The first trailer is out for Salt starring Angelina Jolie.  This movie looks pretty entertaining if you’re into the CIA agent accused of being a spy type of plot.  It’s so tempting to say that Salt is a movie that’s peppered with action.  So.  Tempting.

I think the tentative release date for this flick is July 23, 2010 which makes you wonder:  How good can a movie be if the marketing blitz for a 2010 mid-summer release begins before Thanksgiving of the previous year?  Angie better hope that reptile jewelry line takes off!

A publicist from Women’s Wear Daily sent me a very serious and earnest email today alerting me to the new Asprey jewelry collection with pieces that are designed by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.  All the pieces, including a baby spoon that costs $525, have a snake motif.

And I’m sitting here in my living room looking at the pictures of this hellacious, hideous collection and all I can think is this:  ”The people at Asprey – one of the most world-renowned purveyors of fine jewelry – really thought it would be a good idea for the two most infamous cheaters to hook up on a movie set and ditch their spouses since Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton (ironically, against the backdrop of Cleopatra … asp anyone?), to design a line of jewelry centered around snakes?  Snakes?  Snakes.

Ever since Jon Voight went on Access Hollywood back in 2001 and made a tearful plea for his daughter, Angelina Jolie, to get help for her “serious mental problems”, the two have been out of contact. Obviously feeling betrayed, Angelina cut her father out of her life all together and dismissed his claims by saying that he was the one who needed help. Basically, they were the original Michael and Lindsay Lohan.

Jon has made many public statements about how horrible the estrangement from his daughter has been, but Angelina maintained that it was in the best interest of her and her children to continue to stay cut off. According to Jon, she finally has changed her stance.

“We’re in touch, but not regularly.  We love each other and that’s the most important thing,” he said in a recent statement. He also claimed that Angelina was the first one to reach out and that, although they don’t speak often, they both know that maintaining a relationship is important. “Angie made the initial contact.  Brad [Pitt] has been supportive- a key factor in her reaching out.”

I’m thinking that Jon is just looking for some press and that Angelina is more than busy with her family and career. Whenever Jon gets press these days, it’s because he’s speaking out about his daughter in the press, something that I’m sure will continue to keep the two of them apart. Given the nature of their estrangement, I’m sure that every time he mentions her name, he decreases the odds of those phone calls ever becoming regular.

Brad Pitt and Angelina appeared in love and very much together last night, at yet another premier of Inglourious Basterds.  I’ll be so happy when this movie fades into obscurity so I can stop having to concentrate so hard on spelling the title correctly.

Anyway, Angelina was there wearing a non-color (shocker) and I was amused to see that a majority of the red carpet photos are of Angelina posing alone with Brad cast over to the side.  His movie.  His premiere.  Her moment to shine.

Someone stole three boxes of dresses from Angelina Jolie’s stylist.  The suspect was later found zonked out in an alley. He reportedly examined the loot he grabbed, realized it was just a bunch of dresses for Angie and immediately fell asleep out of boredom due to the lack of creativity and imagination.  Okay, I’m kidding about that.  The criminal is still at large.  

So if you see some madman running down the street with a bunch of black, beige and navy, high-neck maxi dresses slung over his arm, call the cops!

It’s hard to believe that a full year has gone by since the Brangelina twins were born. Or does it seem like it’s been way more than a year? I don’t know. I change my mind every thirty seconds. But Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon turned one today, and I’m pleased to see that we’ll still worshiping non-Jolie-Pitt deities. It’s just a matter of time, though, before these children grow up and become a religion. A beautiful, pouty-lipped religion.

Out of respect for their generous donation, I declined to use the term “Brangelina” in my headline. You’re welcome, Jolie-Pitts. That’s what a million bucks buys you in this economy.

The patrons saints of everything shelled out the $1M to the U.N. to help survivors of the violence in Pakistan. Over 2 million Pakistanis have been driven from their homes this year by fighting between government troops and Taliban militants in the northwest of the country.

