It’s here! It’s here!
I finally tracked down the Special! Double! Issue! of People magazine, with Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, along with the rest of the clan.
How freakishly adorable is this whole clan? Even Pax is turning into a hottie. I swear, Angelina has a sixth sense for choosing babies who will grow up to be stunningly gorgeous.
All the shots from the mag are after the jump.
Enjoy!
I hadn’t thought about this before.
Fox News reports that the money Hello! and People magazines paid for the Knox and Vivi pics — between $10 and $15M, depending on whom you believe — will actually go directly to charity. Not first to Brad and Angie, and then to charity, but directly to the Jolie Pitt Foundation.
This means that the money is actually a tax write-off for these magazines.
Which means that, after you consider the tax implications, what they really paid for the pics is considerably less.
I’m just saying.
Okay, so People.com is fucking up BIG TIME by not having the pics on their website when they said they would, but at least Hello magazine — who got the British rights to the pics — have a pic up on theirs.
So … meet Knox and Vivienne!
HOORAY!!!
I cannot remember the last time I bought an issue of People magazine when I wasn’t about to board a flight. I will, however, be rushing to my local newsstand on Monday to purchase a copy of the magazine, which will reportedly contain thirty pages of photos of the new Brangelina babies.
Some initial photos will be on People’s website on Sunday, at 7 pm EST, but goddammit I want to thumb through all thirty pages. I want to see those fucking twins in every pose imaginable. And for $14M (the reported price), they sure as shit better have photos of those babies playing with puppies. Like, really little puppies. I am calling the Better Business Bureau if there are no puppies in this spread.
Oh and you wanna know what’s extra exciting, guys???
I bought a printer/fax machine a couple weeks ago, and it turns out that the damn thing has a scanner! I learned that when my friend was staying with me earlier in the week, and I slept in until 10 am, and when I woke up she was sitting at my computer in the living room and I was like “What are you doing?” and she was like “Oh just scanning in a few documents that I need,” and I was like, “How?” and she was like, “Um, using the scanner sitting right here?” So I have a scanner! So you know what? I’m gonna scan ALL THIRTY PAGES OF THIS SHIT for you guys. And then I’m going to get a cease and desist from expensive lawyers and then I’m going to take it down. So save them to your computer while you can. Remember: check here on Monday!!!
Is is possible that, for once, OK! magazine didn’t get the baby photos?
It appears People magazine has come out on top in the bidding war for the Brangelina twin photos. People will pay between $10-15M for the photos (the exact figure has not been released). Brad & Angie will, of course, donate the cash to charity.
Normally I don’t give a crap about celebrity baby photos — because all babies just look like babies to me — but for some reason I’m really excited to see these photos. I want to see if the babies have wings and halos. I betcha they do. If not, they can at least levitate. I’m certain of that.
”Mad, our 6-year-old, draws lots of war scenarios. ‘He’s all into war and guns. So for Mother’s Day he drew a machine gun, and Brad had it made into a necklace, which is really sweet. It’s really cute. I think it’s really good!”
Angelina Jolie, in a new interview with Entertainment Weekly. She wore the gun necklace for the photo shoot.
Um, is it just me or does this kind of go against everything Angie stands for? I’m confused.
Okay, seriously, when my ass gets pregnant, I am going to sit on the fucking couch all day long and be like “BRING ME MORE PICKLES AND FRO-YO!” Even if no one else is home, I’m going to yell that, just because, and I’m going to do nothing all day long but be pregnant and whiny and demanding and urinating, because I am single-handedly perpetuating the species and I have a right to do whatever the fuck I feel like.
Angelina Jolie is much more mature than I.
Even though she’s waaaay preggers, she still took time out to represent the Jolie-Pitt Foundation at a Washington DC discussion titled “Iraq, Education, and Children of Conflict.”
A thousand years from now, I swear to you, Angelina Jolie is going to be a fucking religion, and the Angelinians are going to be murdering, like, Scientologists, somewhere in the Middle East, and it’s all going to be very, very ironic.
Star magazine, who first issued the story, has printed a retraction:
Sources in a position to have information regarding a secret wedding ceremony between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had confirmed to Star that the couple married in the French Quarter Wedding Chapel on Saturday, March 29. “There were two weddings, one planned and one unplanned,” one source told Star. “Brad and Angelina’s was the planned ceremony. The weather wasn’t good, so we were indoors.” After further investigation, the sources are not standing by their story. Brad and Angelina’s reps have not commented.
Someone over at Star is getting FIRED.
Us magazine is saying that reports of a Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie wedding on Saturday are “complete and total bulls–t.”
“Bottom line,” says a source, “they’re not even in New Orleans.”
Hmmmm.
What do you guys think? Did they tie the knot or not?
Star magazine is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married on Saturday afternoon in New Orleans.
If it’s true, it’s all you’re going to be hearing about all week.
And everyone’s still reporting that Angie’s expecting twins.
Because it turns out they’re ninth cousins.
And Brad Pitt? He’s a ninth cousin of Barack Obama.
OMG.
Only on a slow news day, people. Only on a slow news day.
Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, the researchers found.
Clinton … and Jolie, meanwhile, are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.
Seriously?
And I went to elementary school with John McCain’s daughter. No, really, I did. She was a couple of years below me. I was her 4th grade reading buddy. She wore big red glasses and she was adorable. I’m gonna call my PR agency. We oughtta issue a press release on a slow news day.
Update: Photo removed because it violated some manner of copyright blah blah blah. Sorry.
Jesus, Angelina.
Do you really want another?
You know, if you feel like it’s too much, you could just have the baby and then put it up for adoption in Africa. How much fun would that be??? There are plenty of needy African families who would know exactly what to do with a beautiful white baby.
