Amy was spotted walking on the beach in St. Lucia with an enormous burn scar on her leg. According to some sources, Amy was cooking a pot of pasta when the pot full of boiling water fell on her. Somehow I doubt that’s the entire story, but something tells me Amy got lucky here. It probably could have been a whole lot worse, whatever it was she was doing.

I hadn’t seen a picture of her in awhile, so I figured she’d secretly died on St. Lucia and they’d buried her and we’d all moved on, but NO! She’s back in London, and she’s alive, and she actually looks half-decent!

Amy was checking out the Bat for Lashes show at the Hard Rock in London on Monday night, and photogs snapped her on her way out. Sure, she’s holding some dude’s hand, but she seems to be supporting her own body weight pretty well, and in heels! Her face looks cleaner and more alert, too. Maybe, just maybe, this girl’s gotten some real help and is getting on the right track. Fingers crossed!

I’ll let you choose how you want to wrap up this weekend. You can either read the entire content of this post about Sean Avery and how Vogue just released the title of his upcoming biopic, OR you can skip to the very last paragraph for an Amy Winehouse upskirt. I’ll leave the decision up to you.

If you don’t know who Sean Avery is, you should. You should know him, so you can hate him.

He’s just about the douchiest hockey player ever to play the game. He’s been traded and re-traded, thanks to his habit of alienating all his teammates while making completely unnecessary asshole comments about his ex-girlfriends (which include Elisha Cuthbert & Rachel Hunter), decorating booths at fashion week with sunflowers,  and shopping for women’s handbags on ESPN. He’s also solely responsible for a regulation in the NHL rule book ( alternately known as either the Sean Avery rule or the “Can’t Get Mad, I’m Not Touching” rule) that keeps assholes from acting like playground bullies and standing in front of the goalie, flailing their arms about like a 4 year old fighting with his sister.

Vogue magazine has decided to make a biopic on Avery, who once interned there. They announced the title of of the upcoming movie this weekend: Puck face. I’m thinking they were one letter off on that one.

And for those of you who’re gonna bitch about me ending the weekend by writing about a sports celebrity, here. That’s a nice Amy Winehouse upskirt shot for you. Are you happy now? You could have bettered yourselves by learning something about the people you should hate in professional sports. But instead, you’d rather look at some skankity crack patty’s skunk hole.

Amy Winehouse was in court yesterday to plead guilty to assault.  Gosh, that sentence practically writes itself.  The charges stem from an incident last fall in which Amy allegedly attacked a woman who asked for a photo of Winehouse after a charity ball.

Amy pled not guilty-an absolutely brilliant strategy considering that bystanders took pictures of the melee.

Honestly, I don’t care about this case and I don’t care about Amy Winehouse.  Celebrity gossip bloggers will be writing this story with slightly edited details, until the end of Amy’s life.  Therefore, we have at least another six months of this crap.

What I do care about is that her tits were hanging out of her dress and that Beyonce was kind enough to loan her hips to Amy for the big day in court.  Obviously, she’s planning some sort of insanity defense.  And based on that, I rule in favor of the defendant.

Amy Winehouse finally left St. Lucia and returned to Britain so she could check out her new digs.  Whilst she’s been away, a new house in North London has been set up for her in a continued effort to get her in a better environment.  Neighbors are not pleased that there is a new beehive in town.  One neighbor, upon hearing the news of Amy’s arrival, was quoted saying, “House prices have fallen enough without Amy Winehouse taking up residence.”  The people in her new neighborhood will never be able to sell their homes.  Amy Winehouse is an epic liability.

Not only is Winehouse an impossible neighbor, she’s even a pain in the ass at 30,000 feet.  On the flight from St. Lucia back to London, she attacked a fellow passenger that she suspected was committing the unforgivable sin of  looking at her strangely.  I don’t know what that bastard was thinking, glancing in her direction like that.  Winehouse jumped on the dude and had to be pulled off of him.

In conclusion, St. Lucia doesn’t want Amy.  North London doesn’t want Amy.  Every major airline doesn’t want Amy.

Amy Winehouse has returned to the U.K just days after her beloved Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake was released from prison. As you may recall, Amy has pledges to mend her marriage with Blake despite blatantly cheating on him with another (much more attractive) man, but Blake’s Mummy, Georgette Civil, is not having it.

‘He feels very let down by his wife and he’s proceeding with a divorce,

‘Amy has behaved like a trollop. Since his release there has been no contact.

‘Blake realised the marriage was doomed some time ago and I don’t believe Amy will get round him now.

‘I never want him to go back to her. It would be bad news. He’s divorcing her because she cheated on him and the sooner the marriage is over the better.’

Trollop, eh? That’s strong words coming from the mother of a man that singlehandly hooked a promising young performer on the hard stuff. It’s not as though he’s exactly blameless in the situation. I’m not sure why Amy is so bent on saving this crapfest in the first place – especially after she said this:

In an interview last month, Amy admitted she had ‘forgotten’ she was even married.

She said: ‘Our whole marriage was based on drugs anyway. He looks like me – a right mess. Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead.’

This is not going to end until one of them is dead. They’re like star crossed lovers, or they would be if Romeo and Juliet had been drug-addled, disillusioned, underweight, media whores with an acute aversion to bathing.

I love you guys, but, I gotta be honest — I was planning on getting out of this gig pretty soon. You see, I had tens of thousands of dollars invested in death pools worldwide, betting on Amy Winehouse to be dead by the end of the year. I figured she’d kick the bucket pretty soon, and I could cash in and move to a Bahamian island. Actually, no, I’d probably move to Hawaii or something, since everyone just seems to die when they go near the Bahamas.

Except for Amy Winehouse.

While she’s still getting drunk all the time, Amy appears not to be particularly cracked out these days, and has wisely turned control of her money over to the care of her parents.

The pop diva, trying to beat her drug problems on a long Caribbean holiday, signed when dad Mitch flew to see her.

Now she is barred from spending her own money without the say-so of Mitch or her mum Janis.

The move comes just weeks before Amy, 25, is expected to receive a £10million cheque for last year’s sales of her 2006 album Back To Black.

“Everyone is pleased because it means Amy is listening to good advice,” said a source. “It’s still her money and nobody else can touch it. But this stops her doing anything stupid. And it is evidence that Amy is really turning her life around.”

Documents lodged at Companies House show Amy is the only beneficiary of her company Cherry Westfield – she owns all 100 £1 “ordinary” shares in the firm. But on January 16 Amy, who is now being divorced by her druggie husband Blake Fielder-Civil on the grounds of infidelity, agreed “articles of association” which give her parents “B-shares” – and voting rights which restrict her actions.

Her friend Blake Wood witnessed Amy’s signature on the document, which ex-cabbie Mitch personally delivered to her St Lucia villa.

At least one of her parents – who divorced when Amy was nine – must agree to any decisions about Cherry Westfield.

Now, this isn’t exactly the scenario that Britney Spears has — her father has far more control over her life than this document gives Amy’s parents — but it’s a sign that Amy is open to taking suggestions, and possibly allowing others to help her move her life in a non-dying direction.

Which is good for Amy, but bad for anyone who had her in a death pool.

So who should my money be on now?