Angelina Jolie’s mother passed away. [MollyGood]

Mariah Carey does Playboy. This is exactly what you wanted … in 1996. [DListed]

Matt Dillon doesn’t like Marilyn Manson because Manson once cut his pubes with scissors he’d borrowed from Dillon. It’s always something. [Agent Bedhead]

Mary-Kate isn’t anorexic, people, she’s blonde. [Celebslam]

Disney theme parks make their way into the gossip blogosphere for the first time since Lohan got trashed at Disneyland in July, with a series of Disney-themed ads featuring Beyonce, Scarlett and David Beckham. Lindsay is conspicuously absent, although she’s been photographed plenty coming to and from her own Wonderland. [popbytes]

After dropping the f-bomb on national television, Vanessa Minnillo spends the next few hours getting utterly wasted and attempting to flash New York City. [Mollygood]

It’s been months (and about 20 pounds) since we’ve had a Lindsay-Lohan-in-bikini photo set. [Cele|bitchy]

Paris Hilton graces the folks at Pure with an impromptu performance of “Stars Are Blind.” Not blind enough, figures the audience, and someone pelts her in the eye with ice. [Yeeeah!]

There are three young women at a house party. One is passed out. Another is flashing her breast. And the last is biting the inner thigh of the one who’s half-naked. Guess which one is Mary-Kate Olsen. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Pam Anderson drunk-ass wasted in Vegas on New Years. [Celebrity Smack, more, even more]

Jessica Alba in a bikini. You’re welcome. [IBBB]

Lindsay Lohan and Wilmer Valderrama make nice. [Celebslam]

That elusive Ashlee Simpson nip slip has arrived. [The Blemish]

Britney can’t figure out how to get her car to start and has to ask the paparazzi for help. [X17]

Mary-Kate Olsen’s body is now so malnourished it is unable to sustain the pigmentation in her hair. [Perez Hilton]

Matt Damon thinks the Bush twins ought to serve in Iraq. He and fellow four-star general Robert DeNiro were discussing the war for a segment of Hardball. [Glitterati]

Congratulations to Jillian Barberie! The Good Day LA host is expecting a baby. [Tabloid Whore]

Where has Jennifer Lopez been the past year? Well, aside from her inexplicable attendance at Tom Cruise’s wedding, she’s also been working on a Spanish-language album to be released early next year. Check out a sneak peak of the first single, “Que Hiciste.” [Just Jared]

Music producer J.R. Rotem, 31, fresh off his fling with Britney Spears, shows up at Koi holding hands with Hayden Panettiere, 17. [Dirty Laundry]

Mary Kate and Ashley appear on The Today Show to give their first interview in two and a half years. They both appear sober and talk mostly about their careers. Yawn. [MollyGood]

Tom Cruise wore a girdle under his tux at his own wedding. Is this some wacky Scientology tradition? Nope. He just wouldn’t fit in his Armani suit otherwise. [Spank Cheeks]

Rachel Bilson accomplishes the previously unheard-of feat of simultaneously being adorable and at Hyde. [Yeeeah!]

Oh please, please, let there be a Jessica Simpson sex tape. [Egotastic]

“This Scarf is Heavy,” by Paris Hilton. [The Gilded Moose]

I am going to mention Hansen without mentioning “Horseface,” just this once, because they’re being nice to Africa. [Agent Bedhead]

Nicole Richie does her best Hamburgler. [Dirty Laundry]

Oh Miss Mary Kate. I understand that you are still trying to rock the “Boho” or “Homeless-Chic” look. The only problem is is that it has gotten out of control. Perhaps I could forgive the fact that you haven’t brushed or washed your hair in a few days. Perhaps I could forgive the whole plaid situation. The issue I have to take with your outfit is YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE NOT WEARING PANTS. Honey, if you wear leggings, be sure you are covering up your lady parts. Or wear leggings that are a little more opaque. She totally is in need of a makeover. Where are Cher and Dionne when you need them?

• Is Natalie Portman dating British billionaire Nat Rotschild? Say it ain’t so!
• Mary-Kate Olsen is totally her new boyfriend’s Mini Me.
• While taping Oprah on Wednesday, Jennfer Aniston claims she and Vince Vaughn have not broken up, but also notes that they’re not engaged. Um, did anyone mention to Ms. Aniston that there are pictures of the man she’s not broken up with making out with a woman who’s not her floating all over the Internet?
• I’d be excited to run into Counting Crows’ Adam Duritz pretty much anywhere, with the exception being on my boyfriend’s back. (In tattoo form.)
• I haven’t written much (read: anything) about the YouTube channel Diddy started with Burger King; while I consider myself Web 2.0-savvy, I have to admit, I just don’t understand how it could possibly work. I feel a little better about that, now, because neither does most of the country.
• Premiere Magazine lists The 50 Biggest Hollywood Disasters, for your trainwreck-viewing pleasure.