Here it is, kids! After watching the entire thing, I’m mostly disappointed that nobody simulated oral sex.

In seriousness, though, this is going to be a rough and fascinating road. I’ve heard the whole album — I’ve been listening to it for a week, actually — and it’s brilliant. But this country’s never really had an openly gay pop star, and Adam is making calculated choices to push the door wide open; he’s being a flamboyant openly gay pop star, so that people can come in later and be milder openly gay pop stars and take considerably less heat for it. He’s going to make unpopular and perhaps even uncouth decisions, and he’s going to take unending amounts of shit for it, and it’s going to be a rocky road. Thus far — and it’s early still — he’s maneuvered through it with a lot of grace. But make no mistake about it — he’s made a conscious decision to put himself way, way out there as a target, so this country can exhaust its “righteous” ammo on him and, in the future, be more comfortable with a gay pop star who, perhaps, doesn’t thrust his backup dancer’s face against his penis on live national television. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to do that, to put yourself out there as that person and to take that heat day in and day out, but I have a feeling it will be worth it in the end. Thank you, Adam.

Adam Lambert is doing it right.  Everyone is still talking about his controversial American Music Awards performance.  It was expected that all the citizens that bitch every time a nipple is shown on TV would be outraged, but even Good Morning America gave him the ax.  And when there is a scandal, people buy.

Though Adam was scheduled to perform on the morning news show today, his appearance was promptly canceled following Sunday night’s display.  Per an ABC spokesperson, “Given his controversial American Music Awards performance, we were concerned about airing a similar concert so early in the morning.”  Now, I don’t know what GMA execs were expecting, but obviously they haven’t listened to the lyrics of “For Your Entertainment.”  Let’s review:

So hot
Out the box
Can we pick up the pace?
Turn it up,
Heat it up
I need to be entertained
Push the limit
Are you with it?
Baby, don’t be afraid
I’ma hurt ‘ya real good, baby

Let’s go
It’s my show
Baby, do what I say
Don’t trip off the glitz
That I’m gonna display
I told ya
I’ma hold ya down until you’re amazed
Give it to ya ’til your screaming my name

No escaping when I start
Once I’m in I own your heart
There’s no way you’ll ring the alarm
So hold on until it’s over

Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment

Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
‘Ya fallen angel swept ya off ya feet
Well I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here for your entertainment

It’s alright
You’ll be fine
Baby, I’m in control
Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I’m the master of both
Close your eyes
Not your mind
Let me into your soul
I’ma work ya ’til your totally blown

No escaping when I start
Once I’m in I own your heart
There’s no way ‘ta ring the alarm
So hold on until it’s over

Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment

Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
‘Ya fallen angel swept ya off your feet
Well I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here for your entertainment

Oh oh…mmmm
Entertainment…
Oh oh…..Oh entertainment…
I’m here for your entertainment…

Oooohhh…..
Do you like what you see?
Wooooaaaahhhh……
Let me entertain ya ’till you screeaaam

Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment

Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet (bet ya thought)
‘Ya fallen angel swept ya off your feet
Well I’m about to turn up the heat (turn up the heat)
I’m here for your entertainment

Adam Lambert has obviously decided that his angle for securing water cooler conversation status is to be “scandalous.”  Listen, I don’t care if Adam wants to parade around stage, forcing men’s mouths to his crotch or giving some chick a simulated fisting on live television.  I survived Madonna’s Sex book — remember?

You know what I do find offensive?  Adam Lambert singing outside the confines of a recording studio that can control the racket that comes out of his mouth.  Seriously, props to Adam for singing live and not Britneying it at the American Music Awards last night, but in the immortal words of my favorite American Idol judge, “That was a little pitchy for me, man.”

Adam Lambert’s debut album, For Your Entertainment, drops next week, and early reviews are in, and they’re awesome.

Says the Associated Press:

This vocal chameleon can be all things to all listeners, and he kills at whatever he sings. Lambert is equally adept at hard rock, pop, disco, and power ballads, often blending ingredients of several in a single track to produce unforgettable results.

The LA Times is less blatantly enamored, but still positive:

“For Your Entertainment” is a polished affair, but stylistically, it shows Lambert running loose like a kid in a Comme des Garçons store. With the Hollywood pop A-list at his disposal, he chose to go for it all: The only names missing from his list of collaborators are those firmly in the R&B camp (wouldn’t it be great if he worked with fellow drama club type Ne-Yo?) The results on “FYE” are inevitably mixed, but never a bummer; Lambert’s deft enough to avoid getting stuck in any one of the tropes he explores.

And Lady Gaga’s latest album, The Fame Monster, is streaming on Rhapsody for a full week before its store release. I’ve been listening to it like a freakin’ crack addict. I just love her and think she’s so immensely talented. If loving Lady Gaga is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. You can learn more and and listen to the album for yourself here. (Rhapsody actually gets a ton of albums a week before anyone else — you can find out who’s coming up on their exclusives list here.)

You’ve made your judgments on the cover art, now what do you think about the title track?

