Adriana Lima used to be my “one.” And I don’t mean “one” in the sense Jack Donaghy meant it on that episode of 30 Rock a few weeks ago. I mean the “one” as in the answer to the question straight people like to ask each other when the party is winding down, they’ve had too much to drink to be able to go to sleep right away, and there is nothing but 1970’s reruns of Soul Train on TV. That is, “Who would you swap teams for?”
For one friend, the answer to that question (his “one”) was David Bowie– which is questionable because David Bowie is not really on anyone’s team, except maybe Iggy Pop’s.
But my “one” was Adriana Lima. I’ve been getting the Victoria’s Secret catalog since I was 17 years old and have always been intrigued by the sultry brunette with the pouty lips.
Lately however, every time I’ve seen her she’s been less and less attractive. It’s not as if she looks terrible. It’s just that she doesn’t look nearly as sexy as she used to. I can’t quite put my finger on it. She just always looks disheveled. It’s as if there is just something– her hair, her makeup, her posture– that is a little off each time, like a functioning alcoholic struggling to keep her appearance up.
What you see above is what was left of her when she attended the launch of Victoria’s Secret’s new Noir collection this Saturday in New York. In the gallery, you can also see a hilarious picture of her trying to look sexy with a very unhappy pussy.
I’m going to have to find a new “one.”
