Is Audrina Patridge’s new blog.

Whatever CelebBuzz is paying her to do this, it is WAY too much. And whatever they’re paying her ghostwriter? Way, way, WAY too much.

Hire me instead! I can plug stupid beauty products and restaurants and actually make it interesting. Who cares about what Audrina Patridge uses for face wash? I wanna know she takes to make her eyes look so weird! I’d buy it for Halloween and totally freak everyone out!

“I think I’ve been portrayed well on the show. But it’s based on Lauren’s life, so some of the things in my life, like my friends, aren’t on the show: my personal life with my true friends and my family, me going to acting classes, shooting a movie. They filmed a little, but they can’t air everything … I don’t feel like they show me on “The Hills” sticking up for myself. They edit that out. I’m generally happy with how I look when it comes out. In real life, though, I’m bubbly and fun and talkative and when you see me on the show I’m always sitting there and sad. But I’m fine with it because it’s not my show. I’m there because of Lauren.”

Audrina Patridge, being surprisingly reasonable, in a new interview with the LA Times.

I like that at least Audrina realizes and admits that she’s where she is because of Lauren Conrad. It makes me crazy when Heidi and Spencer talk shit about LC, and it’s like: Listen, assholes, you wouldn’t be able to cut the line at a bar in fucking Burbank if it weren’t for Lauren Conrad, let alone be hosting nights at Tao and launching clothing lines. Shut. The fuck. Up.

Despite the constant rumors that they hate each other now, Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad look chummy as can be as they head into Crown Bar in LA last night.

I knew these two lovebirds would kiss and make up!

As if all the press surrounding the recent leak of her nude photo shoot weren’t enough, Audrina Patridge decided she wanted even more ink.

The Hills starlet hit up a Hollywood tattoo parlor today to get some nonsense tattooed on her arm.

Can someone please explain to me the value of getting tattoos in Chinese when you, personally, do not speak Chinese? I never understood why people do that. Why would you want something tattooed on your body that you can’t understand and that represents absolutely nothing about you? I understand doing this if you are, ya know, Chinese, or even if you speak and write the language, but what does a white girl from SoCal need fucking Chinese written on her arm for? And why Chinese, people? Because it looks flowing and mysterious? Why not, I dunno, Braille? Or Ethiopian? It’s equally relevant.

However: none of this is as bad as the guy I met in San Diego who had a Latin phrase misspelled across his chest.

Anyway, does anyone know what this actually says? And if not, can you please take some time out of your day to say a little prayer that it actually means something related to performing fellatio on a barn animal? Because nothing would please me more.

Audrina Patridge reminds us all that she does, occasionally, wear clothes, at The Hills Season 3 premiere party in NYC.

And if you, like me, are living at your father’s house where there’s no television, remember that you can watch the entire new episode of The Hills on their website, here. It’s a great way to spend the workday!

I’d link you guys to Tyler Durden to view them, but that site’s been down all day. Gee, I wonder why.

And you have a God-given right to see the photos of Audrina Patridge naked. She sent these to Playboy when she was 19. They weren’t run. Playboy sent her a letter that read “It’s not that your body’s not hot. It’s that your eyes are weird.”

I’m kidding.

She released the following statement:

“I took these photos years ago when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I was young and very trusting of others and I didn’t know to protect myself. It is a lesson learned, for myself, and hopefully for the young girls who look up to me.”

What’s interesting to me is that these younger girls are willing to own up to it and apologize when their bare naked tits hit the web, but the older folks (Kristin Davis, anyone?) are all deny, deny, deny.

Anyway, after the jump, the naked photos of Audrina Patridge from her Playboy submission. I’ll be getting the cease and desist in T minus two hours, so save them to your computer while you can.

Update: Images removed upon request.

This is what we have to look forward to as the writers’ strike continues.

From Life & Style magazine, on newsstands now.