The Church of Scientology has reached out to Amy Winehouse in an effort to help with her spiraling drug addiction.  

Narconon, based on the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, is a rehabilitation plan with an approach of cold turkey withdrawal, hands-on healing, vitamin supplements and enduring insults and prolonged eye contact with a coach as a way to build trust.  I know it also involves the counseling of the alien beings, known as a Space Opera, that inhabit her “meat body”. 

Yeah.  That sounds sane.

Kirstie Alley is the spokesperson for Narconon.  Ahem.

Here’s Amy at a DJ gig in London last night, where she apparently jammed on an acoustic guitar before attempting to jam several vinyl records down the backside of her leggings.

The photo agency says she later “suffered cuts to her legs and hands,” although they don’t specify exactly how.

For what it’s worth, Amy, I find it works better if you use the razor blades to cut the cocaine on, say, a mirror, instead of on your hands. Just my experience.

No no, you guys, you don’t understand.

This is the best picture out of the whole set.

The others are equally bad or worse.

Here’s Amy Winehouse performing at Bestival this weekend.

Man, her hair looks itchy.

For the second year in a row, Amy Winehouse has pulled out of her performance at the Rock en Seine Festival outside of Paris.

“Amy Winehouse was regrettably unable to perform at the Rock en Seine show in Paris, due to illness,” her spokesman Chris Goodman said. “She was taken ill at her house and wasn’t able to travel to France for the concert.”

The concert organizers were given two hours’ notice that their headliner was not going to be showing up.

OMG.

Why does anybody book this bitch for anything these days? There’s like a 20% chance she’ll show up. Just skip it, guys.

Really, guys. Cancel your meetings. Order in lunch. It’s all over.

Escape from Rehab: The Amy Winehouse Game

Amy has reportedly agreed to go to a rehab that is close to husband Blake’s jail, so that she can get sober while making regular conjugal visits. Frankly, if I were her, I’d think of this as an opportunity to get sober near a constant reminder of what can happen if she doesn’t clean her act up. She’s going to the Focus 12 Clinic, which is only fifteen miles away from Blake’s jail.

Good luck with this, Amy!

Whether or not she’ll remember it is a different story, but Amy Winehouse has so far survived two days of performing at the V Festival in England this weekend.

She’s managing to hold a guitar and not fall down.

Very impressive!