Unfortunately, it’s wax. Don’t let Amy near it! She might light it on fire and try to smoke it.

Here’s the Amy Winehouse wax figure at Madame Tusseaud’s in the UK, which was unveiled today.

What do we think, kids?

Will the real Amy Winehouse ever look this good again?

It’s probably a health shake.

Right.

Amy Winehouse sips away during her performance at T in the Park.

Lookin’ good, kiddo!

Okay, I’m sure you’ve all noticed that one thing our world is sorely missing is an Amy Winehouse crotch shot. And, no, we don’t have one of those yet. What we do have: Amy Winehouse pubes! Miles and miles of them.

Amy hit the town with a mystery man and some very low-rise jeans, and showed us a little of the garden she’s growing down. Hell, she’s probably growing weed down there. She’s certainly got room.

Pics are after the jump.

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Amy Winehouse gets her tit grabbed by a female friend as she’s attempting to bum a smoke.

This is not good.

This is not good at all.

Amy Winehouse is going to die soon.

Sigh.

Amy Winehouse reportedly threw a fit and left the London hospital where she’s been treated for the past two weeks. She then partied until 4:30 in the morning and returned home to continue the party with some friends.

However, word is that the next day she checked herself back into the hospital.

I have a T-shirt that I bought at some novelty shop that says “In and Out of Rehab Like It’s My Job.” I thought it was funny, given my job, but it’s all I can think about while writing this story.

Get your shit together before you die, Amy.

My sincerest congratulations and admirations go out to Ms. Amy Winehouse, who has officially reached that elusive pinnacle of any young starlet’s career where news outlets feel compelled to write entire articles on how she was not high at a performance.

About Amy’s performance at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday celebration:

After a short struggle to adjust her microphone, Winehouse kicked off the set with “Rehab.” The song’s lack of slurred lyrics and nonshortness of breath combined with particularly effusive backup dancers resulted in major crowd love for the singer, who curtsied and twirled for the fans before next launching straight into “Valerie,” a cover of the Zutons hit she performed on Mark Ronson’s Version.

Remarkably, she left the stage after the two tunes without incident.

Holy shit, hold the presses!

Amy Winehouse — ahem, recent Grammy winner Amy Winehouse — sang two entire songs — in public! — without a visible needle dangling from her arm. IT’S NEWS, PEOPLE!

In things-that-actually-matter news, the concert, which also included performances by Josh Groban, Leona Lewis, Queen, Annie Lennox, Stephen Fry, Quincy Jones and Lewis Hamilton (All of whom may or may not have been high! I can’t be sure! No one’s written an article about it either way!), raised funds for Nelson Mandela’s HIV/AIDS charity, which is very awesomely called 46664. That was his prison number during the twenty-seven years he spent in prison for the “crimes” he committed during his fight against apartheid. Very awesome indeed. You can learn more about 46664 and donate to the cause here.

Amy Winehouse fainted at her home on Monday, and her father, who was there, rushed her to the hospital.

“Amy was at home this afternoon when she briefly fainted. Fortunately, her manager’s assistant was there to stop her falling,” publicist Tracey Miller said. “She quickly recovered and her father Mitch took her to hospital as a precaution. Doctors are unsure of the cause of the incident and Amy is currently undergoing tests. She may be kept in overnight for observation.”

Uh, you don’t have to go to medical school to figure out what happened here. I should be Amy Winehouse’s doctor. I’d be way less puzzled about this.