If you’d been previously uncertain as to the definition of the word ennui, here it is: Lindsay and Ali Lohan observing an animal rights parade from the balcony of their hotel room in Paris. It is just so tiresome to be rich and famous and stuck in a five-star hotel in Paris with nothing to do but watch a bunch of people scream in French about some silly chickens. Le sigh.

Someone attempted to penetrate the walls of Lindsay Lohan’s Hollywood Hills home on Tuesday. In contrast to the many attempts to penetrate the walls of her vagina, this one failed.

“It was an attempted burglary,” spokeswoman Karen Reyner said. “No property was taken and no one was home at the time of the incident.”

It was her home’s alarm system that notified police of a potential break-in and, when they arrived, officers found evidence that someone had been in the house. Per TMZ, there were pry marks on a back door and a window showed signs of tampering.

Meanwhile, a source close to the matter tells E! News that a “person of interest” in the case is a man who is said to have been stalking and making threats against Lohan.

That man is, of course, Charlotte Ronson.

Seriously, though, Lindsay’s safe as a clam in its shell, as she’s currently cavorting around Paris with kid sis Ali, who really ought to be in school, or, at the very least, recording her caterwauling safely within the soundproof walls of a studio booth. Here’s some shots of them shopping at Balmain today.

La Lohan — sporting a tiny little top and a weird-ass glove — arrived at LAX with sis Ali today.

Oh, Lindsay.

You’re so cool.

Dina Lohan wants us to be nice to her for Mother’s Day.  I make no Promises.  Promises…get it?  The place where all Dina’s kids will eventually go to sober up.

America’s favorite Mom talked to People about the harsh and unearned criticism she is confronted with.  “We just wish people would leave us alone-at least for Mother’s Day!”  Yes, Dina.  I’m so sure you wish to be left alone.  And what better way to be left alone than to attend every high profile Hollywood event that you can get yourself into?

Despite reports that Lohan tries to get her fifteen-year-old into clubs, she also is making sure little Ali is getting an education.  Ali is in a home-schooling program.  She has never been pulled out of school.  It’s the same home-schooling program that Lindsay was in since the tenth grade. It’s a wonderful program that many celebrities are enrolled in.”  Wait-a home-schooling program that Lindsay participated in?  I wonder what type of grades Ali will pull in Joint Rolling 102 and Introduction to Cocaine.

Other than that, Ali is recording an album and working on a clothing line-perhaps a compliment to Lindsay’s leggings.  Personally, I wish they’d all just get started on their handbag lines and Lifetime movie careers.

Wanna know how you can be sure Lindsay Lohan’s wasted? I’ll pause here while you all respond “She’s breathing?” No, no, you can tell Lindsay Lohan’s wasted because she does these stupid poses on the red carpet. Sober Lindsay is a red carpet superstar — every pose, every camera glance is a total win. When she’s wasted she does this same dumb stuff and it just looks ridiculous. It’s always a dead giveaway.

Here’s wasted Lohan with sis Ali at a Teen.com party in Hollywood on Monday night.

Oh, and Us Weekly has a piece today about how Lindsay’s abusing Adderall. Tomorrow I hear they’re running pieces about how the Dodgers are a baseball team and Richard Simmons prefers sex with dudes.

Some stellar shots of Lindsay, sis Aliana and their friends relaxing in the Hawaiian sun this weekend.

How high do you think Lindsay was when she did that spray-on tan? It’s practically a Rorschach test. (Side note: I think this is the first time in my life I spelled ‘Rorschach’ correctly on the first try. Applaud me.)

Let’s play a game here: What do you see in the inkblots of Lindsay’s spray tan?

Just on her head, though. And her pubes, but that’s not what this story is about.

As women, when we split up with our significant other, our initial thought is to change our hair. I don’t know why. It’s actually my gut reaction to any major event in my life that leaves me feeling out of control. I decide I need a new me to handle it. And that new me needs to have a different hairstyle. Britney took it a step or eight (razor blades) too far, but I suppose that if the craziest thing Lindsay does this week is walk into a reputable hair salon and leave with dark red hair, everyone comes out a winner, except for tabloid news.

Linds and Aliana were spotted leaving Byron and Tracey salon yesterday, showing off Lindsay’s new look to the paps. Dude, at least she has her sister at her side right now. Ali’s probably got more sense in that teenaged head of hers than either of their parents.

What do we think of the new look?