Angelina’s busy filming Wanted in Chicago, but that hasn’t stopped her from getting in some quality time with the kiddos. Angie took little Zahara to Timeless Toys in The Windy City on Thursday.

According to Us Weekly (which, to be fair, kind of hates Angelina Jolie because she gives all her exclusives to People), Angelina’s really upset that A Mighty Heart didn’t do as well as she thought it would. The film has brought in a measly $9M at the box office, which is, like, even worse than a Lindsay Lohan flick.

“She poured her heart into the story and can’t believe people don’t understand how important it is,” says an inside source.

To get away from it all, Jolie and her family have retreated to a $13,818-a-week rental manor in France. Rough life.

Now to get on my soapbox for a minute: I don’t understand why people are making these movies. I don’t understand A Mighty Heart. I don’t understand United 93. And I don’t understand World Trade Center. I don’t understand why anyone would want to go see these movies or why the studios think they do. Yes, they are important stories. I know how important these stories are because they happened less than six years ago and I lived through them actually happening. I don’t need to pay $10 at a movie theater to be reminded of just how fucking depressed I was about all this shit the first time it happened. Which was, you know, six fucking years ago. I remember, trust me. If I’m paying to see a movie, it’s because I want to be removed from my reality. Americans see movies to escape. You don’t necessarily have to make me laugh, but do something that takes me away from the world in which I currently live. Don’t bombard me with the most devastatingly tragic aspects of my current existence. If that’s what I wanted, I’d go see a fucking therapist. Sheesh.

Well, if anyone should be shooting up heroin, it’s probably Angelina Jolie, because Lord knows she has thick enough veins. The Skid Row crew is super jealous.

Anyway, we’ve heard talk over the past few months of Angie’s rapid weight loss and her atypically rude behavior toward reporters, but people have seemed generally to attribute it to the stress of coping with her mother’s death. Now, Ted Casablancas tells a different story in this thinly veiled blind item:

Some people love Fake-à-la Ferocity…the rest live to hate her. This do-it-all diva, known to dabble in everything from fab sex to fabber shoes, has her hand in purty much everything these days. Endorsements. Charitable endeavors. Entertainment projects. You name it. And all the wowin’ while, Fake-à-la manages to look super-duper delish in the process. Well, she used to, at least.

Lately, F2’s once enviable bod has changed for the worse. And her hunky man isn’t the only person concerned about the once divinely gifted babe. Nope, now a very few inside Industry types are also concerned ’bout our gal Fakey.

See, F.F. has enjoyed a fairly good reputation in the media and rags…until recently. She’s known for being accessible, candid and honest. How very friggin’ heretical here in lip-cemented T-town!

Apparently, Ms. Ef’s hiding one helluva secret. And I’m the bitch to fill ya in on what, exactly, it is that has those select few Hollywood movers ‘n’ shakers so shaking in their Prada wear, regarding Fakey. She’s got what’s known as…a heroin habit.

Well, she’s hardly the first dame in this drug-infested enclave to fall down that slippery alley, right? It’s just, uh, so damn rich to find this out, knowing how utterly benevolent our do-goodin’ broad happens to be as of late.

Gosh, wonder how long before everyone finds out what’s really behind Fake-à-la’s rapidly withering figure? It’ll be “Paris who?” should that happen, trust.

Could it be true? Angelina Jolie on heroin? I don’t know if I buy this, but far be it from me to argue with Ted Casablancas …

With all due respect to the other babies: you lose. Shiloh is the cutest baby ever.

In NYC with Mommy and Maddox on Saturday.

The Super-Mom turns 31 32 today! [Thanks to all the commenters who pointed this out, and no thanks at all to Wikipedia for lying to me.]

To celebrate, she’s talking to Marie Claire about how hard it is to find time to have sex with Brad Pitt while they’re raising four children together.

“Mommy and Daddy need to try to figure out more time right now.” Juggling her clan is not easy, she confides to the magazine. “Everybody needs individual time. Shiloh has our attention when the others are at school. Mad [her son Maddox] stays up the latest, so he gets the nighttime. During the day, I’ll go for a walk or do something specific with Pax or Z [Zahara] . . . We’re working on it; we’re working on it. Right now, we’re not great about Mommy-and-Daddy time.”

Happy birthday, Angie!

Have you ever wanted to go inside Shiloh’s world? Well now you can. Because US Weekly has that story covered. That’s a cute kid, and I’m pretty sure her eyes would be called “piercing” although that could be CGI.

Now, I don’t know what the story will be about, but I can only assume it will be something like what milk tastes like and how silly adults can be.

The less cute, and more alarming news, is that Brittany Murphy seems to be married to a con man. I hope someone alerts her.

The always loquacious Angelina Jolie sat down with Reader’s Digest for a face-to-face. As in any real Jolie interview, it’s almost impossible to select a few choice quotes — they’re all great. You can read the full interview here, but here are some highlights.

On whether her pregnancy with Shiloh was intentional:

It was. Before I met Brad, I always said I was happy never to have a child biologically. He told me he hadn’t given up that thought. Then, a few months after Z came home, I saw Brad with her and Mad, and I realized how much he loved them, that a biological child would not in any way be a threat. So I said, “I want to try.”

On Pax:

Pax is almost three and a half and has never made a real decision for himself because everybody does everything in a group in the orphanage. There were all these things he’d never had. The first time I gave him a bath, he was suddenly laughing, out of his mind. He took five baths in one day. We’d be talking and he’d take his clothes off and run into the bathroom.



The first two days, he cried a lot. I hired a translator, and he would explain what was going on. The first night, I slept alone with him. I was expecting him to wake up and scream, but he woke and just stared at me. I handed him a stuffed animal, and we walked around the room pointing at things. By day three, he didn’t want me to put him down. I think he got used to the reality that somebody loves you and that’s what a mommy is.

Rest of the highlights are after the jump.

(more…)

It’s official. The Mama Jolie roller coast has reached its pinnacle and now it must swoop down into darkness. Why says so? Why US Weekly does! Page Six (ty nine) says:

Sources say Us Weekly, Star and other celebrity weeklies are so fed up with getting scooped by People, they’ve turned on Jolie and Brad Pitt with a vengeance.

I agree. Fuck People Mag right in their ear. If I ever see one of those bastards on the street I will be on them like a hurricane of nails and teeth. And elbows. Anywhoo, all of this comes on the fall-out from the notion that Jolie might adopt another kid, this time from Chad. Here’s why:

Jolie herself recently said, “Should you balance the races, so there’s another African person in the house for Zahara, after another Asian person in the house for Mad? We think so.”

Umm… what? No seriously, what does that even mean? Are all African people like each other, and thus relate better to other people who look like them? To me this flies in the face of everything Jolie was trying to do, if Asians now need be purchased in pairs it sort of defeats this whole “one world” theme she’s jockeying for.

I rarely go after Jolie, but that’s a dumb quote. I hope someone made that up.