Blake Is Free!
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
After a year, Amy Winehouse’s enabling husband Blake Fielder-Civil is out of jail but into rehab. I hate to say it but his release bumps both of them up near the top of my death pool.
Archive for the ‘Amy Winehouse’ Category
Amy Winehouse Back In Rehab
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
Really. I know. Shocking. After taking the weekend off, she’s back in for “ongoing treatment“. What rehab program lets you take a two-day break to re-up? Isn’t there such a thing in England as involuntary commitment? I know it’s a tough thing to achieve in the courts but wouldn’t you say Amy Winehouse would qualify?
I Am Going to Start Automating the Amy Winehouse Rehab Stories
Sunday, October 26th, 2008
Seriously, you guys, rather than write these things every month, I’m just going to create a software program that knows to pump them out every 4-5 weeks. I’m going to patent it and sell it to all other news agencies.
Here is a rough look at the pseudo-code:
printf("OMG you guys! Amy Winehouse went to rehab! She had some trouble with the cops because of $police_issue and so she checked herself into rehab at $london_clinic with the help of her good pal $other_druggie. Her father, Mitch Winehouse, said Amy was just going into the clinic because she was struggling with $fabricated_illness.")
WHERE
$police_issue = { 'failing to appear at a court date' | 'involvement in bar brawl' | 'ingestion of enough illegal drugs to kill Keith Richards' } && !{'cooperation'}
$london_clinic = { 'Harley Street' || 'Focus 12' || 'London Clinic' } $$ !{'jail'}
$other_druggie = { 'Blake Civil-Fielder' || 'Blake Wood' || 'the cab driver'}
$fabricated_illness = { 'chest infection' || 'pneumonia' || 'rabies' } && !{'crack in her lungs'}
Best of luck to ya, Amy, but I've still got you as tops in my death pool.
Amy Winehouse Jam Session
Monday, October 13th, 2008This clip just hit YouTube.
I swear to God, every time I see Amy Winehouse I get a contact high.
Amy Winehouse Invited to Space Opera
Sunday, October 5th, 2008
The Church of Scientology has reached out to Amy Winehouse in an effort to help with her spiraling drug addiction. Â
Narconon, based on the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, is a rehabilitation plan with an approach of cold turkey withdrawal, hands-on healing, vitamin supplements and enduring insults and prolonged eye contact with a coach as a way to build trust. I know it also involves the counseling of the alien beings, known as a Space Opera, that inhabit her “meat body”.Â
Yeah. That sounds sane.
Kirstie Alley is the spokesperson for Narconon. Ahem.
Amy Winehouse is TOTALLY FINE: Exhibit 2,994,756
Thursday, September 11th, 2008
Here’s Amy at a DJ gig in London last night, where she apparently jammed on an acoustic guitar before attempting to jam several vinyl records down the backside of her leggings.
The photo agency says she later “suffered cuts to her legs and hands,” although they don’t specify exactly how.
For what it’s worth, Amy, I find it works better if you use the razor blades to cut the cocaine on, say, a mirror, instead of on your hands. Just my experience.
Hey Beet, Why Do You Always Run the Ugliest Pictures of Amy Winehouse?
Sunday, September 7th, 2008
No no, you guys, you don’t understand.
This is the best picture out of the whole set.
The others are equally bad or worse.
Here’s Amy Winehouse performing at Bestival this weekend.
Man, her hair looks itchy.