Angelina was also present at the World Refugee Day ceremonies in DC today. She spoke at the event, getting choked up herself. She said of the refugees: “Most of all they are survivors … They are the most impressive people I have ever met.”

Missing from the ceremonies was Hillary Clinton, who fractured her elbow when she fell on her way to the White House, and scheduled host Anderson Cooper, who apparently couldn’t get a flight out. Ann Curry filled in.

In a move that proves money doesn’t necessarily equate to power, Angelina Jolie has bumped Oprah Can Someone Please Pass The Mashed? Winfrey out of the number one slot on Forbes’ Celebrity Top 100 Most Powerful list. 

Rankings are based not just on income but also on visibility.  In other words, Oprah needs to be in Playboy this year if she expects to waddle her way back to the top.  I’m not sure how serious a Top 100 Anything list can be considered when Jennifer Love Hewitt makes the cut, but it’s still wildly amusing to think of Oprah doing a centerfold spread. 

After Angie and O, Madonna, Beyonce, Tiger Woods, Bruce Springsteen, Stephen Spielberg, Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, and Kobe Bryant filled out the top ten.

To view the entire list, click here.

I make it a policy to only report every tenth “Brad and Angelina Are Over!” story that gets floated out to the internet and today is that day.

As the Enquirer reports it in their Breaking News section, Brangie’s appearance at Cannes was staged for the media in hopes that no one would know that the truth:  they are ovah! 

After months of behind-the-scenes battles, it’s finally over between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Hollywood’s most glamorous power couple – who never married despite having six children – have grown tired of trying to gloss over their problems following five tumultuous years together, say sources.

Brad and Angelina are going their separate ways with the hope of reuniting in the future if they can repair their volatile relationship, disclosed an insider.

“They will make it official. It looks like Brad will be shooting two movies in California and in the Amazon, while Angelina is retreating to their French chateau with the rest of the family.

“It’s an official split.”

Listen, this is all crap.  I just report these stories as a trial run for the real deal.  Of course, when the inevitable break-up actually does happen, it’s not like any of us will believe it. 

To recap:  Brangie aren’t pregnant, adopting, broken up or interesting.

Angelina chows down on some cake on the NYC set of her new flick Salt.

We’ve got more pics of Angelina’s on-set eating in the Evil Beet Photo Galleries, along with new pics of Michelle Williams and Mathilda and Nick and Vanessa making out at Charles de Gaulle airport. Check ‘em out!

Brad and Angelina showed up arm and arm on the Cannes red carpet at the Inglourious Basterds premiere.  Brad looked appropriately doting and Angelina looked like she finally reached an appropriate body weight.  She wore a dress that wasn’t black and though she still hasn’t ventured out of the neutrals, it was cut to her nether regions which certainly helped her cause.

All in all, they look très glam if not overjoyed to be with one another.

It’s Tuesday, it’s sunny outside and I’m feeling productive.  So in the spirit of efficiency, I’m just going to get started on these newest stories about trouble in Brangelinadise.  Today’s tale?  The couple haven’t been photographed together in twenty-one days and Brad’s a drunk.

Daily Mail, the people who truly can fashion a feature story out of the tiniest shred of information, tells the story of Angelina’s dismay about Brad’s drinking and slovenly ways.  The summary:  Angelina came home from a long day of filming her movie, Salt.  She was upset to discover Brad passed out in bed.  He drank beer and watched movies all day, while the kids were on a separate floor of the house, giving the nannies hell.  Jolie reportedly went all sorts of nuts shaking Brad, trying to wake him up.

Listen, I seriously wonder if Daily Mail writers don’t just sit around munching on scones, make up a bunch of shit, and call it a staff meeting.  It’s so obvious that this never happened.  I mean, Angelina having enough strength, energy or body weight to shake someone?  Madness, I say!