It’s red carpet time! Or, I guess in this case, it’s green carpet time. Young Hollywood turned out in droves for Sunday night’s Teen Choice Awards. I don’t know who won what award because I’m not a teen, and it’s not my choice. I chose to watch football. But I do enjoy seeing who wore what to the awards show.

The green carpet was shot outside, in natural light– something for which Beet always cuts celebs a little extra slack. But not me. Because its the same light that all of us have to live every day of our lives in. So when a celeb shows up on the red carpet in natural light that reveals their haggard eye bags and pancake makeup, I feel highly vindicated. Case in point: Amanda Bynes (above). I’m not sure what kinds of bottles she’s been hitting, or how often, but I’m convinced that bottles are definitely being hit.

I’m also convinced that inside Rumer Willis’ gullet is a pelican desperately struggling to swallow a fish.

Britney Spears, on the other hand, looked fabulous. I’ve never been a big fan of her fashion choices, but her dress tonight was sexy with a touch of  class.

Miley Cyrus showed up in an outfit that may have been made up of pieces from her Wal-mart line. I have nothing against Wal-mart, and definitely nothing against Miley, but I’m not so sure that was the best fashion choice for an awards show. Nothing says tacky like a darkly colored bra showing through a wife beater.

Other atendees included Robert Pattinson, looking drugged and disheveled as ever, Kristen Bell in my least favorite celeb fashion trend of the last few years (a jumpsuit), the Jonas Brothers, Fergie, Emma Roberts, Jordin Sparks, Kristen Stewart, Alexis Bledel, Ashley Tisdale, Selena Gomez, and Kat Von D.

So who had your favorite look of the evening? Worst?

Perez Hilton held his 31st birthday party yesterday at the Viper Room nightclub in West Hollywood. For someone who talks a lot of trash about celebrities, making juvenile comments about their love lives and appearances, a lot of them showed up at his party. This means that I can still hold out hope that Clive Owen will turn up at my 31st birthday party, no matter how big of a bitch I am on this blog.

Paris Hilton & boyfriend Doug Reinhardt, Amanda Bynes, Steve-O, and a very different looking Ashley Tisdale (holding hands with a lady friend) were in attendance, amongst others. The Jonas Brothers “rushed over” from the Kid’s Choice awards to sing Happy Birthday, and Christina Aguilera did her best Marilyn Monroe impression of a breathy “Happy Birthday Mr. Perez-ident.”

“I’m not thrilled with the number 31,” Hilton, whose real name is Mario Lavandeira, said on the pink carpet in front of the Viper Room nightclub. “But I am super excited that, right now, I’m happier in my life than I ever have been before.”

Hilton bragged that the first gift he received was from “High School Musical” heartthrob Zac Efron.

“He sent me a bottle of champagne to my hotel room, which made me squeal like a little school girl,” he gushed.

Party attendee Paris Hilton seems to have contracted Victoria Beckham’s “Every Day I Look More and More Like a Robot” disease. Note the cut on boyfriend Reinhardt’s lip, a souvenir of Friday night’s scuffle with a bodyguard at Fontainebleau.

Oooh!

In an effort to remain relevant for 20 more seconds, total douchetard Doug Reinhardt is telling his side of the Amanda Bynes break-up story, claiming he ended the relationship.

“She wouldn’t even let me have a guys’ night out without flipping out on me,” Doug said to E!. “So it’s over.”

A source close to the douchetard said Doug told Amanda he was having “a night out with the boys” on Wednesday. Around 2 a.m., Amanda showed up unannounced at Doug’s house and banged on the door. Doug wasn’t home, and she freaked out, and now it’s over.

Whatever, either this guy is going to find a new starlet to cozy up to, or he’ll be crawling back to Amanda. This guy is Spencer Pratt v2.0, people, I’m telling you. He can’t stand to not be famous.

Something is very fishy here.

Just on Tuesday, Amanda Bynes and her boyfriend, loser Doug Reinhardt, were looking all lovey-dovey on the red carpet for a charity event in LA.

Then, today, Us Weekly reports that they’re over.

“She ended it. She had had enough,” a source close to the actress says. “Her friends didn’t trust him. Everyone thought he was using her for celebrity. He was not good, and she was over it. It was definitely her who ended it.”

So, either this “break-up” is a huge publicity stunt, or they had a gigantic fight on Tuesday night that led to her calling her publicist and saying “Tell the tabloids that it’s OVER.”

There’s a backstory here, and I wanna know what it is.

Amanda Bynes is looking AMAZING these days — too bad she’s wasting her extreme hotness on total famewhore douchebag Doug Reinhardt, with whom she seems to be getting increasingly serious. She took him to some charity basketball game in BevHills last night. I hope he donated a SHITLOAD of money.

Hot new Hollywood couple alert!

I’m rarely jealous of any Hollywood pairing, but whoever lands Seth MacFarlane is an object of my envy. The Family Guy creator, 34, was spotted joined at the hip with Amanda Bynes, 22, at the Fox summer press tour event in Santa Monica. E!’s Kristin Veitch seems unsure as to whether the duo is dating, but another blogger at the event had this to say:

Seth is normally accessible at these functions. But after only a couple of minutes — literally because I have the timer recording to prove it — Amanda was having none of it. She walked away from his side and started strolling the party without him. Seth smiled, apologized and announced his date was getting away from him. So he exited the interview quickly and went running after her.

Yes, Seth may have it going on with other aspects of his life. But with women? Well, he’s still working on that one.

Amanda’s done an episode of Family Guy, so that’s probably where they met. Cute couple? I guess so. I’d rather see him with Amanda than with Paris Hilton or some shit. But I’d still be happiest seeing him with me.

Here’s the starlet and her puppy, Charlie, at an event celebrating their cover of Animal Fair.

Charlie is an awesome name for a puppy!

Amanda Bynes attends the Palm Springs Film Festival. She’s there promoting Hairspray.

Amanda Bynes is an angel.

How dull.

Does this look like the angelic face of High School Musical’s Gabriella Montez?

No.

This looks like a chick who’s ready to take all her clothes off.

This girl is gonna be trouble.

I love it.

Vanessa attended the Frederick’s of Hollywood 2008 Spring Collection Fashion Show with her “boyfriend,” Zac Efron, who looks less than pleased to be at a lingerie show. For obvious reasons.

Michael Clark Duncan and Amanda Bynes both show off their footprints at some charity event at the Turks and Caicos Film Festival on Friday.

Is there anywhere that doesn’t have a film festival?

I live in near-constant fear that one of these days I’m gonna wake up to 8000 people knocking on my door.

“Why are you here?” I’ll ask.

“The film festival,” they’ll say.

“Which film festival?”

“The one in your living room. The Evil Beet Living Room Film Festival. Didn’t you see the arrivals on WireImage?”

“Ugh.”

Let’s kick this one off with a shot of Michelle Pfeiffer getting ready to make out with her sister, Dedee, because that’s hot.

We’ve also got Carmen Electra, out to disprove anyone who would dare argue that she has a neck.

And my darling Brittany Snow, who seems to have a much better grasp on the fundamentals of make-up application than the last time we saw her.

Amanda Bynes NAKED AND NUDE.

I’m kidding. It’ll just be funny when I get the search engine traffic. And by funny I mean lucrative.

Update: Ha! We’re now on the front page of U.S. Google results for both “Amanda Bynes nude” and “Amanda Bynes naked,” and, yes, I’m getting plenty of search engine traffic as a result. This shit is so much fun, you guys!