If you can believe it, it turns out Dustin Diamond (aka Screech) is every bit the classy gentleman that his Dirty-Sanchezed sex tape would make him out to be. Diamond, who is currently taping VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club 5, has reportedly had trouble making friends with many of his castmates. (As an aside: I have plenty of adjectives to describe Dustin Diamond, but “overweight” has never been one of them. I like how he’s doing the “fat celeb” television show just because it’s a television show.)

Diamond appears on the program alongside Kimberley Locke, from American Idol, and Tiffany, from malls. Both stormed off the set after Locke got into a fight with Diamond. Are you ready for the funniest thing ever? This is what Diamond said on-camera to upset Locke: “Screw Kimberley Locke. I’m going to make a dildo of my cock and fuck her with it.” After the walkout, producers halted the taping and sent everyone home. Kimberley is now telling the producers that either she goes or Dustin goes.

An inside source says that Dustin has not made many friends on the show: “Nobody wants him on their team. The producers have a difficult decision to make.” This is so wonderful! Celebrity Fit Club has their very own Puck!

You know, it’s moments like these that make me glad to be alive. Sunsets are lovely, and I enjoy the sound of the ocean and a cool breeze across my cheek, and falling in love is a thrill every now and then, but, mostly, it’s waking up on a cloudy Tuesday morning to discover that Screech threatened to sodomize an American Idol contestant with a self-styled sex toy that make me stop and reflect on just how suddenly joyful this journey of life can be. Thank you, Dustin Diamond. Thank you for everything.

Who’d've thunk it? In between puking and talking about puking, Katharine McPhee actually found time to record an album. An eponymous album, at that. It’s not bad, specifically, it’s just not particularly interesting. Maybe it will grow on me. It’s a soulful R&B sound, very reminiscent of her “Black Horse and a Cherry Tree” turn on AmIdol. It’s a fairly mature sound from an AmIdol contestant. Except she had to go and title a song “Not Ur Girl.” When will people stop titling songs like they were IMing their BFF? Pick a fucking demographic, Kat. Seriously, can you imagine if they’d pulled that shit 30 years ago? And today we’d all be covering “A Case of U” and “Ticket 2 Ride” and “Uve Got a Friend”?

Anyway, AOL has the whole thing streaming for free right now. Check it out here.

Remember “Crazy Mary” from last season of “American Idol?” She told us back then that “she had a lot of voices.” She also was one of the most awkward human beings I have ever seen in my life. After her bizarre audition she had a brief moment of fame (via the entire free world calling her a total nut, but any publicity is good publicity right?) but we haven’t heard of her much since then.

She was off to beauty school back then…or so we thought. Looking at her MySpace page she admits that her AI “performance” was pretty much an act. She is an aspiring comedian who is looking for

“Anyone who wants to make any sort of comedic or dramatic collaboration with me. Anyone who wants to write screenplays and make films. Anyone who wants to assist in the production of a punk rock musical. Anyone who wants to start a band. Anyone who considers themselves to be strange, and is proud of it. Anyone who wants to fuel their creativity in any way that I might be able to help them with, or vice versa.”

Looks like rejection made her a bit dark.

Ok so I can’t deal with this when people end up on multiple reality shows. Do these people have an agent? There is something seriously wrong with the world when we have reality show rejects that are reoccurring characters.

First he goes on “So You Think You Can Dance” and throws his mink in the corner. Then he goes on “American Idol” and wears some ratty chinchilla scarf.

Some people were not loved enough as children. Here is Ian making a fool of himself on American Idol:

Here here is the mess of crazy on “So You Think You Can Dance.”:

He might not be good at anything but damn does he make for some good TV.

Update: Of course he has a MySpace page. Click here at your own risk.

Rosie is so over feuding with Donald Trump and she has now shifted her focus to “American Idol” and the judges. The bigwigs at the “View” must be LOVING all of this.

Rosie evidently isn’t impressed by the huge ratings of American Idol stating that,

“If you keep serving people crap, they’re eventually going to think it’s a meal. Three millionaires… one probably intoxicated. So sad.”

I’m so excited for a new fued!

The cast of Grey’s Anatomy continues their love-fest, with T.R. Knight appearing on Ellen to formally recommend Isaiah Washington for sainthood. [Defamer]

Even into the sixth season, the American Idol auditions continue to hold a strange power over America. Film.com’s live-blogging it. [Film.com]

Breaking: Paris Hilton treats another human being like crap for no discernable reason. [Celebslam]

Larry Rudolph shocks the world by announcing that Britney Spears is actually not pregnant. [Hollywood Grind]

Meanwhile, a definitely pregnant Tori Spelling knocks back a few glasses of wine. [DListed]

Hugh Hefner generously agrees that he will maybe possibly at some point consider allowing Holly Madison to demand child support from him once she ages out. [Celebitchy]

Gasp! Aniston confidante Courteney Cox was spotted fraternizing with the enemy at the Golden Globes. [The Blemish]

Pam Anderson parties at the Playboy mansion, narrowly avoids a crotch shot. She is not fast enough, however, to evade the ginormous Wynonna Judd lookalike who’s grabbed her by the leg and is now threatening to lick something. [TBYLTH]

Yes. It’s true. Drunkie Paula gave the following quote to Entertainment Weekly:

“Last year, when no one understood what I was saying, and even though I’ve never been drunk in my life, I’m accused of filling my Coca-Cola cup with alcohol. Yeah, that was really fun for me.”

First off, Paula, way to remember to plug Coca-Cola even in the midst of a conversation about your alcoholism. You’re a real pro.

Also, dear, if I were you, I’d cop to the drinking. Because if you’re claiming you gave an interview like this sober, well, you leave the rest of us no choice but to assume you are functionally retarded. Come on, Paula? How about some information, please?

Straight up now, tell me, you don’t really wanna drug yourself forever?

Oh oh oh….

Or you slur your speech ‘cuz you hurt your tongue?

Straight up now, tell me, that you never touch booze or weed, not ever?

Oh oh oh…

Are you really just that dumb?