Wendie ran the first batch this weekend; you can see them here. Now there are even more, plus a video of Amy dancing topless on her balcony. I’m not joking. It’s here.

You know what’s weird?

Despite all the hell she puts her body through, she still has really nice tits. I guess the gods of evolution (is that an oxymoron?) want us to keep our reproductive organs intact no matter what.

I also love how, without her crazy wig beehive, she’s totally rocking the Jew-fro. Like, underneath the rock-star career and the crack habit, this is just a nice Jewish girl who took a few wrong turns along the way …

Amy Winehouse.  Topless here.  You’re very, very welcome.  And I think this goes without saying but just in case you’ve hit the nog a little too hard this season,  NSFW.

Oh, and funniest quote ever from the accompanying News of the World article:  “Amy just whipped off her top and dived in to the sea without a care in the world. She was looking a better than she has for a while. A bit of sun is just what she needs.”  Yeah, a tan.  That’s what she needs.  Why didn’t I think of that?  

Can we think of some things to add to the list of Just What Amy Winehouse needs?  I’ll start:  1)  teeth.

So sad. And, yet, so very, very predictable.

Blake Civil-Fielder has failed a drug test, and sobriety was a part of his early release agreement, so he’s going back to the slammer, possibly until 2010. Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse — who’s currently in the hospital herself — has begun divorce proceedings.

A source said: “Blake did a runner. He turned up in hospital and hell broke loose — everyone was totally shocked.

“He was asking Amy to forgive him. As he was going back inside anyway he felt he didn’t have much to lose.”

Fielder-Civil, who had been at Live Works rehab in Woking, Surrey, planned to hand himself in to cops after an evening with her.

A source said: “If he had stayed in prison last month rather than taking the rehab option he was set to be released at the end of this month. He’s blown it.”

Jesus Christ. This relationship is such a shit-show. If they both get through the next year alive, I’ll be impressed.

In an interview with News of the World, Blake Civil-Fielder admits (from rehab) that he’s the reason Amy got hooked on crack and heroin, and that he plans to stay out of her life in the future because he feels it’s the best thing he can do for her. Blake gets out of rehab at the end of this year.

“The first time Amy took crack she asked me, ‘Can I try a bit of that’,” he said. “Crack is the nastiest drug. It makes you paranoid, unreasonable, edgy and totally suspicious of everyone. And you can get hooked on it straight away. But I was weak and an addict and I let Amy take some. I didn’t stop it from happening. For that I take full responsibility. It became something we did as well as heroin. And then our lives fell apart.”

Blake talked about the first time he saw Amy have a seizure from a drug overdose. “I knew fucking then that I had ruined something beautiful. It was all my fault. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life,” he said. And as for his prison stay? “I just couldn’t believe that after our wonderful marriage — the happiest day of my life — we were going to be torn apart. I felt inadequate. I felt unworthy of Amy. I felt that she should be with some other pop star or film star. Not be with some little chav from Camden. I cut my arms after we fell out over doing too much drugs and losing sight of ourselves. Amy got really upset about seeing me bleeding. And because she’s loyal and fucked up over our love — like Romeo and Juliet — she cut her arms too. I had to get her stitched up.”

And as for their future together?

“There are still reasons that Amy and I don’t like to be sober and if I go back to her I am basically saying, ‘It’s all right to kill yourself Amy’. Even if I was strong enough to resist drugs — and I’m not — it’s a ticking timebomb. I accept that there is every horrible, horrible chance that I could be tempted to take drugs again if I went back to Amy … My fantasy is that one day fate might bring us back together when Amy is clean. In an ideal world me and Amy would live together in a nice house with our two kids and all of this would be a distant fucking memory. That would be my dream … What people don’t realise is that Amy is an amazing wife, an amazing home-maker and a beautiful figure in the home. You would be surprised the domestic bliss you can have with Amy just doing the cooking and caring for you. But because of drugs we can’t have a normal life together. That’s why I have to let her go.”

OMG. This guy sounds like such a drama queen. How can you have a normal relationship with somebody who’s this intense all the time? On the flip side, though, it does seem like he cares for Amy a great deal, and is trying to help the both of them to get and stay sober, which is admirable.

You can hear some audio clips from the interview here or read more of it here.

Yes, Wino’s back in the hospital, once again for an “adverse reaction to medication.” I’ll make the same joke I made last time: the medication in question is crack.

Her spokesdude says was admitted to the hospital on Sunday after suffering an allergic reaction. She is currently undergoing tests and will remain there for observation.

I’m not at all worried. Nothing can hurt Amy Winehouse. She is invincible. If it were possible for her to die, it definitely would have happened by now. Amy will outlive us all. She’s probably like those vampires in Twilight. Except instead of being a “vegetarian” vampire who only drinks animal blood, Amy is a “crackhead” vampire who only consumes crack-cocaine.

Oh, look, it’s Amy Winehouse, looking absolutely stunning and put-together.

Hey, have you seen her face close up? I just feel it’s worth showing you, because the precision on her eyeliner really deserves to be noticed. Damn, she looks really good for an octogenarian.

HOW IS THIS GIRL NOT DEAD YET? The human species is truly a resilient one. I think Amy exists to teach the world about faith. I think she’s a spiritual guide of sorts for our planet. Eckhart Tolle better watch his back. Because, look: If you’re one of those people struggling to come to grips with the presence of God in our world, take a good hard look at Amy Winehouse. A person like this does not survive on the strength of her body alone. Someone is taking good care of this bitch that she’s even breathing, let alone walking. Preach on, Amy!

Rather than be like, “Oh my Lord, she’s such a mess, she’s going to die soon!” we need to bottle what she has and sell it. You know why? Because Amy Winehouse is invincible. It’s true. She can’t die. A mere mortal would have been dead 1000 times over by now, but Amy? Still going strong! Wearing tank tops in the freezing November London weather! She’s even abandoned her magical beehive, so as to prove that all the invincibility comes from her and her alone. Nothing can kill this girl.

Very impressive, Miz Winehouse.