The line “Don’t trip off the bits that I’m gonna display” made me giggle because I have the mature sense of humor of a tweener in health class when the teacher says “penis.”

The cover of Adam Lambert’s upcoming record was released today and… um… Woah. That’s some sparkly shit right there. That’s some really amazingly glittery, fabulous, Photoshopped stuff.

As for the album itself, I’m sure it’s not going to disappoint Lambert fans and American Idol die hards… but can you believe that album cover? Somewhere across the pond Elton John is looking at that thing and thinking that he needs to step his homo game up. Good lord.

American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert granted a pretty lengthy interview to Details magazine in which he dished every detail about losing his virginity (he was 21), his drug use (he did a lot) and where he’s headed now (fame, baby).

I’ve been reading about Ram Dass — he wrote “Be Here Now” — lately.  He received real clarity about his life and its direction after using ’shrooms and LSD.  Turns out, Adam had a similar experience with acid.  I am getting some of those hallucinogens as soon as I possibly can!

He fell into a depression sometime in 2006. “I got out of my first relationship, and I was kinda downward–spirally,” he says. “I was destructive . . . just numbing myself out.” He started partying at nightclubs like Hyde and sleeping around a bit—or as he describes it, “being a slutbag.” He was also drinking, “smoking a shit ton of weed,” and doing coke. “It was everywhere,” he says. “And I’m not gonna lie, I had some fun, but it’s never worth it the next couple of days physically.”

In 2007, he was cast in the chorus of the national tour of Wicked and finally making enough money to support himself—about $1,800 a week. “But I was burned out on the show,” he says. “Wicked was humbling; I was an understudy. I didn’t get to go on all that much.”

That summer, on a spiritual quest of sorts, he went to the Burning Man Festival in the Nevada desert. While on acid for the first time, he says, “I had a spiritual epiphany about the world and where I fit into it and what I am supposed to be doing. And my epiphany was, like, I can’t be afraid anymore. I have to take life by the balls and make shit happen.”

That epiphany is what led him to audition for American Idol upon returning from his trip.  Kinda throws that “Just Say ‘No’ to Drugs” theory out the window.

During a recent stop on the American Idol tour, singer Adam Lambert had a dildo thrown at him by an audience member while (ironically) performing a cover of “A Whole Lotta Love.”

Unfazed, the Idol singer– who has had handcuffs, whips, and bras thrown at him in the past– kicked the dildo right in its junk and sent it skittering back into the crowd.

He later told reporters, “I’m glad it was a soft material and wasn’t anything hard. I’m not really into S&M, but it’s definitely tempting.”

If you can sit through the seizure-inducing opening of the above video, you’ll see the fallus fly at about 2:15.

“You just have to realize who the governor is and who the little puppy is. This kid’s great he’s a got a lot of talent. He doesn’t really have a rock’n’roll voice…he should be the singer in Queen or be on Broadway, but mostly he should shut up about his sexual preferences. Me, America and the rest of the world doesn’t really care. I mean if the story becomes ‘I prefer farm animals to…’, who cares? Be quiet about what you do indoors and go out there and sing.”

Gene Simmons talking to FOX Philadelphia about how Adam Lambert needs to shut up about his sexual orientation and how he needs to figure out his place in the pecking order of rock stars. 

Incidentally, who thinks Gene Simmons needs to shut up?  I’m raising my hand here.

Yeah, yeah…I couldn’t believe it either. 

The newest issue of Rolling Stone is hitting the newsstands this week as well as the astounding announcement that has shocked the nation:  American Idol runner up Adam Lambert is not straight.  So with the one sentence that everyone has been waiting to hear, “I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay,” may I now continue with my business of searching for the perfect mascara and not caring about Adam Lambert’s obvious orientation?

Other bombshell stories expected to be reported this week include, “Grass is Green,” and “Megan Fox is Stupid.”

It’s summer, and we’re ready for some new celebrities. That must be why People released this list of “5 Things to Know About Adam Lambert’s Boyfriend Pal Drake LaBry,” along with a link to his YouTube page, which documents his travel around Europe. (A clip of him talking is above.)

Fascinating stuff, y’all.

Someone’s not waiting for his “Yes, I’m Gay!” cover of People. Adam Lambert left a Hollywood club last night hand-in-hand with his boyfriend, Drake LaBry. (Real name or not? I’ll let you guys guess at that.)

Drake is very pretty, although personally I could do without the moustache. But I guess Adam’s into that!

I kind of like that Adam didn’t buy into all the hype about having to “clarify” his sexuality. Do heterosexuals have to go on the record saying that they’re straight? Of course not. You’ve never seen a “Yes I’m Hetero!” magazine cover featuring Paris Hilton grabbing Doug Reinhardt’s crotch. (Note to self: That would a funny Photoshop). Instead Adam is choosing to just living openly as a man who dates men, which is a very awesome alternative to making some big press stink about it like one’s sexual orientation needs to be justified to the press or to Perez Hilton.