Frances Bean Cobain took to her Twitter account — it’s now deleted, probably due to her inability to keep it to 140 characters or less — as a means to communicate to Ali Lohan that “notaritey” for who you are is not something to strive for.  Here’s her diatribe:

This is my open letter to Ali Lohan.
Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn’t fame. It’s infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things. I understand that you have been brought up in an envirtoment where the idea of fame is easily achievable but, that’s not an excuse. You lack the talent, social understanding and credibility to be anything other then infamous. Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i’m sure, will steal your money whilst there. Fortunately for the world, there are people who have and don’t have recognizable names, who have obtained artistic integrity and will one day, hopefully, bring that tangible artisticness into light again. Though, its hard to think thats achievable when people like You ali lohan are rendering the world of true talent by attempting to make your entitled ass noticed. How is this fair to the people who HAVE artistic integrity, or a mind? How is it fair to those who truly have something to offer the human race other then a dwindling last name and a few shitty films, both of which, solidified the idea that your just a celebrities sibling. I recognize that i might come across as harsh and no, i don’t personally know you, but its the actions that you take, that speak for you. You blatently don’t care how your recognized, its the objective to get famous and that is what makes you replaceable and a recycled idea .Well, im ashamed to have to be grouped into the same category of person as you. I would rather die a most painful death the be assoicated with the kind of careere your trying to make for your self. I hope i’m wrong because generally i’m not a very judgmental person, but in the case of you, that is MY entitlement.

Apparently, FBC has nothing better to do — she’s certainly not attending remedial grammar classes — than to take to the Internet to pick on unparented 15 year olds.  Trust me, Frances … no one is lumping you in the same category as Ali Lohan.  Generally, I think the public feels really bad for Ali as she was “raised” in a neglectful environment by a totally out-to-lunch, over-bleached, nonsensical “mother” who has no sense of appropriate boundaries.  Oh, wait …

Lindsay showed up tonight at a Vogue party in Paris, because she’s completely and totally stoned a fashion maven.  I’m pleased to see her not wearing leggings or flannel, but I’m horrified to see her 15 year old sister Ali “How Can Your Mother Let You Walk Out Of The House Looking Like That?” Lohan looking like a backup dancer that just stepped off a Robert Plante video shoot.  I can’t even discuss the dude standing behind the two of them.  He’s obviously the dealer a friend,

The paps are always looking to break a new story, so they made sure to get a close up of LL’s arm which shows some cutting scars and bruising as well.  I don’t know what’s up with Linds, but I hope she’s set down the razor blade and picked up a new lease on life.  Maybe while she’s picking up that new lease on life, she can pick up some Miss Clairol too.  Her hair is officially yellow.

I’d like to apologize to all the Lindsay Lohan lovers out there for not reporting this sooner; clearly I’ve been lax.  Saturday night Linds went to Crown Bar which, let’s face it, isn’t exactly breaking news.  Here’s the problem:  Somehow, she managed to smuggle her 15-year-old sister into the club.  A club owner posing as a witness in hopes that he doesn’t lose his liquor license witness offered this account:  ”They stayed at the club for an hour. They were with a couple of friends. They were both happy and bubbly. Ali drank water and Lindsay drank red bull [sic] . They hung out at their table while dancing to the beats….I guess Samantha wasn’t invited. They left at 1am.”

Obviously the witness can’t discern the difference between water and, say, vodka?

Those Lohan parents just never learn, do they?

If you’d been previously uncertain as to the definition of the word ennui, here it is: Lindsay and Ali Lohan observing an animal rights parade from the balcony of their hotel room in Paris. It is just so tiresome to be rich and famous and stuck in a five-star hotel in Paris with nothing to do but watch a bunch of people scream in French about some silly chickens. Le sigh.

Someone attempted to penetrate the walls of Lindsay Lohan’s Hollywood Hills home on Tuesday. In contrast to the many attempts to penetrate the walls of her vagina, this one failed.

“It was an attempted burglary,” spokeswoman Karen Reyner said. “No property was taken and no one was home at the time of the incident.”

It was her home’s alarm system that notified police of a potential break-in and, when they arrived, officers found evidence that someone had been in the house. Per TMZ, there were pry marks on a back door and a window showed signs of tampering.

Meanwhile, a source close to the matter tells E! News that a “person of interest” in the case is a man who is said to have been stalking and making threats against Lohan.

That man is, of course, Charlotte Ronson.

Seriously, though, Lindsay’s safe as a clam in its shell, as she’s currently cavorting around Paris with kid sis Ali, who really ought to be in school, or, at the very least, recording her caterwauling safely within the soundproof walls of a studio booth. Here’s some shots of them shopping at Balmain today.

