Father of the Year Alec Baldwin poses with his girlfriend, Nicole Seidel, at a charity bowling event in NYC.

Hopefully he’s infertile!

Honestly this is a huge cheapshot… but what the hell, I haven’t written for the Beet in weeks and I know everyone misses my particular brand of spite. How do I know? Letters… telegrams.. and that one airplane skywriting message that truly went above and beyond.

ENGLEWOOD, Fla. (AP) — Alec Baldwin wants Floridians to be more aware of the plight of manatees. The actor and producer has recorded two 30-second public service announcements for the Save the Manatee Club. The animals are on the federal endangered species list and at risk of being seriously injured or killed by boat strikes.

I really don’t have a joke other than to say that Manatees have done their level best, via evolution, to go extinct. They swim around two miles per hour, on the surface of the water, and they weigh a jillion pounds each. So motor boats pick them off like deer on a highway. Also, they are also called “sea cows” – I think, so this is totally not a jab at the Manatee by this guy. If it were up to me I’d ban motor boats and the beer guzzling yahoos that pilot them.

It’s actually all kind of sad, and I imagine if the manatee were cuter it would get starlets excited about saving it. As it stands it only gets a gravelly voice guy who occasionally loses his temper on the phone.

After StupidThoughtlessLittlePigGate and splitting from his agency (and then crawling back), Alec Baldwin stated on The View that he would not be returning to his hit show (and the thing keeping Aaron Sorkin up at night since he quit smoking crack), 30 Rock. “If I never acted again, I couldn’t care less,” he said.

Baldwin’s 30 Rock contract pretty much assured he’d be coming back, but Tina Fey said in a recent interview that if he comes back, it will be because he wants to.

“I was on vacation so I didn’t actually see him on ‘The View,’” Fey said. “It was my one week of vacation this year, and that went down. I figured, I’m going to let all the talking happen and see what the actual action is, and the action is, he’s going to be at work. No one’s going to make him do it under duress.”

When asked about Baldwin’s famous temper, Fey responded that “thankfully, my relationship with him is solely professional and I have not had to deal with that at all.”

Via Page Six:

HEARING the enraged voicemail message from Alec Baldwin to his daughter brought a flood of bad memories back to the man who first introduced the “30 Rock” star to Kim Basinger on the set of 1991’s doomed “The Marrying Man.” “It all kind of brings it to the surface again for me personally,” said David Permut, producer of more than 20 movies, whose latest, “Charlie Bartlett” with Robert Downey Jr., just premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival. “If I were homeless on the streets and had a tin cup in my hand and somebody pulled me off the sidewalk and offered me a script to produce with Alec Baldwin committed to starring in it, I’d pass.” While “The Marrying Man” was a flop, it achieved legendary status because of Baldwin’s expensive flare-ups with Disney executives, which included wall-smashing, cellphone-destroying and chair-throwing. Reflecting on the star’s current critical success on NBC, Permut told The Post’s Mandy Stadtmiller, “When he plays a no-good [bleep], he excels. My personal feeling is that when he has to portray anybody with some vulnerability and sensitivity, I don’t think the audience buys it.”

In the wake of StupidThoughtlessLittlePig-Gate, Alec Baldwin has begun making the talk-show rounds to apologize for calling his 11-year-old daughter names clearly intented for his ex-wife on her voicemail. He started things off today with a pre-taped interview airing on The View, where he manages to kinda-sorta apologize for turning his anger toward Kim Basinger on his daughter and plug his website at the very same time (video here). Now that’s talent!

Said Baldwin, “Obviously, calling your child a pig or anything else is improper and inappropriate and I apologize to my daughter for that. There’s nothing wrong with being frustrated or angry about the situation. It’s the way you do it, and as people often do in this world, I took it out on the wrong person.”

The embattled actor recently split from his agents at CAA, and the rumor mill is now reporting that he bailed because CAA also represents FunnyOrDie.com, which put together a (hilarious!) video of Alec Baldwin’s voicemail addressed to Dora the Explorer. (FunnyOrDie.com is also responsible for the infamous Will-Ferrell-and-the-Drunken-Two-Year-Old-Landlord video, which has been quite the viral hit.)

What? This is all absolutely in the stapler’s best interest. But CAA plans to hire a bodyguard for themselves and the stapler. Just in case … there are photographers around.

Alec left Creative Artists Agency on Monday. CAA had repped him since 2002, placing him in The Departed, The Aviator, Will & Grace, and 30 Rock. Talk about crap agents … I guess they failed to place him in a state of mind in which calling his 11-year-old daughter a “rude, thoughtless little pig” was in any way acceptable behavior.

“This is strictly for personal reasons,” said Baldwin’s publicist Matthew Hiltzik. “It has absolutely nothing to do with his extremely talented agents who’ve done great work with Alec.”

[via Defamer, where they're serious enough about this stuff to read the L.A. Times each and every day]

If anyone knows what it feels like to have an entire country gang up on you, it’s Heather Mills. So perhaps it’s no surprise that she came to Alec Baldwin’s defense on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning. Seacrest asked the Dancing with the Stars contestant what her thoughts were on Baldwin’s most regrettable voicemail ever. “It is wrong to speak to your daughter like that,” she said, “but I am not someone to go, ‘Ooh, that is terrible, and we are all perfect, it’s all wonderful.’”

“I would never speak to my daughter like that, but what you have got to remember is that his daughter lives with Kim [Basinger, Baldwin's ex-wife], and we have no idea what goes [on] behind closed doors,” she continued. “I respect Kim, I respect Alec for his incredible Animal Rights Campaign, and we have no idea what’s going on … You know when you love somebody and it is your only child, people lose it. Forgive him. Don’t throw stones at glass houses. We are not here to judge and criticize what other people do unless you are a saint. And none of us are a saint.”

Basinger was photographed this weekend out in L.A. with daughter/rude, thoughtless little pig Ireland, and a bodyguard who may or may not be Philip Banks. Pics after the jump.

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