Sandler’s reps have issued a statement saying he broke his ankle playing basketball this weekend.

You’re not getting any younger, buddy!

Clearly, I love when celebs say stupid things - why else why I be filling in for her majesty, Ms. Evil Beet, this week? Thankfully the gossip gods rewarded me this morning with something fun, right about here.

Let’s break this thing down.

Adam Sandler: Stop Picking on Tom Cruise

Already I’m excited and tingly.

“To see anyone’s private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening,” Adam Sandler tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement.

Hmm, you know, I almost sort of agree with this statement. However, I’ve got to wonder, why folks aren’t invading Adam’s life? Could it be because he doesn’t go on TV as a mouthpiece for his religion? Just a thought.

Earlier this month, Andrew Morton’s scathing biography of Cruise hit shelves; meanwhile, a pro-Scientology video starring the actor hit the Internet and became the butt of jokes.

Dude, that video is INSANE. It is insane in the membrane. You simply must laugh at that, there is no other rational response. Oh, and someone wrote a book? Okay. These things tend to happen when you pull down $20m a film and run a studio.

Actually, you know what, let’s do a little test here. Ready? Go!

What do you know about Will Smith and/or Tom Hanks? When is the last paparazzi shot you saw of him? How many times has he gone on The Today show saying psychiatrists are the enemy? How many times has he bashed Brooke Shields? If you answered 1) Not much 2) I don’t recall 3) Zero and 4) Never you win! That’s right guys, you can actually be a major star in this universe AND not become the butt of jokes. How do you do it? Maintain some sense of privacy and admit that you may not have the final word on all things spirituality. Sheesh.

The drivel continues:

But many of Cruise’s friends and colleagues are not laughing. Dustin Hoffman, Cruise’s Rain Man co-star, tells PEOPLE: “Tom Cruise is an American and has the right to freedom of speech and freedom of religion.”

I love that they credit Rain Man which came out around 1975. Nice pull. Also, and I’m going to put this in CAPS because it really is crucial to this discussion:

NO ONE HAS TAKEN AWAY TOM’S RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH OR RELIGION.

I mean really. Dustin, no way are you that stupid. You can’t be. You only fly Quantas airlines. The fact of the matter is we’re all using our freedom of speech to point out that, at this moment, Tom Cruise is one scary dude. But as far as I know nobody has shown up and demanded he put down the Scientology pipe. You have a right to say whatever you like and everyone else has the right to ignore/ridicule you.

“Imagine having a baby and people talking about it the way they did,” says Stiller. “People lose sight of the fact that Tom Cruise is actually a person. I feel for him.”

What do you know about Ben Stiller? Nada? Yes, that’s because he hasn’t preached to you. It’s weird how people become uncomfortable with others using their fame in matters of faith. Would it be hard to be Tommy right now? Probably so. But if he just wanted to live a normal private life he could have easily done that. Instead he’s chosen to project that he has the moral highground on matters of God and religion.

Plus, no offense, he turned Katie Holmes into a robot which was SUPER uncool.

I really liked her.

**Update**
As commenter Snow Ball mentions; I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Click sucked on wheels. So you watch yourself Adam.

Seriously, how often does a WireImage photog just show up on the set of an Adam Sandler movie on the same day that his wife and kid are there?

Okay, you guys don’t look through every photo on WireImage like three times a day, so trust me when I say this is really random.

In the aftermath of rumors earlier this week that there was trouble in Sandler-dise, Adam’s wife Jackie and their one-year-old daughter, Sadie, showed up on the NYC set of You Don’t Mess with the Zohan to pose adorably together and there just happened to be an internationally syndicated photo service there! Now that’s comedic timing!

Funnyman Adam Sandler marries Kevin James in the summer hit I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, but it’s possible his real-life marriage is falling apart.

According to the NY Daily News, Adam’s been spotted around town sans wedding ring recently. First, a spy reports seeing the bare finger at Tao in Manhattan on Thursday, where Sandler was out partying with the guys. And Sandler was ringless again in East Hampton on Saturday at a Dave Matthews show.

Sandler’s been married to his wife, Jackie, since 2003, and the couple had a baby girl last May. His rep firmly denies the allegations, saying that “he is filming a movie in New York. Perhaps that is why he hasn’t been wearing his ring.” Adam has, indeed, been in New York, filming You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (are they just naming movies by pulling letters out of hats now?), but no one’s accusing him of taking off his wedding ring on set. What kind of an excuse is that? Adam has some explaining to do.

Eagle-eyed Beet reader Anna emails us advising we check out the Library of America Collection on Amazon.com. This $4000 compilation of classic gems of Americana includes the complete novels of William Faulker (in five volumes), the reportage of World War II and Vietnam and the writings of our revered Founding Fathers.

The good folks at Amazon.com always take the time to include a “Better Together” recommended companion product for your intended purchase.

So, what does Amazon.com suggest you pick up to perfectly complement these “authoritative, unabridged texts?”

Why, that other celebrated contribution to classic Americana: Adam Sandler in Click.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Beet out.