The National Enquirer thinks Anna Nicole’s underlying cause of death was pneumonia. And if it ran in the National Enquirer, it must be true. [Celebslam]

I knew this world was missing something. I thought it was, like, a cure for AIDS and cancer, or peace, or even potable water, but it turns out it was just a hip-shakin’ Beyonce/Shakira duet. Phew. [POTP]

Oh hells yes. A new Star Trek movie in the works! [Pajiba]

Carmen Electra’s next big career move is as a magician’s assistant in Las Vegas, where maybe she can make another marriage disappear. [popbytes]

Katherine Heigl isn’t leaving Grey’s Anatomy anytime soon, although they do hate her quite a bit around there. [ICYDK]

Jennifer Love Hewitt has very lovely breasts. [Egotastic]

Prince Harry has officially been deployed to Iraq, where his Nazi garb should go over particularly well. [A Socialite's Life]

Rumor has it Jennifer Lopez will be performing on American Idol in April. [IBBB]

Wow, even a wax version of Rachael Ray annoys me. [Agent Bedhead]

Nick Cannon marries a Victoria’s Secret model he started dating three weeks ago. In Vegas. Oh, like you wouldn’t. [Cele|bitchy]

The Britney “Shears” Photoshop contest. Seriously, some goddamn genius made a Smashing Pumpkins call. A must-see. [Stereogum]

That bothersome buzzing noise coming from the outer edges of the blogosphere is Kim Kardashian, still fucking talking about a sex tape that has nothing to do with Britney Spears or Anna Nicole. [Warship]

The video of the Judge Seidlin Show pilot Anna Nicole Smith verdict. [Ninja Dude]

Larry Birkhead claims that Anna Nicole miscarried a child by him in 2005. Additionally, he asserts that Princess Di used to send him naked pictures of herself, that Dana Plato planned to tattoo his face on her ass, and that there is an invisible purple elephant doing the Macarena in the middle of the room right now. Go ahead, prove him wrong. [INO]

Man this judge is a jackass. What a blow-hard.

A bunch of stuff was denied. I don’t understand the legalese.

Jesus, this judge looks like he’s trying not to cry. What a tool. What the fuck is going on here? Holy shit the judge is crying.

They awarded the remains to the lawyer representing Dannielynn. He asks that this lawyer consult with all involved parties in making a decision.

Howard Stern’s head is on the table. Virgie Arthur is crying.

“I want her buried,” says the judge, “with her son. In the Bahamas. I want them to be together.” But he’s leaving that decision up to Dannielynn’s lawyer, who I assume will agree to have her buried in the Bahamas.

Howard K. Stern is sobbing audibly. His freakin’ lawyer is crying. Everybody is crying. Except Larry Birkhead. He’s not crying.

“And I hope to God,” says the judge, “You guys give the kid the right shot.” He’s still crying. This is the strangest damn thing I have ever seen.

The lawyers ask for a bunch of stuff I don’t understand, then ask for use of the chambers for the rest of the afternoon. The judge says sure in the most long-winded, blow-hardy way. They want the courtroom sealed for their discussions. No cameras. Judge says sure.

Court adjourned.