugs — these are, like, rich club kids looking to fuck over Audrina. You can tell they were aware that the cameras were there, but they didn’t do a very impressive job of hiding from them.

Says Audrina:

If you have any information regarding the break-in or recognize either of these people please contact (213) 972-2971. Any tips would be most appreciated.

This is WAY TOO drama-tastic. Part of me wonders if this was all just a set-up to get Audrina back on everyone’s radar.

Word on the street is that the two are in a semi-serious relationship — although her camp denies it.

At first I was like, “What on earth could Audrina and Paris Hilton possibly have in common that he would be attracted to both?”

And then it hit me:

Wonky. Eyes.

You find Benji Madden’s heart by staring at the ceiling, ladies.

Audrina Patridge and what’s left of her face made an appearance at the KROQ Almost Acoustic Xmas show in LA this weekend.

When is someone going to comment publicly on the massive amount of plastic surgery she just had?