Ashton Kutcher was spotted in NYC with his wife, the elderly Demi Moore.

He’s in New York filming What Happens in Vegas…, co-starring Cameron Diaz (who seems to be set on dating the entirety of New York City while she’s in town).

Check out the ouchie on the right-hand side of Ashton’s forehead. Is that makeup for the shoot or did he hurt himself??

Am I the only one that notices Ashton has a HUGE package?

The happy (and maybe preggers??) Ashton-Demi couple made an appearance at Mentor LA’s Promise gala honoring Tom Cruise. I think Demi Moore looks absolutely stunning for a woman her age, but if you look closely at her legs in the hi-def versions of these pics, she definitely is getting old-lady knees. That makes me happy because it means I still have something on Demi Moore, and it also makes me sad because it is proof that, no matter how much time, money and effort you put into it, you can’t totally pass for 20’s when you’re in your 40’s. Heh. Well, I still have fifteen years or so for plastic surgery to improve. It is nice that Mentor LA is “a nonprofit organization dedicated to revitalizing the schools and neighborhoods of some of the most disenfranchised communities in Los Angeles,” but maybe we need to be investing our time and energy in things that will allow me to have hot kneecaps when I’m 40.

Also, just to be a bitch, it’s nice that these people can piggyback off Tom Cruise’s fame in order to try to do something good for the world, but I can’t really figure out just what Tom did for these people. Their website briefly calls him their “supporter,” and talks a little about how much his movies make, but I get the sense this is more like “We want to thank Tom Cruise for lending us his name and face so that everyone will write about our event,” than “We want to thank Tom Cruise for his generous donations and his vocal support for the fact that real problems require real solutions, not horror stories about aliens and a backlash against the science of psychiatry.” But whatevs. Among the gala’s chairs were Ron Meyer (that’s the daddy of Spiderman’s baby mama, Jennifer Meyer), Terry Semel (the Yahoo guy and dad of Courtenay Semel, Paris Hilton wannabe and world-class but-her-face), and Paula Wagner, Cruise’s producing partner.

It’s not out of the question says Demi.

“Once you hit three, where you’re outnumbered, it’s really, like, ‘What’s the difference between (three or) four or five?,”‘ she said.

Hmm, I guess there is no difference at all if you are super rich.

In some ways though I find this story heartening, at least until it comes out that Ashton cheated with Tara Reid or something, then I’ll be freshly jaded.

Also, that hat is stupid.

It’s not out of the question says Demi.

“Once you hit three, where you’re outnumbered, it’s really, like, ‘What’s the difference between (three or) four or five?,”‘ she said.

Hmm, I guess there is no difference at all if you are super rich.

In some ways though I find this story heartening, at least until it comes out that Ashton cheated with Tara Reid or something, then I’ll be freshly jaded.

Also, that hat is stupid.

Okay, after Sir George (and really, let’s just Knight him already) here is the rest of the list from People:

2. Patrick Dempsey
3. Ashton Kutcher
4. Taye Diggs
5. Johnny Depp
6. Josh Duhamel
7. Enrique Murciano
8. Leonardo DiCaprio
9. John Krasinski
10. Jake Gyllenhaal

Both good and horrible choices here. Also EvilT, EvilB, why no chiming in on this? Must I be the only grader of manflesh?

Anyway, Ashton Kutcher at #3 is preposterous. My cat exudes more sex appeal and I don’t even own a cat. I love Johnny Depp and his disaffected hair so I salute that one; I only wish us thick hair guys could compete with our giant bushels of Afro.

Leonardo DiCaprio? Really? Well, if you like your men waiflike and flaxen like back in the days of rampant tuberculosis I guess I could see that.

The #9 choice, John Krasinski, is actually really solid. When I saw the name I didn’t know who the hell it was but it turns out he’s the guy from The Office (but not Steve Carell). I think I would date him, and he’s about to become a giant movie star as evidenced by his smaller roles in two very “buzzy” films, For Your Consideration and Dreamgirls.

Enrique Murciano is the guy from Without a Trace. It seems to be a TV show of some kind. I wouldn’t know him if he physically assaulted me and left a card that said “I’m Enrique Murciano.”

Josh Duhamel is very close to not being worth even talking about. He was decent enough in the show Las Vegas but this is more a case of People Magazine star building than calling it like it is. Plus if you knew everyone on the list you wouldn’t bother purchasing it which would make Mr. People Magazine Jr. very sad.

My final complaint is Patrick Dempsey. I haven’t met a woman yet who doesn’t swoon for him but I can’t for the life of me see it. He disappeared for like a decade! Was he being sexy when he was passing out resumes? Let’s call his sexy quotient what it is, a flash in the pan cheap kind of sexy that makes all of us feel a little dirtier. Wait, I just read that back and maybe that’s what sexy truly is.

Crap. I hate you Patrick Dempsey. Call me.