Proving that Hollywood really is completely out of ideas, The Hollywood Reporter is claiming that studio exec Michael Eisner has hired a screenwriter to develop a script for a big screen adaptation of the Bazooka Joe comic strips. That’s right– a movie based on a bubble gum wrapper. I wonder if it will be as good as that video game based on the 7up spots?

For those of you who don’t know, Bazooka Joe is a bubble gum that comes packaged in a wrapper that contains a 3 to 4 panel comic strip that attempts to be mildly amusing and usually fails miserably (See example, above).

The movie– which will mildly confuse you and then lose flavor after 5 minutes– is tentativley scheduled to be released on Halloween. Execs worried that it might face tough box office competition from Paramount Pictures’ romantic comedy Peanutbutter Kisses but then realized that everyone hates Peanutbutter Kisses and will probably just let that movie sit in a grab bag for a year until ants get at it and they have to throw it away.

Funny or Die has obtained this exclusive, leaked footage from the new movie that tells the story of how Bazooka Joe got his trademark eye patch. (NSFW)

Or maybe it’s an irradiated peacock. I’m not sure. Its brilliance is so blinding I have to avert my eyes.

Perry’s Pontifical Pelvis Peacock appeared on the red carpet Saturday night at the 2009 Japan MTV Video Music Awards.

Edit: This just in– the back of the dress! Holy tail feathers Batman, there’s a bird on her butt too!

Ismail and his family have already rebuilt their family home

The child stars of the movie Slumdog Millionaire have continued to make headlines long after the movie has won its Oscars and appeared on shelves in video stores. The parents of the children claimed that they were not adequately compensated for their progeny’s work on the film, although producers and directors claimed to have bought apartments for them and made arrangements for the kiddos’ education. Then, there were allegations that the father of the young female star, Rubina Ali, had tried to sell her to a few different parties.

In the latest chapter in the ongoing tragedy of Rubina Ali and Azharuddin Ismail’s lives, their ramshackle homes– shanties made from scavenged refuse– were demolished by the Mumbai civic authorities in a campaign to rid the city of such illegal dwellings.

Ironically, it may have been the film Slumdog Millionaire and the international interest it generated in the welfare of those living in the shanty towns that led the civic authorities, in typical bureaucratic fashion, to do something rash aimed at improving the city’s image. So, they decided to knock down some shanties, even though more than half of the city’s 18 million residents live in such dwellings.

Unfortunately, some of the houses they knocked down belonged to the child stars of the film. D’oh!

The state government is trying to dig itself out of this PR nightmare by offering new homes to the child stars and their families.

Two child actors from the Oscar-winning film “Slumdog Millionaire” have been offered new homes by the ruling Congress party of India’s western state of Maharashtra after their slum homes were torn down.

The offer on Saturday came days after a private trust said it was replacing the demolished shantytown dwellings of nine-year-old Rubina Ali and 11-year-old Azharuddin Ismail.

The flats offered by the Congress party in the western part of Mumbai cost around 400,000 rupees each (8,500 dollars) and were earmarked for low-income families.

The government has offered to pay for the flats, even though the producers of Slumdog claim to have set up a trust fund that has already bought a flat for Ismail and is currently funding the purchase of a flat for Ali. This slapdash solution also does nothing for the millions of other children whose houses were knocked down. What the hell is going on over there??

This past Wednesday, Wendie wrote about a video Chris Brown posted to Youtube in which he and Lil Bow Wow defended Brown’s reputation in a language so badly mangled that it could only be identified via its dental records as English.

Later that same day, Eve took to her twitter account and told Chris Brown exactly what she’d do to him if he came at her the way he came at Rihanna:

After Kanye told us all we should “give him a break” and Diddy invited him over to stay at one of his mansions while Brown was hiding from the paps, I’m so glad that a big hip-hop star like Eve has had the guts to speak truthfully about this ugly, disgusting incident.
Eve is fed up with the way Brown’s actions are being overlooked and accepted, writing that she’s “so sick of the media trying to sugar coat a serious issue.”

Hip-Hop star T-Pain (best known to some of you as one of the guys who’s “on a boat”) and wife Amber welcomed new son Kaydnz Koda Najm this weekend.
Proud papa T-pain posted the above picture of little Kaydnz on his Twiiter account.

Now, I’m not one of those people who thinks all babies are automatically cute. Some babies are ugly.  As a non-breeder, one of my favorite games to play in the grocery store is “Spot the wizened, world-weary baby who looks like he has a ton of street smarts.” But little Kaydnz here is a seriously adorable little cutie. Look at those squishy cheeks!!

If you’re wondering how to pronounce the name, I’m guessing it’s something like “Kay-dinz.”

Since T-Pain is a practicing Muslim whose real name is Faheem Rasheed Najm, I was debating whether the unfamiliar name “Kaydnz” had some religious or cultural significance, or was just a horrible play on the word “cadence.” Then I found out the names of T-Pain’s other two children– Lyriq and Muziq. Case closed.

Why, Hollywood?  Why are you doing this?  Are you really all out of ideas? 

The movie Girls Just Want To Have Fun was released in 1985 — the year I entered high school.  All these shows and movies from that era that are being remade force me to relive ninth through 12th grade.  And unless that means I get to weigh 111 pounds and have sex on the high school baseball diamond again, I’m not interested.

The only glimmer of hope that this project might not happen, is that it is still in the formative stages.  That is, the script is just being written now.  So many things could go wrong that would prevent it from going straight to DVD to the big screen.  Pray, dudes.  Pray hard.

Girls just want to retire.  For real.

Condé Nast, the huge magazine publisher, acquired their former competition, Fairchild Publishing earlier this year.  Now, I’m not sure how intelligent it is for a magazine publisher to be buying anything right now, but Fairchild is the parent company responsible for established magazines such as Women’s Wear Daily, W and Footwear News (?).  When Fairchild was purchased, Condé Nast appointed Richard “Mad Dog” Beckham, former top advertising dude at CN to the post of CEO. 

Even prior to CN purchasing Fairchild, both companies resided under one roof at the Fairchild Building in New York City.  When so many titles were located at the Fairchild, they had a huge, uber-fancy cafeteria built to offer fine dining for the employees.  Now, Condé Nast has left Beckman behind and moved almost all of their publications (Golf Digest, Bride’s, Modern Bride, Elegant Bride to name a few) to various locations around New York City.  Beckham may be hearing echoes in the halls but at least he’ll get first pick of donuts at the cafeteria.  How pissed off do you think he is?

It all may be a moot issue since I sincerely believe magazines may be a thing of the past sooner rather than later.  Even Vogue, Vanity Fair (which I subscribe to and it’s now so thin that it looks more like an informational brochure) and Glamour — the money makers — aren’t making enough to float the anchors better known as The New Yorker and Allure.  As a matter of fact, CN pulls in over two billion dollars a year in revenue but may post a loss this year (which it hasn’t done since the early nineties). 

Anyway, what do you think the prognosis is for magazines and newspapers?  Three years?  Five?  Eternity?