Just When You Thought this Gosselin Shit Couldn’t Get Any Weirder …
July 22nd, 2009 by Evil Beet
… Michael Lohan is involved.
Yes, that Michael Lohan. You know he’s been salivating from the start of this, trying to figure out how best to exploit Jon’s naivete and worm himself into this story. Mission accomplished!
Yes, we all know that Jon Gosselin took Hailey Glassman to France last week, but this week he has a new girl on her arm. She’s Kate Majors, a reporter for Star, which wasted absolutely no time in getting her to confess to their coupledom. “I didn’t mean it to happen, it just did,” she says. “I went to do a story on Jon and ended up falling for him.”
My Lord, Kate Majors, your romantic life jumped straight off a porn set, drove from Malibu to New York in shiny-ass Cadillac, and bumped right into you, didn’t it? Wait … is that why your face looks that way?
And now, enter from stage left, Michael Lohan, who invited the twosome to chill with him at his place in the Hamptons on Wednesday. And Jon Gosselin, who is clearly uninterested in consulting with any professionals as regards his “image” or “career” or “future court dates,” accepted. He took the little girl to the Hamptons with MICHAEL LOHAN.
“Jon is a friend, he’s a great guy, he needed a place to get away to, and my doors were open to him and Kate Major,” Lohan says. “Jon and Kate [Major] are good friends of mine. She’s with him. Kate’s like a daughter to me. When she needed a place my doors were open.”
OMG. I don’t even want to think about the relationship Kate Major may have had with Michael Lohan before any of this went down. In fact, now I’m thinking it may have been Michael Lohan who instructed Kate Major to hook up with Jon and then take him to the Hamptons, so that Michael Lohan could become a part of this story. It’s just plain crazy.
Really, though, this plot has turned out so much better than anything I could have scripted, and I have a feeling it’ll continue to blossom beautifully. I mean, if Michael Lohan’s involved, you know Lindsay and Paris can’t be far behind. Come on, Universe. I’m asking nicely.
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Wow.
This is how it all went down in my mind. He thought his relationship with Hallie was “non-exclusive” so it would be cool to have a girl on the side/weekend fling with blonde chick from Star. He does like blondes after all. Then she invites him to the Hamptons so she can get in on the shit show. So he thinks, what the hell? A free trip to the Hamptons, why not? Then Michael Lohan wants a piece and is all like, ‘yeah, I’ve done a ton of stuff with Star and blonde chick is a total bff, didn’t you know that?’.
Doesn’t want to be in the spotlight my ass.
And she’s called KATE :D
Where the FUCK have I been??? Living my life, going out with my boy toy, chillin with friends. what a waste of fucking time!!!! I cannot believe I missed out on this gossip. Pleeeeeeease some network, any network, get Jon a reality show stat. Im a vulture. I want to watch this train wreck. Soooooo funny. Im am laughing soooooo hard. Michael Lohan and a New KATE???? Are you for real???????? Next he hooks up with Lindsay, comes out of the closet, gets a sex change and finally repents and becomes a born again christian.
I think he already is a born again Christian… :s
Not sure… He and Kate talked about their Christianity on the show and about going to church sometimes… :/
I’m sure his family was religious, like Kate’s family.
I don’t believe they are born again. From what I know they are nondenominational Christians and attended the Assembly of God church while on the show. I think Jon was raised Catholic too.
Whatever denomination of christian he is, he needs to be a mormom and have multiple wives to have more multiples with then he can have the reality tv version of Big Love. Cha ching! Now why doesnt he hire me to advise him???
Well, the good news is TLC doesn’t have to end Jon & Kate, all they need to do is replace old Kate with new Kate.
I can’t believe any woman with an ounce of self respect would touch Jon Gosslin’s peen unless death was the only other choice you had, really – a man with 8 kids who looks like that – has no job, and acts like he’s hasn’t got a care in the world and barely sees his kids. It’s got to be about the money because let’s face that man has zero sex appeal, and 8 KIDS!
The most shocking thing about this story is Micheal Lohan can afford a house in the Hamptons!
I guess losers have some sort of homing device they use to seek each other out.
I agree. Seriously this dude is uglyyyyyyy. Beyond ugly. Annd has 8 kids and no job? COME ON WHAT ARE THESE GIRLS DOING?
He is clearly making up for lost time. I had a friend that got divorced after 13 years of marriage, and the first thing he did was stick it into anything that would have him. It’s like a knee jerk reaction.
He is sooooo nasty!
HOLY SHIT. I am feeling so bad for Lindsay right about now.
I am seriously beginning to think he is mentally challenged. Its obivous he cannot tell the difference between one blonde skank and another. Really! Cavorting with only the highest class now! Star Magazine “reporters” and the Lohans! I guess this is what was always below the surface with him. Sheer sleeze.
*ignoring the skeez on Jon’s arm*
*ignoring the fact that he has a wasted “girlfriend” passed out somewhere when this photo was taken*
The PRESSING story here is:
How is it that Michael Lohan has a house in the Hamptons??
How does he afford it?
uh lindsay is from long island. it’s not a complete surprise to me.
They never said WHERE in the Hamptons. ;)
Yes, it is expensive real estate, but depending on where it is and how big it is, there are relatively reasonable properties when compared to the Manhattan/NYC market.
Certain parts of the island are more exclusive than others.
I thought his last fling, Hailey, was just bragging about how much her parents loved him. I guess they do not love him anymore.
Seriously, I’m beginning to understand why Kate treated this guy like he was five years old. He needs a spanking….and not in a good way.
I thought he was engaged to Hailey? What the hell is going on?!
Image consultant, STAT!
I find it kind of funny when i hear people say he has no job !!
helllllllllllllllllllllo : he has millions !! would you still work if you were a millionaire? I would .. but i might take a year off … I know that he should be way more discreet and i am not defending him .. but he is 32 years old ..this new kate is 26 .. why keep calling her a little girl? In this new world of internet and technologie .. a reputation is so easily destroyed when the truth is that we really dont know the truth.
I would advise him to keep a low profile and stay home for a while .. but he doesnt seem like a genius so if he can’t find anything else better to do then to parade in front of the paparazzies well too bad for him. It is easy to judge and say that he doesnt spend time with his kids … but seriously we have no idea . When you are separated you dont have access to your kids at all time and its the same for everybody.I think that he should be more discreet at least for his 2 daughters .I can only imagine those kids going to school and seeing a picture of dad with a new girlfriend on their locker .. kids are cruel and it will happen. I just dont understand why he doesnt keep a very low profile at least for his kids. Me and you and every normal decent human being would stay home and try to avoid all this publicity but i guess with all these reality stars common sense is no more an option.
gotta hand it to you beet! this post made me laugh so much. this gosselin story is just too good to be true. i can’t believe all the shit the man is putting himself through. he’s just asking to be made fun of.
lohan is probably renting out in the hamptons, much like jon is renting his apartment on the UWS.
You know, all this time I thought “Kate with 8″ had just turned into a bitch after the kids came along, but now I’m thinking she had to be a bitch to keep Jon in line. We really don’t know what went on behind their closed doors. Looks like I had it all wrong and she had “9″ kids on her hands.