O.J. Simpson’s lady isn’t standing by her man.  Since he started serving his thirty-three year sentence in December, Christie Prody moved from their Miami home to Fargo, North Dakota.  I’m willing to bet that dealing with deadly floods is more appealing than living with a murderer.  I mean, I don’t want to say that shacking up with O.J. Simpson qualifies as hard living, but his girlfriend was only twenty-nine when this picture was taken.  Aged.

According to the Enquirer, when O.J. found out that Prody is now knocked up by some new dude, he freaked his freak.  One of those famous “inside sources” claims that Simpson kept placing collect calls to Christie in which he screamed and generally flipped out, wondering how she could do this to him.

I’m sorry, but Christie Prody needs to go into the Ex-Girlfriend of a Murdering Athlete Protection Program and not come out until O.J.’s severed head is brought to her doorstep.

Here’s a sneak preview at Britney Muh Bitch Of A Pussy Keeps Fallin’ Out Spears’ new Candie’s ad.  Every time I see Candie’s, I think of Daisy Duke-not the shorts, the chick from Dukes of Hazzard.  Which makes me think of Jessica Simpson.  Which makes me think of Chicken of the Sea tuna.  Which makes me think of Brit.

It’s an amazing universe.

Bridget Moynahan is pissed about Gisele Bundchen’s “The Boy Is Mine,” statement in May’s Vanity Fair.  She’s not letting on though; she’s letting her friends do all the talking.

One of her close friends, who you know was totally reading off index cards that Bridget wrote out for her, said, “If Gisele loved Bridget’s child like he was ‘100 percent her own,’ then she would not talk about him in the press. Discretion and respect are not either of Gisele or Tom’s virtues, as was evidenced even when the child was still unborn and they publicly flaunted their relationship without any discretion whatsoever.  Don’t you think Jack will grow up and read her comments and find them disrespectful to him and his mother? If Tom is such a great father as everyone likes to say, then you would think that he’d respect the privacy of his young child and would ask his wife not to use his son as a publicity prop and a subject of public discussion. Is she is so desperate for attention that she can’t find anything more productive to talk about other than Bridget’s child?”

Personally, I couldn’t get past the part where Gisele called Tom and Bridget’s son “it.”  As in, “I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent.”  As a mother, I am here to tell you that the only time you call your kid “it” is when you are pregnant and they have just made you puke for the sixth time before noon.  Once born, calling your child “it” is considered somewhat declasse.

If there are two people on this planet that I’d like to talk about less than Perez Hilton and John Mayer, I don’t know who they are. However, this must be discussed.

Last year, my least favorite non- blogger made the media rounds, letting everyone know that in December, 2006 he (allegedly!) made out with John Mayer. Tongue kissing-five minutes-Perez and John Mayer while Jessica Simpson rubbed Mayer’s crotch. I’m no fan of Perez but I totally believed this story based on the level of detail he provided coupled with my own assessment that John Mayer reminds me of every closeted gay guy I ever dated. Mayer has always denied this incident ever occurred, until now:

“He has to go tell people that I made out with him at a club. I never said anything, but you know what? Damn right I made out with him at a club. You know why? Because I can’t stand a gay guy who acts like he just turned gay yesterday. As soon as a guy is walking around all wild… I will fuck you in the ass to shut you up. You are not wilder than me. Once you judge me I will go ass to mouth with you just to shut you up. First of all, I was thinking about going gay until you turned into their spokesperson.

“I was thinking about going gay. Every man has thought about going gay. It’s usually like.. 2:23 in the morning you wake up. ‘Oh God, interesting!’ We seem to leave out the details, don’t we guys? Guys like fantasies without the details. ‘Oh yeah, I could blow a dude. Might taste like cherries.’ You know that smell at New York Sports Club? The locker room? That’s balls….

“The idea of blowing a guy, that’s not the problem. The problem is like he’d have some other detail that I didn’t think about, like a hangnail or a fucking class ring knocking into my forehead. Class of 98 just hitting me, or given my predilections Class of 72…

“Whatever, have a good time. Like I don’t know this stuff is going to end up somewhere and they’re going to act like it’s a surprise that it got there. I thought about this shit before I came out… who fucking cares. Have a good time.”

John did this stand up routine on the Mayercraft Concert Cruise. I didn’t know such an entity existed, but apparently it boils down to five days on a boat with John Mayer being subjected to John Mayer music and John Mayer confessions. I would throw myself overboard within the first seven hours minutes.

Jimmy took his wife, Fat Arms, to a party for the launch of TOPSHOP in NYC, and she looked like … that. This is not a rare occurrence. Fat Arms has a knack for buying her red carpet clothes at Target. (Please don’t get me wrong. I love Target. I would live in a Target if they’d allow it. But I’d go somewhere else to buy my clothes for fashion-related red carpet events.) The shoes are ALL WRONG for that dress, and she would have been better going without a belt than choosing a belt that soooo doesn’t create a pleasant silhouette.

I need your help people. Please fill in the blank:

Jimmy Fallon is in love with Nancy “Fat Arms” Juvonen because _______________________________ .

All in all, this is easily the strongest, most charismatic group of Idol finalists I’ve ever seen. Hands down.

My heart belongs to Alison Iraheta and Adam Lambert, who I think are both just so naturally brilliant on stage. And I love that Alison played at least a little bit of the guitar. It’s frustrating to me to see all these men parading out on the stage and commanding an instrument while the women stay behind the mic. I feel like it furthers the perception that men are competent musicians, while women are just a pretty face with a pretty voice and a microphone. (This is true of Megan Joy Buttcork, but it’s not a general rule in the world.) If these girls can play instruments, I wanna see it! I’m impressed Alison had the balls to do that at such a young age. She’s a big career waiting to happen if she can land the right managers.

Kris Whatsisname grew on me tonight. Not enough to remember his last name, but still. I liked him. And Justin Timberlake 2.0 did fantastic, I thought, no matter what the judges said.

I honestly forgot Anoop had performed. At the end of the show I was like, “Wait! They didn’t do Anoop!” I had to rewind to see his performance and remember what he’d sang. He was that forgettable. Lil Rounds is gorgeous and talented and has great stage presence. Her shtick just bores me, though. That’s more an issue of my taste. I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong. I just never get excited when she comes on. Danny Gokey, too. He’s fantastic. He just doesn’t do anything for me. I was never into Chris Daughtrey, and it’s a similar style. I feel like there are a thousand dudes in Hollywood who can do that schtick every bit as well.

So who do you guys think is going home tomorrow?

I think it’s Megan Joy Buttcork. I hope it is. My guess is that the bottom three will be Scott, Megan and Anoop, and Megan will go.

I’m watching American Idol tonight, and maybe this is due to my burgeoning Ambien problem, but every time they showed Scott MacIntyre’s face in that dark leather jacket I just thought to myself “They needed this guy for NKOTB.” I mean, look at him! Eyebrows, jawline, vacant stare. He fits right in. Actually, he looks specifically a lot like Joey McIntyre, now that I think about it. And now that I think about it even harder, has anyone actually seen Joey McIntyre lately? In the same place as Scott MacIntyre???

Hmmm.

I’m still a little bit high on Paula’s use of the word “legato,” which is how she referred to Scott’s performance. Hang on a sec, let me get you the exact definition of “legato” as it pertains to vocal performance: “a string of sustained vowels with minimal interruption from consonants.” Ohhhh, Paula. I know now why you like this word. You get a similar definition when you look up the side effects of long-term Xanax abuse.