You’ve made your judgments on the cover art, now what do you think about the title track?

The line “Don’t trip off the bits that I’m gonna display” made me giggle because I have the mature sense of humor of a tweener in health class when the teacher says “penis.”

The cover of Adam Lambert’s upcoming record was released today and… um… Woah. That’s some sparkly shit right there. That’s some really amazingly glittery, fabulous, Photoshopped stuff.

As for the album itself, I’m sure it’s not going to disappoint Lambert fans and American Idol die hards… but can you believe that album cover? Somewhere across the pond Elton John is looking at that thing and thinking that he needs to step his homo game up. Good lord.

American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert granted a pretty lengthy interview to Details magazine in which he dished every detail about losing his virginity (he was 21), his drug use (he did a lot) and where he’s headed now (fame, baby).

I’ve been reading about Ram Dass — he wrote “Be Here Now” — lately.  He received real clarity about his life and its direction after using ’shrooms and LSD.  Turns out, Adam had a similar experience with acid.  I am getting some of those hallucinogens as soon as I possibly can!

He fell into a depression sometime in 2006. “I got out of my first relationship, and I was kinda downward–spirally,” he says. “I was destructive . . . just numbing myself out.” He started partying at nightclubs like Hyde and sleeping around a bit—or as he describes it, “being a slutbag.” He was also drinking, “smoking a shit ton of weed,” and doing coke. “It was everywhere,” he says. “And I’m not gonna lie, I had some fun, but it’s never worth it the next couple of days physically.”

In 2007, he was cast in the chorus of the national tour of Wicked and finally making enough money to support himself—about $1,800 a week. “But I was burned out on the show,” he says. “Wicked was humbling; I was an understudy. I didn’t get to go on all that much.”

That summer, on a spiritual quest of sorts, he went to the Burning Man Festival in the Nevada desert. While on acid for the first time, he says, “I had a spiritual epiphany about the world and where I fit into it and what I am supposed to be doing. And my epiphany was, like, I can’t be afraid anymore. I have to take life by the balls and make shit happen.”

That epiphany is what led him to audition for American Idol upon returning from his trip.  Kinda throws that “Just Say ‘No’ to Drugs” theory out the window.

During a recent stop on the American Idol tour, singer Adam Lambert had a dildo thrown at him by an audience member while (ironically) performing a cover of “A Whole Lotta Love.”

Unfazed, the Idol singer– who has had handcuffs, whips, and bras thrown at him in the past– kicked the dildo right in its junk and sent it skittering back into the crowd.

He later told reporters, “I’m glad it was a soft material and wasn’t anything hard. I’m not really into S&M, but it’s definitely tempting.”

If you can sit through the seizure-inducing opening of the above video, you’ll see the fallus fly at about 2:15.

“You just have to realize who the governor is and who the little puppy is. This kid’s great he’s a got a lot of talent. He doesn’t really have a rock’n’roll voice…he should be the singer in Queen or be on Broadway, but mostly he should shut up about his sexual preferences. Me, America and the rest of the world doesn’t really care. I mean if the story becomes ‘I prefer farm animals to…’, who cares? Be quiet about what you do indoors and go out there and sing.”

Gene Simmons talking to FOX Philadelphia about how Adam Lambert needs to shut up about his sexual orientation and how he needs to figure out his place in the pecking order of rock stars. 

Incidentally, who thinks Gene Simmons needs to shut up?  I’m raising my hand here.

Yeah, yeah…I couldn’t believe it either. 

The newest issue of Rolling Stone is hitting the newsstands this week as well as the astounding announcement that has shocked the nation:  American Idol runner up Adam Lambert is not straight.  So with the one sentence that everyone has been waiting to hear, “I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay,” may I now continue with my business of searching for the perfect mascara and not caring about Adam Lambert’s obvious orientation?

Other bombshell stories expected to be reported this week include, “Grass is Green,” and “Megan Fox is Stupid.”

It’s summer, and we’re ready for some new celebrities. That must be why People released this list of “5 Things to Know About Adam Lambert’s Boyfriend Pal Drake LaBry,” along with a link to his YouTube page, which documents his travel around Europe. (A clip of him talking is above.)

Fascinating stuff, y’all.