Because that is what I do these days. I don’t even understand this quote Stephen gave to Nylon magazine, but I love it:

The thing about vampirism is that it taps into a female point of view – you have an old-fashioned gentleman with manners who is a fucking killer… it’s an interesting duality, because in our present society it would be an odd thing for a woman to say, ‘I want my man to be physical with me.’ How, as a modern man, can you fucking work that? It’s one thing to be polite and gentle… But when do you know it’s OK to crawl out of the mud and rape her [as Bill does in one scene]?… It’s difficult stuff for a bloke, but a vampire gets away with it…. I think that’s the attraction of the show – it’s looking back at a romantic time when men were men, but they were still charming.

SERIOUSLY, ladies? How do you subtly give your man the idea that it’s okay for him to crawl out of the mud and rape you? WHAT IS THE SAFE WORD THERE?

Hey do you guys remember that SNL sketch where it was a swingers party and they all wanted to try rough sex but they spent the entire party trying to come up with the perfect safe word? That was pretty fucking hilarious.

Anyway, I’d just be all like, “Baby, I want you to be rough with me tonight. Start out under some mud, see where it takes you.”

Okay, okay, I guess his real name’s Stephen Moyers, but he’s the fanged hottie-pants who plays Sookie Stackhouse’s true love on True Blood. (Which desperately needs to start releasing its season two episodes on iTunes, because I’m almost out of West Wing episodes.) He and Anna Paquin are engaged in real life now. Their reps confirmed the news.

The couple initially started dating after meeting at auditions for the show, but they kept their relationship a secret until this past February because they didn’t want the rest of the cast and crew to feel uncomfortable about it.

“It’s just exciting, and that was there from day one,” Moyer has said. “We always take the piss out of each other and are silly with each other, and it is great. We’re very, very happy. She’s the best.”

Awww, yay for Anna and Stephen! I’m so delighted about this.

In case you haven’t caught me twittering about it recently, I’ve recently become obsessed with HBO’s True Blood, starring the immensely talented and adorable Anna Paquin. I just can’t get enough of it — it’s very creative and compelling and, well, addictive.

I was surprised a few weeks ago to hear that Anna Paquin is in a real-life romance with co-star Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill, her sexy vampire love). But I was even more surprised today to learn that Stephen left his girlfriend of seven years — and their young daughter — to take up with Anna. Stephen’s previous girlfriend was a British journalist by the name of Lorien Haynes, who just gave an exclusive about the break-up to Star magazine.

BUT WAIT! IT GETS WEIRDER!

British rag The Daily News just did a full profile piece on Anna, where the interviewer met her for lunch in LA and everything, and they chatted about Anna’s uber-successful career and the new love of her life:

Sexual chemistry is arguably what has made True Blood such a success. Anna’s Sookie falls for Bill Compton, a vampire whose thoughts she cannot read, played by British actor Stephen Moyer (Ny-Lon, Lilies, Quills). While filming the first series, Anna and Stephen developed a real-life relationship, which they tried to keep quiet. When they eventually went public it was, says Anna, ‘the worst kept secret on the planet’.

These days they are often snapped by tabloids doing entirely low-key couple things such as shopping at Whole Foods and swinging on the monkey rings in Santa Monica. They appear very together, very much in love. Anna is also a firm fixture in the lives of Steve’s two children, Billy, nine, and Lilac, seven. …

As to whether she and Stephen are thinking of having a child of their own, she can’t say. ‘I don’t know how they’d resolve me and my short shorts on the show with a baby bump! So there are a few “not untils” on that one. At some point, when that convenient time, which never exists for actresses, comes – somewhere between now and menopause – I will. I have time.’

So here’s where it all explodes in my head: The woman who wrote the Daily News piece, the woman who sat down with Anna Paquin and asked her to dish about her love life, who talked about her role in Stephen’s children’s life and asked her whether she was going to have kids with him, is Lorien Hayes. She’s the woman Stephen left for Anna. Did Anna know this when she did the interview? The paper certainly didn’t run a disclaimer along with the article. This is like Bridget Moynahan sitting down with Gisele Bundchen and being like, “I’m going to write an article about what a great model you are and how fantastic it is that you’re frequently photographed with my child.”

Ummmmm, WHAT?

I need more info here! Specifically, I really want to know if Anna knew who she was talking to. She must have, right? Why have this woman do this interview? Why would the Daily News not disclose this little fact?

Strange, strange strangeness.

Looooove the hair and makeup, but the dress is a bad call on her body. It makes her breasts look small and her hips look wide.