I just finished watching two press conferences which I’m pretty sure had something to do with this whole Anna Nicole thing. As I understand it here’s where we stand:

Three jurisdictions are now involved. The request for Anna’s DNA was requested in California and has been denied (at least for now). Florida is where the autopsy is being held and they have taken control of Anna’s body until at least February 20th. The Bahamas are where little Dannielynn resides. So then, according to the California law they point to The Bahamas as the place the DNA injunction should have been filed.

Mr. Birkhead’s lawyer said she didn’t know if he was headed to the Bahamas as things are “up in the air.” Well, I can tell you if he IS headed there it’s probably going to be to get some sun because at this point he’s no more the father of that child than I am (and I’m not).

I’m not even sure why that’s a story. But CNN was also nice enough to quantify them for us, “large amounts” were found. So you know, a couple hundred pounds of valium or so I’d guess.

They are also reporting that the Nurse of Anna Nicole found her not breathing but called the lawyer-dad Howard K. first and waited “a while” before calling 911. I would guess that’s because when she went to nursing school they told her helping that the patient came right after paying allegiance to the dark side.

Something tells me this will be getting worse and worse. That something is my brain.

I suppose it had to end like this. The soap opera of Anna Nicole Smith’s life came to a sudden finale on Thursday afternoon in a Hollywood, Florida hotel room. Smith had been in the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino since Monday, leaving five-month-old daughter Dannielynn behind in the Bahamas with a close friend. Anna’s unconscious body was discovered by her private nurse on Thursday afternoon. Her bodyguard and local paramedics attempted CPR, and she was rushed to the hospital, but she died before she arrived. Her body was covered by the time the ambulance arrived at the ER.

The autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow. One of Anna Nicole’s lawyers states that she had not “been well the past few days, she’s had cold and flu symptoms.” Which is, as I recall, what they said about her son in the days before his sudden death last September (Daniel Smith died of a drug overdose). I suppose we’ll have more details by tomorrow, and hopefully now this mystery will unfold over time. Anna had always idolized Marilyn Monroe, who died of a barbiturate overdose at the age of 36, and her death was ruled a probable suicide. Anna was 39.

It is this blogger’s opinion that we’ll learn Anna met the same fate as Marilyn (and, incidentally, as her son). Whether the death was accidental or a suicide may never be known, but my guess is she had some idea what she was getting herself into as she was taking the pills, and probably had more than one thought of Marilyn. Following Anna’s recent life, for me as a gossip blogger, has been exhausting, confusing, maddening, depressing and overwhelming, so I can only imagine what she went through actually living it. While her death means the exact opposite for members of the media, at least Anna Nicole will have some peace now. This is probably what she wanted — to die young, beautiful and shrouded in mystery, just like her idol.

As with the death of Marilyn, Anna’s death has already prompted a string of conspiracy theories (although Anna’s don’t yet involve a U.S. President). With Anna and her son Daniel dead, who stands to inherit the gazillions of dollars Anna’s been trying to get from her late husband? Her lawyer and boyfriend, Howard K. Stern, has spent the better part of his legal career fighting for that money. Anna’s mother told Nancy Grace on CNN in October: “If Howard Stern marries her and she ends up dead, then who does the money go [to]? Danny’s not there.” Well, I’m not a lawyer, but doesn’t she still have that daughter of dubious paternity and name-spelling, Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern? Regardless, it hasn’t stopped folks from speculating that Howard K. Stern was maliciously involved somehow. Personally, I doubt this, but feel free to run with it (you know Law & Order will). While Stern is currently the legal guardian of the child, Larry Birkhead (who has been claiming since Dannielynn’s birth that he is the father), and every U.S. camera crew not yet dispatched to Florida, will be at an L.A. court tomorrow for an emergency hearing on the paternity testing. No word yet on whether Howard K. Stern will be present — no one’s can seem to pin down his exact whereabouts.

We’ll keep you posted on the details of this tragic story as they unfold.

CNN is reporting Anna Nicole collapsed in a hotel room and died shortly thereafter.

**I’ll be updating as events warrant**

-Autopsy scheduled for tomorrow down in beautiful South Florida.

-Anna Nicole was dead before she reached the hospital, bodyguard attempted CPR in hotel room.

-Emergency filing re: custody of six month old daughter by Larry Birkhead. He is demanding DNA test, as he believes Anna’s husband Howard K. Stern is not the father of the child.

-Anna Nicole’s room being searched for drugs, this could affect insurance claims.

-Larry King “She wasn’t the smartest person in the world… but she was savvy.”

Well, the hubbub seems to be dying down, CNN has returned to regular programming. Thankfully both Larry King and vampire Nancy Grace will both be dedicating full hours to this story this evening.