If you think your job is hard, try designing a seating chart for the MTV Movie Awards. Supposedly this year’s chart had to be rearranged several times because of b-list celebs with bloated egos and silly beefs.
Whitney Port had to be moved away from Kristen Stewart because of comments she made about the Twilight star’s acting abilities. Paris Hilton had to be moved away from the entire cast of The Hills after recently calling the show “so lame and fake” and “cheesy.” That’s a blatant case of the slut calling the whore “loose” if I’ve ever seen one.
In other pointless Hills drama, The Artist Formerly Known as Ceiling Eyes was also moved away from the rest of the Hills cast because, “in the overheard words of one producer, ‘everyone on the show hated her.’”
The MTV Movie Awards air tonight at 9PM EDT. I haven’t decided if I’m going to watch them yet. On the one hand, as I stated previously, there are only so many worthless time wasting activities I can do in a week before I start to feel really bad about my life. On the other hand: Andy Samberg.
One week after Melissa Joan Hart appeared on the cover of People magazine to show off her new slimmer body, she slaps every other dieting mother in America right in the face by opening a new candy store, named SweetHarts, in Sherman Oaks, California.
The store’s website reveals that the menu will include frozen yogurt, gelato, baked goods, candy, and a whole host of other items guaranteed to derail a diet. It also reveals that Melissa’s mother originally considered naming her “Sweet.” That’s right. Her name was almost Sweet Hart.
If that right there doesn’t make you want to smack the annoying right out of the little witch, the Sabrina star claims to “love all the different [kinds of] candy” because they remind her of her childhood, but then goes on to say that she isn’t worried about regaining any of her recently lost weight by consuming any of the products from her own shop because she doesn’t really like sweets.
Do they offer something called a candy coated bitch slap? Cuz I’d buy one of those.
I haven’t read the People magazine article about her weightloss because there are only so many worthless, time wasting activities I can do in a week without starting to feel really bad about my life. But the cover quotes her as saying “I realized I don’t have to be heavy just because I have kids.”
Bitch please. You “don’t have to be heavy” because you’re rich and can hire a personal trainer, someone to cook meals for you, and someone to watch those kids for you while you work out or open your new candy store.
Next week, Paris Hilton will announce the grand opening of her financial planning service, the appropriately named “I Don’t Have Any Debt Because I’m Fucking Rich.” The service’s financial advisors will offer you high interest rate mortgages and credit cards, encourage you to spend well beyond your budget, then act superior and self-righteous when you can’t make your monthly payments.
Baby Phat CEO and reality TV star Kimora Lee Simmons and husband Djimon Hounsou welcomed a newborn baby boy to the brood this Saturday morning.
Kimora chronicled the events leading up to the delivery via her twitter account, typing, “Having contractions now! Ooo- wee! It’s like WHOA!” and posting the above picture of herself in the delivery room.
The couple later announced that the new baby was a boy, but have not yet announced the name. The baby boy joins Kimora’s two daughters from her previous marriage to Russell Simmons– Ming Lee and Aoki Lee– as the newest addition the happy, fabulous family.
In last night’s finale of Britain’s Got Talent, the homely heartstring-tugging heavy favorite Susan Boyle performed an encore performance of the song that made her an internet sensation– “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables– this time in Dress Barn’s best elastic shimmery ball gown. As has become standard practice on the show, the judges permanently sewed their lips to her rather sizable ass, falling all over themselves to talk about how amazing her mediocre performance was.
Simon Cowell gushed, “Win or lose, you had the guts to come back here tonight, face your critics, and you beat them. You can walk away from this with your head held high Susan. I absolutely adore you,” while Piers Morgan called it “the greatest performance I’ve seen in Britain’s Got Talent history.”
Unfortunately, Britain didn’t agree.
In a season finale shocker, the title of most talented Brit went to a dance troupe called Diversity. Subo placed second.
Are any of you surprised? In spite of the massive BGT hype machine practically shoving Boyle down everyone’s throat as the feel-good, scrappy, spunky, kid with a lot of heart who has been shat on her entire life because of her physical appearance, the reality is that she’s just really not that good. She’s not terrible, but her singing has never been as astonishing or incredible as the judges gushed every time she set foot on stage.
The BGT team saw an opportunity to create some publicity, and capitalized on that brilliantly by blatantly exploiting Susan’s physical appearance. The whole situation has left me with a bad taste in my mouth. By pimping her out as the perpetual underdog just because of her unfortunate physical appearance, they’re basically saying that appearance is everything, and that we should all be shocked and ashamed of ourselves because we never realized that ugly people can, in fact, sing. Whether or not Susan herself was in on the act is something of which we can’t be certain.
At any rate, congrats to the winners, a dance troupe called Diversity. You can see a video of their winning performance below. Where did they pull that tiny child in the Superman outfit from? And where did he go??
No word yet on exactly who will be performing at the Royal Variety Show. The winner of BGT is supposed to perform at the show in front of the queen, but Boyle has already been invited to make an appearance. I’m guessing both of them will be there.
It’s time again for another edition of Famous People and Their Hideous Expensive Clothing. Saturday night, a few music stars who are popular in Japan walked the red carpet at the Saitama Super Arena for the 2009 Japan MTV Video Music Awards. Fergie glared at everyone from deep inside a swirly spiral of velvety blue ribbons of fabric while her BEP bandmate Will.i.am wore what looked like a Confederate soldier’s uniform and saluted photogs.
Pop punk group Green Day seemed to take the red carpet walk very seriously, facing backwards half the time and pretending to piss on the wall at one point.
Ciara (remember her?) was also in attendance, having just escaped from a 1980’s James Bond movie.
However, the real fashion star of the event was Katy Perry. In addition to the pelvic peacock number I wrote about earlier, Perry performed her song Hot N Cold while wearing a corset covered in sushi and sequins. It may have been her idea of paying homage to the country, but it’s the equivalent of a Japanese star coming here and performing in a dress covered in french fries and hamburgers.
Enjoy the gallery, but don’t stare too long at Fergie’s knees unless you’re wearing adequate eye protection.
In this brief, 15 second teaser trailer for New Moon, Edward gives Bella a very special birthday present. The trailer will make its television debut this Sunday during the MTV Movie Awards where Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner will also unveil a scene from the new movie.
Many of you complained last weekend that I mentioned Robert Pattinson’s presence at the Cannes amfAR party but didn’t post his pictures in the gallery. Well, I want to make you happy, so in addition to the above teaser trailer, I’ve put the aforementioned pics of Pattinson in the gallery.
He still looks like he just woke up and rolled out of bed, but doesn’t look greasy or creepy like he does so often. He looks, dare I say, suave.
The State of Pennsylvania is investigating the Gosselins after receiving a complaint that the couple are violating the state’s child labor laws.
“I can confirm that our bureau of labor law compliance is conducting an investigation as they do whenever they receive a charge,” said Christopher Manlove, a spokesman for the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry.
Manlove would not say who filed the complaint, when it was filed or what the exact allegations are. “Because the case is ongoing I can’t discuss the content of the investigation,” he said.
In response to the investigation, TLC released a statement Friday saying, “TLC fully complies with all applicable laws and regulations. Jon and Kate + 8 is no exception. For an extended period of time, we have been engaged in cooperative discussions and supplied all requested information to the Pennsylvania Department of Labor. We will continue to engage the appropriate officials and meet any standards or regulations that are applicable to TLC productions.”
The department is required to investigate every complaint that is filed, regardless of its apparent legitimacy.
I wonder who filed the complaint? Earlier in the week Aunti Jodi and Uncle Kevin told the Early Show that they thought the children were being “exploited” and “viewed as a commodity”.
