Interviewers never ask the right questions.

Some jackass from the Calgary Herald actually got Dave Coulier talking about his relationship with Alanis Morissette — and didn’t even ask him how the oral sex in the movie theater was!

That’s the only thing people want to know!

Here’s what she did get out of him:

Yes, Coulier dated Alanis Morissette and it looks like she talked about their breakup in her bitter song You Oughta Know. Coulier was driving when he first heard it. “I said, ‘Wow, this girl is angry.’ And then I said, ‘Oh man, I think it’s Alanis.’ . . . I listened to the song over and over again, and I said, ‘I think I have really hurt this person.’ I tried to contact her and I finally got a hold of her. And at the same time, the press was calling and saying, ‘You want to comment on this song?’ I called her and I said, ‘Hi. Uh, what do you want me to say?’ And she said, ‘You can say whatever you want.’ We saw each other and hung out for an entire day. And it was beautiful. It was one of those things where it was kind of like, ‘We’re good.’ “

I still can’t get over the fact that Alanis dated Uncle Joey.

Anyway.

Dave claims he still plays golf with the Olsen twins’ father. “I still play golf with Mary Kate and Ashley’s dad, Dave Olsen. It is amazing to see where they’ve gone in their lives. . . . Every time I see them it’s like, ‘My kids!’”

Heh. I’m sure I’ve told this story on this blog before, but it bears repeating. Dave used to do (maybe still does?) stand-up in LA fairly often. He did a set at a comedy club in LA one night, and afterwards he hit up Sangria, the bar across the street, where I just happened to be drinking heavily. Someone pointed him out to me, and I was like “Oh my God!” and then I ran right up to him and screamed in his face: “Uncle Joey!!!!” He looked me up and down and was like “Mary-Kate? Is that you?” Now, I’m sure he uses this line on blonde chicks in clubs all the time, but I thought it was freakin’ hilarious. (Did I mention I was drunk?)

In a new interview with People, Alanis opens up about a phase in her life where she was all about the ladies. She also confirms that she does, in fact, have a new boyfriend, although she doesn’t talk much about him.

Thinking back to your kiss with Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City, did you ever think, “Screw men, I’m going to date a woman”?
Yeah! I went through my experimental stage in my 20s where I was loving women up. I actually think it’s a rite of passage, [but] there’s some great growth and healing for me in dating a man.

Tell us about the new man in your life.
Everything is slower and much gentler. Really it’s less about who shows up and more about where I am.

You’re 34. Do you still want kids?
I always imagined having kids in my late 30s. I’m in no rush.

Eh, look, I’m all about one’s right to “love up” whomever one wants, but I don’t know that hooking up with chicks is necessarily a “rite of passage.” Sometimes I think Alanis just spouts out deep-sounding words without ever really thinking about what they actually mean, or whether or not her statement is true. It annoys me.

Well, Leo and I are safely in NYC, checked into our gorgeous hotel room in Chelsea, where Leo promptly pooped in front of the bellhop and then knocked his food bowl all over the room. I was like, “Uh, he’s not normally like this …” He was pretty quiet on the plane flight but I think the whole thing has been stressful for him. Maybe he just misses the cats, ha ha!

Anyway I was thrilled to find this clip of Alanis Morissette on Howard Stern. She won’t go so far as to actually talk shit about Ryan Reynolds, but there’s certainly the implication that she thinks he’s a worthless piece of shit. You know, I kind of like how this whole thing has really knocked Alanis down a peg. I was getting really sick of her whole “I’m so spiritual and life is beautiful and don’t you wish you were this spiritual?” act. She admits herself in this interview that the whole thing worked great in philosophy but not so hot in practice. But she’s much easier to listen to in interviews now that she seems to have realized that she’s every bit as human as anybody else.

Check out the video for Alanis’ new song, “Underneath.”

I’m not crazy about it … what do you guys think?

Since her ex Ryan Reynolds has begun blogging for the Huffington Post (and I won’t get into this in much detail, but his stuff is so overwritten and irrelevant and annoying — we get it, Ryan. You know big words and you’re a famous actor. Big props to you, buddy.), Perez has offered Alanis an opportunity to blog for him!

We’d like to offer Alanis Morissette her own little online outlet to talk about whatever she wants.

Write an essay for us!

Alanis writing for Perez!!!!! I love it. Come on, Alanis. After So-Called Chaos, you owe us.

Also, this is the slowest news day ever.

Hilary Duff’s new single is pretty addicting. Kind of like Vicodin. When you’re Nicole Richie. [popbytes]

Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds must have received the letters I’ve been writing them, begging that the natural order of the universe be restored, and that Ryan Reynolds genes of total hotness not be mixed with Alanis’s weird pear-shaped ones. They’ve split up. [Hollywood Grind]

I hate covering stories that involve Katie Holmes talking. [Defamer]

Fuckin’ Lindsay Lohan. [The Blemish, The Superficial]

Fuckin’ Lindsay Lohan’s mom. [Hollyscoop]

Yes, we have pictures of Denise Richards’ labia. This is very good news for Heather Locklear in the maintenance and improvement of the voo-doo doll. [The Superficial]