La Lohan — sporting a tiny little top and a weird-ass glove — arrived at LAX with sis Ali today.

Oh, Lindsay.

You’re so cool.

Dina Lohan wants us to be nice to her for Mother’s Day.  I make no Promises.  Promises…get it?  The place where all Dina’s kids will eventually go to sober up.

America’s favorite Mom talked to People about the harsh and unearned criticism she is confronted with.  “We just wish people would leave us alone-at least for Mother’s Day!”  Yes, Dina.  I’m so sure you wish to be left alone.  And what better way to be left alone than to attend every high profile Hollywood event that you can get yourself into?

Despite reports that Lohan tries to get her fifteen-year-old into clubs, she also is making sure little Ali is getting an education.  Ali is in a home-schooling program.  She has never been pulled out of school.  It’s the same home-schooling program that Lindsay was in since the tenth grade. It’s a wonderful program that many celebrities are enrolled in.”  Wait-a home-schooling program that Lindsay participated in?  I wonder what type of grades Ali will pull in Joint Rolling 102 and Introduction to Cocaine.

Other than that, Ali is recording an album and working on a clothing line-perhaps a compliment to Lindsay’s leggings.  Personally, I wish they’d all just get started on their handbag lines and Lifetime movie careers.

Wanna know how you can be sure Lindsay Lohan’s wasted? I’ll pause here while you all respond “She’s breathing?” No, no, you can tell Lindsay Lohan’s wasted because she does these stupid poses on the red carpet. Sober Lindsay is a red carpet superstar — every pose, every camera glance is a total win. When she’s wasted she does this same dumb stuff and it just looks ridiculous. It’s always a dead giveaway.

Here’s wasted Lohan with sis Ali at a Teen.com party in Hollywood on Monday night.

Oh, and Us Weekly has a piece today about how Lindsay’s abusing Adderall. Tomorrow I hear they’re running pieces about how the Dodgers are a baseball team and Richard Simmons prefers sex with dudes.

Some stellar shots of Lindsay, sis Aliana and their friends relaxing in the Hawaiian sun this weekend.

How high do you think Lindsay was when she did that spray-on tan? It’s practically a Rorschach test. (Side note: I think this is the first time in my life I spelled ‘Rorschach’ correctly on the first try. Applaud me.)

Let’s play a game here: What do you see in the inkblots of Lindsay’s spray tan?

Just on her head, though. And her pubes, but that’s not what this story is about.

As women, when we split up with our significant other, our initial thought is to change our hair. I don’t know why. It’s actually my gut reaction to any major event in my life that leaves me feeling out of control. I decide I need a new me to handle it. And that new me needs to have a different hairstyle. Britney took it a step or eight (razor blades) too far, but I suppose that if the craziest thing Lindsay does this week is walk into a reputable hair salon and leave with dark red hair, everyone comes out a winner, except for tabloid news.

Linds and Aliana were spotted leaving Byron and Tracey salon yesterday, showing off Lindsay’s new look to the paps. Dude, at least she has her sister at her side right now. Ali’s probably got more sense in that teenaged head of hers than either of their parents.

What do we think of the new look?

Oh, Dina Lohan.  She is every bit the mother I’m so thankful I don’t have.

Last night Dina, Lindsay and Ali were doing coke out on the town.  They arrived at Hollywood nightclub Villa and were turned away at the door.  Why?  Because Ali Lohan is fifteen years old, that’s why!  The door dude said, “No,” and Dina replied with the so overused and tired inquiry, “Do you know who I am?”  Big sister Linds, who should not be pointing out anyone’s mistakes to anyone, chimed in, “You’re making a big mistake!  Huge!”  Yet still, Access.  Denied.

Sad and disturbing-a random bouncer offers more guidance and parental judgment to Ali than her own mother and sister.  What does Ali”s future look like if she’s trying to get into nightclubs at fifteen?  See?  This is how far removed I am from the Hollywood mindset; it’s why I just can’t relate.  I heard this tale of denial at the door and all I could think was, “Wait, isn’t this a school night for Ali?”  I also thought, “How the hell was Drew Barrymore getting into clubs at eight?”

Anyway, if Ali wants to keep pace towards the goal of rehab by seventeen, handbag designer by nineteen and memoir by twenty, she needs to get started on her meth habit, shoplifting convictions and sex tape, like, now.

She’s alive!!!

After falling off the radar for OVER A WEEK, Lindsay Lohan and some weird-ass gloves resurfaced this weekend in New York, along with her mom and sister, Ali. Dude. CHECK OUT THE TITS ON ALIANA. That girl is 15 years old. She can’t drive a car, but you sure can motorboat those titties.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.