So, uh, Us Magazine has the side-by-side comparison, and an entire discussion of whether or not 14-year-old Ali had some work done in the chest area.

Jesus Lord, are there actually plastic surgeons who will perform boob jobs on 14-year-olds?

I hope this is just a push-up bra issue. Because her tits DO look considerably larger in the photo on the right, and it really kind of sickens me to think that people are putting breast implants in girls who aren’t even old enough to drive.

This is apparently the video for Ali Lohan’s new single, “All the Way Around.”

Uhhh … it’s just clips from Living Lohan. Like, clips that are in no way relevant to the song. I hope this is, like, the preliminary video that some high-school interns at E! threw together, and there’s a real video coming later. Because otherwise they’re just not trying. Are all the family’s resources re-focused on Lindsay now that it looks like she might not die soon? Ali had that brief window of her mother’s attention while her sister was in rehab for like two years straight, but now that Lindsay’s coming back, maybe everyone in the family is just forgetting about Ali. I’m having trouble thinking up any other explanation for this crapfest.

If anyone on the planet is truly a purveyor of quality music, it’s Lindsay Lohan, so we can all take a deep breath and relax, knowing that she approves of Ali Lohan’s first single, “All the Way Around.”

“Lindsay loves it,” she said. “It was nervewracking to hear from her because she’s so hugely successful, so I was like ‘No, don’t listen to it!’ I ran out of the room when she listened to it. She’s really proud of me.”

And as for Lindsay’s girlfriend, Samantha Ronson?

“She likes it a lot,” says Ali, adding that “it would be really cool” for Ronson to play a remix version of the tune at one her deejaying gigs.

Lindsay’s kid sis is starting to look quite a bit like the younger Simpson gal, IMHO.

And now everyone’s reporting she’s had plastic surgery at the ripe old age of 14.

I call bullshit. She’s had her lips plumped a bit, and she’s wearing blue contacts now, and hair and eyelash extensions, but the rest is just make-up. She’s undergone nothing that requires a general anesthetic, Ashlee-style. The bone structure is all the same.

But it’s weird how much she looks like Ashlee Simpson now.

Lindsers and kid sis Ali were partying in the penthouse of her new NYC complex on Thursday night.

Lindsay reportedly stayed clean, drinking only water, smoking and dancing as Samantha Ronson ran the DJ booth. The two headed back to Lindsay’s apartment around 10 pm.

Mom Dina Lohan showed up to say hi, but Lindsay nixed the cameras following Dina for her new reality TV show, so Dina only stayed for 20 minutes.

Good thinkin’, Linds!

Look who’s behind the DJ booth now.

Just look.

Oh no.

It’s happening all over again, you guys.

Oh, God, they’re actually doing this.

E! is set to begin filming on Living Lohan, a reality series which will follow Mother of the Year Dina Lohan and daughter Ali as Ali tries to follow in Lindsay Lohan’s footsteps. Because, you know, who wouldn’t want a life like Lindsay Lohan? Doesn’t she just seem so happy all the time? Yes, I’d want to do whatever it takes to get to the point where I’m back on cocaine after my third stint in rehab. Guide me, Dina Lohan. Help me to live a life as joyous as Lindsay’s.

Anyway, filming’s beginning by following Clan Lohan to Las Vegas, where Ali’s going to begin work on her already-doomed solo album for Interscope Records.

Dina’s sons, Cody and Michael, will also make appearances in the series, but Lindsay has no plans to participate. As least she’s making some good decisions.

I guess 14-year-old Ali Lohan thinks she’s “making a name for herself.”

Which is totally true, if by “making a name for herself” she means “being Lindsay Lohan’s little sister.”

Ali’s being featured in the new issue of Teen Vogue — which you should buy only because Blake Lively’s on the cover — and boy does she have some disturbing things to say.

Here’s what she has to say about her impending doom fame:

I want it so bad. So bad you don’t even know. And now, it’s actually happening … I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph, and it’s just a really good feeling to have.

Oh, I don’t even know where to start on this.

First, let’s discuss what’s “actually happening” for Ali right now. She’s co-starring in an upcoming reality TV show with her crazy-ass mother, which Lindsay Lohan is basically refusing to participate in, so the thing’s gonna crash and burn. She’s kinda-sorta thinking about releasing an album, which will fail if it ever gets made, and — to top it all off — she might audition for High School Musical 3! Jesus. Christ. You’ve just described the life of every 14-year-old in the greater Los Angeles area. Honestly, I think that’s how most agents are pitching themselves to the under-20 crowd these days. “I might be able to get you an audition for High School Musical 3!” Let’s just put Ali’s name on an Emmy right now.

And then let’s talk about this: “Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph, and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

Yes, exactly, Ali. What you need to start doing at this age is formulating a sense of self-worth based entirely on the misguided feelings of people who never have and never will meet you. At 14, it’s important to be viewed as larger-than-life — deified, almost — by total strangers. That way, when what you feel inside doesn’t even begin to compare with the image the public has created for you, you can have a total meltdown by age 17 and become a raging, self-destructive alcoholic. It’s all worked out so well for Lindsay. I can imagine why you’d want the same.

Take a hint from Jamie-Lynn, Ali — just get knocked up and move on with your life.