The newest in the series of slutty women eating a Carl’s Jr. burger commercials features Audrina Patridge.  Please enjoy these now, because I strongly suspect that they’ll be her last acting jobs.  Ever.  I pray.

Poor Lady Gaga’s chest exploded whilst performing at the 20th Annual MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto, Canada.

Also there was Audrina Patridge in a cheap and ill-fitting dress, my fiance Bradley Cooper and the pure Jonas Brothers.  Oh, and I’m totally willing to support Kelly Clarkson in this whole body-acceptance thing she’s got going on, but there must be compromise.  No.  More.  Scarf.  Tops.

Rumer Willis appeared with her chin and Tila Tequila was positively stumped over the one-button operation of the Flip Mino HD camera.

Finally, in an admirable effort of frugality, Kim Kardashian fashioned her dress out of one of the extra costumes used by Fergie’s backup dancers.

This will make a lot of people happy– a few editors on this site in particular: James T. Kirk and The Artist Formerly Known as Ol’ Dead Eye are history.

A source is quoted as saying “Chris Pine was forced to dump Audrina because his camp wants him to take the right strategic steps to become a big movie star. Dating a reality show star would tarnish his image.”

The couple had only been together for a few weeks and probably weren’t all that serious, but Pine’s people reportedly became concerned because the “media” was so interested in the pairing.

Don’t get me wrong. I agree that Pine could do much better and I’m glad those two have split like Lindsay Lohan’s Labia. I just think it’s a little strange, and, dare I say douchey to date or not date someone based on what your agent and PR people tell you.

THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW YOU HAVE MADE IT.

The Artist Formerly Known as Ceiling Eyes is officially BIG TIME. She is doing something Paris Hilton did years ago — roll around in a bikini with a burger for Carl’s Jr.

Audrina stars in an upcoming television spot wearing nothing but a gold bikini while chowing down on the new Teriyaki Six Dollar Burger.

“I had an absolute blast shooting,” she said. “It was my first experience shooting a spot with food, and when I pulled up, I was literally salivating looking at all the rows and rows of perfect burgers waiting for me!”

Carl’s Jr needs to come up with some new ideas. Why don’t we lather Audrina in teriyaki sauce and raw beef and then throw her into a pit of wild pigs? It’s just a thought.

Chris Pine, I have just three letters for you: WTF? You’re killin’ me here, dude. Sources are confirming that my Star Trek hottie and The Artist Formerly Known as Ceiling Eyes are, in fact, bumping uglies. Actually, that’s a misstatement. They are bumping a sexy-part into an ugly.

“Chris and his girlfriend broke up in March, and he is definitely single,” an insider reveals to In Touch. “They went out, and Audrina is into him.” On May 2, a few weeks before being caught at the Red Lion with friends, the reality star, 24, and the Star Trek hottie, 28, kept a low profile, but left his building early in the morning — just a few minutes apart. And though they are being secretive about a relationship, the two first met at Tao in Las Vegas at ShoWest. “They both got awards and were at a dinner with friends. They said a quick hello,” the insider says. “That’s where they met. Chris was looking at Audrina a lot, and you could tell that he thought she looked pretty — he was intrigued.” Audrina left Chris’ apartment building on May 2, just 10 minutes before he left to board a flight.

Sigh. Chris. You were totally on the list to be my Next Big Crush after Adam Lambert wins Idol tomorrow and that whole thing dies down. You have everything it takes: Looks, talent, money … Yeah, that’s about all it takes. But if you’re going to be out there rewarding Audrina for whatever it is she’s done to her face, I want no part of this. I will find another boy-crush, I’m sure. There are many attractive men out in Hollywood just waiting to be blog-stalked by me. Consider this me blog-dumping you.

Suggestions for my new crush?

The Hills’ Audrina Patridge is the face, or toned abdomen, of the newest PETA Be an Angel For Animals-Always Adopt, Never Buy print campaign.  She’s released a statement through the organization that reads:  “Each year, 6 to 8 million unwanted dogs and cats are turned in to shelters, and half are killed because there aren’t enough good homes. The solution is as easy as ABC – animal birth control. Always spay and neuter, and never buy from a pet store or a breeder.”

So while you’re feeling bad about yourself for plunking down your Amex in the name of being the proud new owner of some designerpup, riddle me this:  Does Audrina Patridge look completely different?  Can you move eyeball position with Photoshop?  What is going on and why doesn’t Audrina look at ceilings anymore?

Impressing even the most critical of cynics, Audrina Patridge is actually breaking into acting. That should go in quotes. She’s breaking into “acting.” Ceiling-eyed Audrina and her tattooed sister, Casey, hit the red carpet for the release of her straight-to-DVD flick, Into the Blue 2: More Bikinis. (The actual subtitle is The Reef, but you know this shit is just getting promoted as Audrina Patridge wearing next to nothing.)

Also there: Holly Madison, who really ought to avoid any future red-carpet events where she’ll be billed lower than Audrina Patridge, and cutie pie Chris Carmack.